Minor rant about unsolicited advice

[maryjaneholland]

It's so easy to lose weight, I reduced carbs and became skeleton overnight, remission is easy too, yeah unsolicited unwanted unhelpful "advice" whatever...

 

[Inka]

Yes, I have had the "thin" comment more than a couple of times, usually along the lines of "you can't have diabetes, you are too thin."
On one occasion, a colleague who I barely knew (and male) laid into me telling me I need to put on weight (I didn't: my BMI was well within the "healthy" range) and I wondered 1. what right did he have and 2.how much he would have said if he thought I was overweight?

Yep, I’ve had the “you need to put on weight” too, from both men and women. I think it’s a sly insult supposed to suggest weakness and fragility.

 

[Satan’s little helper]

I've just come back from a business trip where I had very little control over what I was being served. Generally the same meal was served to the entire group. Occasionally I would quietly tell the server I have diabetes, and ask them not to serve me dessert, which was all fine. But one place we went to had a meal based on alt/medicine principles and the owner started off by telling the group that the green soup starter was to "lower your blood sugar levels," which didn't sound right to me, but I let it pass.

I told the server not to bring me dessert and the owner then told me that if I followed her advice for a couple of months, she could completely reverse my diabetes. I told her I'd die without insulin, and shut that down pretty fast.

In the months since I was first diagnosed, I have noticed there are some people ready to weigh in uninvited with advice about supplements, nutrition, you name it. No doctor has ever bounded across the room at a social event to start telling me how to change my life, but there are some people who can't wait to do it. It's very annoying.

It's worse for a friend of mine who has kids with Type 1, as other people will berate her to her face about the sugar they imagine she must be feeding her kids.

Does this happen to anybody else?

Hello, I find the best way to deal with desert situations is “not for me thanks. The main course was fantastic & more than enough.” I went out for a meal a while back with a bunch of mates. (4 of us. Just middle aged lads on a night out.) To my joy the unanimous choice an Argentinian “style” streak house. I’m the only diabetic in the crew. (They know I am, but that’s as far as it goes.) There was an order of chips between us? (Actually, for the other 3.) Seems like they were watching the carbs just for weight management. Lol, the chip basket was never finished even though I was coaxed to try a couple.)

 

[Eddy Edson]

I wonder whether a bit of sexism is involved when on several occasions people (both men and women) have immediately stared at my waist area and exclaimed 'but you're thin!' when they’ve discovered I have diabetes. Do they stare at men's figures and make the same comment, I wonder?

Well, it's happened to me, a bit.

 

[Cheyne]

Hi.
I must be thick skinned when it comes to ignorant advice. Water off a ducks back I'm affraid.
What burns my butt is medical staff who's advice or instructions that are not up with current thinking in the medical world. Instead they rely on the indoctrination of when they were students. The world moves on endlessly.
The funny thing is with T2, CKD and IBS it is not just those without knowledge of such things that offer rediculous advice born from missconception. I've also had absolutely stupid advice from people with any one of these diseases. The best one is people with either of these health problems advising I can have salt being T2, or sugar being CKD, or you can try Fodmap food being IBS. Now with Autonomic polyneuropathy I'm bracing for the onslaught of "well meaning" advice misplaced and full of anecdotal evidence while being very short of scientific fact. Fortunately most people have no idea what it is and so far refrain from free advice.
The best medical advice I ever had I was to be dead 3 years ago! I often think of shinny red apples when I see and remind that Dr I'm still here. The best retort of all and so satifying.
Then of course there are those who are sorry to hear of your problems. I know they are well meant but they are endless. Frankly the more I can forget my health issues the better I cope.
The flip side of all this is that outwardly I look fit and healthy, not a sign that almost everything inside of me is trying to kill me. Oh your looking well, have you lost weight? Yeah right, let's not go there.
Rule of thumb for me is just move on, it is not worth the breath or time of day to challenge any of these well meaning comments or advice. Take them for what they are illfounded but well meant.
Not having had the "luxury" of children I don't know how I would handle comments of my parenting skills. Most likely not very well.
Cheers

 

[Sally71]

Sorry, need a rant…. Just been out for a meal with my parents, who we don’t see very often due to distance between where we live. Went to a local pub. My daughter was diagnosed as on the autism spectrum when she was 15, as part of that she has heightened senses and can find lots of sounds/smells/brightness etc distressing that other people wouldn’t. My parents know this. My daughter also doesn’t like eating in front of other people or eating out, but she will do so occasionally with enough notice so that she prepare herself. Also typical autism traits. She always brings her own cutlery though, and prefers to order a bottled drink and bring her own straw rather than drink from a pub glass. She was explaining to my dad that this is because pub glasses taste salty (presumably from their dishwasher). Mum chipped in “well that’s just letting the imagination run a bit too far isn’t it, we’ve got a dishwasher and our things don’t taste salty”. I’m afraid I wasn’t entirely polite, and pointed out that you don’t have the sensory issues that my daughter does, how do you know what she can taste, and if you’ve had a dishwasher for several years like they have then you’ve probably got used to any change in taste that it produces and don’t notice it. Besides which, if my daughter prefers to bring her own cutlery and straws rather than use anything there, it’s not hurting anyone else is it, just let her get on with it! Not worth making a fuss about, be grateful that she came out, because she really doesn’t enjoy it much. Apart from which, if you gave my dad shellfish, or my mum anything with rice in it, they would flat out refuse to eat it because they don’t like those things, so what’s so bad about my daughter not liking a different taste?! We all have tastes that we don’t like!

Also a couple of weeks ago we were visiting my in-laws, and my MIL’s sister was there. Had an OK evening, then just before we went my daughter announced that she was tired and could we leave soon please. The sister apparently snorted and said something like “how can you be tired when you’ve been sitting down all day”. I’m glad I didn’t hear that as I think I might have been very rude… for a start, walking isn’t the only thing that makes you tired, and if you think it’s so easy being stuck in a wheelchair then maybe you should try it for a day or two! My daughter’s medical needs are complex, there’s more to it than just diabetes and autism and we went through hell for a couple of years, so I sort of understand that it’s not easy to get your head around some of it, but I’m so sick of people thinking that it’s all a big fuss about nothing or that they know better how my daughter should be feeling etc, when they haven’t been to a single doctor/specialist/CAMHS etc appointment with her. Rant over

 

[Drummer]

There is no salt in my dishwasher dispenser, because I would be able to taste it on the things washed in there - I can't drink water straight from the tap if the chlorine is too strong, I take ear defenders with me when going out to folk events as people turn up amplifiers above my pain threshold. Some florescent lights hurt my eyes. I'm not classed as autistic but no one ever checked....
The discomfort and pain is real enough to me.