Life with Nathan .. teenager .. type 1 diabetic

[sasha1]

Good Afternoon All ....

HMMMM ... Well I though after yesterdays uprising from Nathan's camp ... things would have settled down ...

We started off the day with Nathan waking to the start of a hypo at 4mmol ... Breakfast was ok ... although Nathan was'nt forth coming in the conversation stakes .. More sulking because he cant have his own way over the school dinner situation .. although so far today it has'nt been mentioned again ...

At dinner time he had calmed down a bit and BG back to normal 8mmol ... and seemed quiet happy and chatty ... and discussing at great length with me about Call of Duty .. world at war .... .. He's at a bit of a loss today as his friend has gone away for a couple of days to visit family ... I offered for us to go out some where .. a walk .. or what ever he fancied .. he said no and just wanted to chill out today as his holiday is soon over ....

However at 2.30pm the balnce has been rocked again ... .. Nathan came down in search of food ... as he was hungry ... I said the wrong thing ... How dare I as for him to check his blood level ... I did'nt order him to do one ... just asked could you please ... and then we can see where you are, at what if you need anything eat you can have ... Nathan then went completly off on one ... refered to me as the food police ... says the rest of his life is going to be like this ... restricted and its not fair .. all I want is something to eat ... I replied "Son I have'nt said you cant have anything to eat .. just that we need to know where your levels are at .. thats all" ... He replies how hes sick of blood test the whole thing and no way was he doing one ... I suggested a few grapes in that case ... He ranted for a bit .. then settled for the grapes .... mmmmmm .... Stormed up stairs .. and slammed the bedroom door ..... I then went up stairs ... and warned him about slamming the doors ... I came back down stairs for 10 mins to let him cool down a little ... then went back up stairs and approached the test again ... using the wording If you are going low ... We need to know so we can sort you hun ... He relucantly did the BG and he has gone high .... 14 ... So with that it set him off again ... now I can understand the attitude as he is really nasty and bad tempered when up this high .. as he is not used to it ... I suggested a correction dose ... He pulled no punches what he though of that idea ... 😱

I now sat down stairs ... although not upset, cross, angry etc .... bloody frustrated ... I so feel for Nathan but he does insist on making things hard work .... that said ... I'm positive thats the teenager not the diabetes ... as its non-conformist behaviour ....

Heidi
xx🙂

 

[Mand]

Oh Heidi! I feel for you sooooooooo much! I can imagine the scene so well from your explanation. It really tugs at my heart strings for you. Both of you.

Some of his behavour is just normal teenage stuff but when he applies the teenage attitiude to his diabetes then you cannot just let it go, you have to deal with it and this is so tiring for you.

I do see things from his point of view too, of course. He has all the emotions of a typical teenager and all the emotions about his diabetes too. Sadly you are his punch bag (I do not mean literally. I mean metophorically (spelling).

I know it might be hard to believe right now, but it is because he loves you and you are his mom that he takes his attitude out on you. He needs an outlet and who else could he speak to like that and feel safe doing it. A friend would no longer be his friend, a teacher would send him to the Head etc etc. But good old mom is always there and loves unconditionally and forgives.

But, boy, is that hard on you! You are not just Nathans mom, you are also 'Heidi'. Teenagers forget this!

Of course, sometimes his attitude is because he is too high or maybe too low but again this comes your way as you are his carer as well as his mom.

I do so understand your frustration, Heidi. I wish i had the answers but i don't.

Is there anyone who can give you suppport of any kind? Maybe a bit of respite now and again? Is there anyone Nathan likes and respects enough that you can trust that would give you a break occassionally. I am thinking so you can go and be 'Heidi' for a day and re-charge your batteries.

I send you a huge hug. Keep strong.

Love Mand xx

 

[sasha1]

Hi Mand ...

Totally agree with you here ... I am his outlet for his anger and frustration .. and I understand 110% he not getting at me personally ... I have broad shoulders ...lol.. He is displaying typical teenage angst ... which is normal ... and the funny thing is I would'nt want it to be any different .. Hey children don't come with handbooks ... if only .. lol ... we as parents have to do the best we can .. however hard and challenging it may be ...

Nathan does'nt really get the support a diabetic needs form his specialist team .. we tried to get him into see the counsellor .. but they wont take his case on because they are far to busy and over stretched ... I have even considered paying privately for some counselling sessions for him .. But Nathan is a hard shell to crack .. he does'nt open up easily ... to me yes ... and I admire him fully that he feels comfortable to talk to me about anything .. He does'nt have a close relationship with his dad either .. and has'nt seen him since april ... but thats a different story .. and a positive this upsets Nathan .. even though he says it doesnt ... As for respite ... the answer to that is no ... but I can have a few hours of peace when Nathan is at school ... providing things are'nt sent into chaos there ... lol

Right now he has calmed down and apologised for his outburst ... I said I understand son .. and gave him a big hug .... xxx ...🙂 and I've made his fav tea ..... so he well happy and his levels have come down back into range ...

Heidi
xx🙂

 

[sasha1]

Hi All ...

On a more positive note ..... I try at all costs not to make situations more confrontational .... by not screaming and shouting ... back at Nathan ... Its hard but at times .. but it means then I have lost control of the situation and Nathan has won in the way I have risen to his challenging behaviour ...and fallen for his bait .. being a teenager there is a lot of bravado about them ... in reality what they claim they are going to do does'nt happen .. they just want to shock parents into getting what they want ... 😉 ... Besides if the situation is surrounded by all sides screaming and shouting .. how can compromises be reached and nothing will be achieved ... just everyone getting bent out of shape and digging there heels in ..

Heidi
xx🙂

 

[Mand]

You are a mom in a million, Heidi! xx 🙂 xx

 

[bev]

Heidi your a star! Nathan is lucky to have you.🙂

Interestingly Adrienne went to a friends for life conference. One of the points that was made by a New York type 1 talker was that children with diabetes should be disiplined if/when they mis-treat their diabetes deliberately. He explained that if they didnt do their homework - they would be grounded or disiplined for it. So if they deliberately mis-treat their diabetes - why shouldnt you discipline them? After all this is life threatening and as tough as it sounds - i am in full agreement! A went through a stage where he didnt want to sit still when having a hypo - so i threatened him with a loss of pocket money. No screaming or shouting - just simply about finance - and that matters to them more than anything at this age. It worked! He now sits still.
I know he is only 11 - but in my opinion if you start the discipline early enough - hopefully it will instill into them a good basic knowledge of their condition and the damage caused if they mis-treat it.

I will let him off with other things - like tidying his bedroom etc - this way i can choose my battles with him and the rest really doesnt matter - who cares if his bedroom is untidy? I cant be that blase about his diabetes unfortunately. I think some may think i am being very hard on him - and maybe i am - but its keeping him healthy! And i am not stupid enough to think things wont get worse when he is a 'kevin'! But i have 2 older girls who both went through teenage years - tiny battles - nothing major - but i have learnt a lot - and the main one is to be consistant with the discipline that is handed out. It is the easiest thing in the world to say yes to everything to a child. It is the hardest thing in the world to say no - and watch them be upset etc.. but in the long term it pays off tenfold! My two daughters are lovely (not biased at all) young ladies and people often comment on how easy they are to get along with and how polite etc.. I hope that the same can be said for A when he is older - despite him having to deal with diabetes and all that entails. I am sure we will have tough times ahead like you and Nathan Heidi - so i will be looking here for inspiration!🙂Bev

 

[sasha1]

Hi Bev ...

I too in some respects are hard on Nathan as regards to his diabetes .. and I know some of what I have said to him many will frown upon ... but it can become reality ... it is a hard chronic condition ... I deal in facts with Nathan ... and am cruel to be kind ... at the end of the day it is his health and life that I have in my hands ... I cannot choose the paths in life he decides to take but I can offer the education and skills to pick the right one .. hopefully .. Nor can I be responsible for what Nathan does as regards to his diabetes and care when he is an adult .. all I can do is make injections, BG monitoring etc,etc .. become as natural a function to Nathan as brushing his teeth ...

I'm very interested to hear about the meeting Adrienne attended ... as regards to disciplining children/teenagers who mistreat there diabetes ... Its certainly a train of thought .. I'm not sure how Nathan would react to that kind of discipline at the moment .. He to a certain degree feels his diabetes is punishment ..

Nathan is disciplined and I'm sure it has benefited him greatly ... discipline is virtually never smacking ... god I could'nt tell you the last time he got a quick tap on the backside ... I tend to remove pleasures .. eg XBOX .. ground him ... with hold pocket money ... Bad or anti social behaviour is stamped on immediately ... He has had manners instilled in him from an early age .. and is commended on them all the time .. and people approach me to say how polite he is ... and that makes me very proud ... .. In the big scheme of things Nathan is a good kid ... and has brought very little trouble to the door .. and for that I am thankful ... as I see some kids roaming the streets doing all kinds and out at all hours ...

Hope you and A are ok ... Hows the pump going ??

Heidi
xx🙂

 

[insulinaddict09]

You are a mom in a million, Heidi! xx 🙂 xx

Pssst Ive just sneaked in to say I totally agree with Mand !! you are awesome Heidi

P.s I think all you mums, are brilliant

 

[sasha1]

Pssst Ive just sneaked in to say I totally agree with Mand !! you are awesome Heidi

P.s I think all you mums, are brilliant

Hehehehe ... Sneak in all you want hun ... the more the merrier ...

Thank you hun .... And I will second that all us mums are one in a million and are brilliant too ...

Sending you all BIG ((((((HUGS))))))

Heidi
xx🙂

 

[sasha1]

Good Evening All ...

Today has been a brilliant day for both me and Nathan .... ... Balance has been restored after the past couple of days of trauma and angst ..

Nathan's levels have been spot on and he has seemed much more relaxed and happy ... have the hormones settled down for a couple of days ..?? ... He even, shock, horror did a BG test when I asked if he would mind doing one as he said he felt hungry .. did it without a blink ....

The weather has been terrible up here today so we have'nt been anywhere .. but Nathan asked if I would go on the xbox with him for a little bit to play Call of Duty ... Now admittedly I am totally rubbish at this .. but it gave us time together to chat about all things .. and for Nathan to have the opportunity to take the p*** out of me for being so rubbish at said game .. but it made him smile and laugh .. so thats the main thing .. 🙂

Later on last night though ... I overheard a conversation he was having with a friend through Xbox .. In which he was discussing at great length his diabetes, carbohydrate, sugar and injections .. He also told his friend he had been in a bad mood for the past couple of days .. and that everything had got on top of him ... but what made me proud of him but also shed a silent tear was ... when his friend had commented something about injections ... Nathan said " I have no choice .. if I dont do them I become ill very quickly .. and they keep me alive .. I get my mam going by saying I'm not doing them .. and at the time I mean it .. she justs says fair enough .. and leaves me alone .. but I calm down and think .. I want to be able to see my mam in a few years.."

Thats the positive for today as hard as diabetes is .. Teenagers do understand the consequences of there actions .. in Nathans case .. and its just another weapon ..

Tomorrow is another day ... so our house may again be Nathan's battlefield .. but if that is the case .. one thing is for sure the lines of communication will remain open ..

Heidi
xx🙂

 

[Sugarbum]

This is a great idea heidi, well done. I am sure this will be a good read and also really helpful to others. I always hope as well that these new big subjects help the more silent members feel confident to get posting (not that there is anything wrong with just reading but I think we all become richer here from the experiences of others!).

I shall deifnately be popping in and out of the thread. Good luck with it all. Love lou x

 

[sasha1]

Hi Lou ....

Thank you hun ... I do hope it will help others and as you say for more peeps to come on and post ... We are all on this long road together ... and often its a damn bumpy ride ... We learn best and gain more knowledge by sharing experiences and no book can provide this ...

Please come on and post anytime hun ... It would be great for us parents to have a fresh pair of eyes cast over our experiences and to share your opinions/feelings of being diabetic .. in order for us to help our children better.

Heidi
xx🙂

 

[Mand]

Good Evening All ...

Today has been a brilliant day for both me and Nathan ....  ... Balance has been restored after the past couple of days of trauma and angst ..

Nathan's levels have been spot on and he has seemed much more relaxed and happy ... have the hormones settled down for a couple of days ..?? ... He even, shock, horror did a BG test when I asked if he would mind doing one as he said he felt hungry .. did it without a blink .... 

The weather has been terrible up here today so we have'nt been anywhere .. but Nathan asked if I would go on the xbox with him for a little bit to play Call of Duty ... Now admittedly I am totally rubbish at this .. but it gave us time together to chat about all things .. and for Nathan to have the opportunity to take the p*** out of me for being so rubbish at said game .. but it made him smile and laugh .. so thats the main thing .. 

Later on last night though ... I overheard a conversation he was having with a friend through Xbox .. In which he was discussing at great length his diabetes, carbohydrate, sugar and injections .. He also told his friend he had been in a bad mood for the past couple of days .. and that everything had got on top of him ... but what made me proud of him but also shed a silent tear was ... when his friend had commented something about injections ... Nathan said " I have no choice .. if I dont do them I become ill very quickly .. and they keep me alive .. I get my mam going by saying I'm not doing them .. and at the time I mean it .. she justs says fair enough .. and leaves me alone .. but I calm down and think .. I want to be able to see my mam in a few years.."

Thats the positive for today as hard as diabetes is .. Teenagers do understand the consequences of there actions .. in Nathans case .. and its just another weapon .. 

Tomorrow is another day ... so our house may again be Nathan's battlefield .. but if that is the case .. one thing is for sure the lines of communication will remain open .. 

Heidi
xx

Oh Heidi! This brought tears to my eyes. I am so glad that things have settled for now and i am glad that you overheard what Nathan said because now you know that he does understand, he does think it all through in his own time/way and, most of all, it proves that all your hard work and input is worthwhile. 🙂

As you say, the doors of communication are open. I think that this is the most important thing with a teenager. My daughter and i have had our ups and downs through her pre teenage and teenage years but i have always worked hard to keep communication going to ensure that i can still give guidance and support though the 'Kevin' years! Not that she was too bad but it was still hard at times.

She is 16 now and definately more mature and coming out of the 'teenage' stage. She was worse from 11 to 15. She will start college in September and i think she will mature even more then as she will have more responsibility (she will be in placements as well as studying at college) and more independance (she will be travelling by bus then train to college).

It's nice when you can see them coming out the other side!

 

[bev]

Heidi,
I just read the incident that happened yesterday, and i dont mind telling you i welled up! You must feel hugely re-assured that Nathan does realise that he HAS to inject etc.. But more than that - he was actually explaining to his friend the enormity of what could happen if he didnt. This is actually a roundabout way of defending you and your treatment of him/his diabetes - which just shows that he is 'on your side' - even though he wouldnt tell you that to your face! Every word you say to him is being noted - so keep up with the good work - your a fab mum - and Nathan knows that too. Hope you have a calm day today too!🙂Bev xx

 

[sasha1]

Hi All ...

Thank you Mand and Bev ... Nathan has indirectly re-assured me in so many ways .. and I was ginning like a cheshire cat to with total pride in him ... .. I just hope and want him to see me as not the enemy .. but regardless of being diabetic or not .. he is a teenager .. and us parents are viewed on many occassions as the enemy .. I remember having the same feelings towards my own parents at times ... hehehe ...

As for Nathan understanding the full consequences of mistreating his diabetes .. In our town we regularly see a man in his late 30's early 40's who is type 1 diabetic but also a Heroin Addict ... 😱 ... I have made no secret of pointing this man out to Nathan from the day he was diagnosed .. and remimding him of the what the many dangers are from ignoring diabetes and in the extreme being addicted to class A drugs ... The man is a total mess .. I cannot put in to words exacly how he looks but ill .. is'nt anywhere near .. He even keeled over in front of Nathan in boots while we were waiting for Nathan's prescription ... We later found out that the man had taken a load of insulin, forgot to eat , just had his methadone ... and this was the result ... The look on Nathan's face .... Fear .... and when we were discussing it later that day ..he said "the man was an idiot, for taking the risks he did" ... It also opened up the question from Nathan ... " If mam, a cure or some other treatment becomes available where would he be on the list" .. I replied " Honestly son at the bottom, why would any doctor want to treat someone who abuses his body in this way" ... too which Nathan said " Thats why I'm going to totally look after myself .. I want to be at the top of the list"

Heidi
xx

 

[Mand]

Nathan said " Thats why I'm going to totally look after myself .. I want to be at the top of the list"

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Mand xx 🙂

 

[sasha1]

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Mand xx 🙂

Hi Mand ...

Could'nt agree more .... Result ...

On a more serious note though ... This may sound awful .. but if there were ever to feature an advert for the perils of drugs .. and drugs and diabetes ... and the risks/consequences that do happen ... This man should be used ...

Heidi
xx🙂

 

[Inland-Revenue Man]

Everything wrote in this thread is spot on: It sums up perfectly the problems of caring for a diabetic teenager who is trying to be like his mates in rebelling and finding his way in life. I know I did the same as a type 1 growing up (Diagnosed at 18 months old) and my mother and father acted in the same way! Unfortunately, as has been said, whilst we try to be "normal" diabetes means that we must take our health and lifestyle seriously or face the none too pleasant consequences.

My mother and father, although divorcing when I was aged 7, were united on the issue of my diabetes and how it should be taken seriously. They also followed the same path as Heidi during my teenage years: At the end of the day it would upset them, but it would be me that would suffer if I made light of my diabetes. It also helped that my Nan was a nurse who was also forthright in her views on how diabetes should be managed!

I am now in my mid 20s, living in my own flat and managing my life but my parent's guidance during the teenage rebellion years have ensured that my diabetes is taken seriously. Heidi, your approach is entirely correct!

Wonderful posts by all in this thread!