Late Miscarriage

[Montima]

Hi all, I turned 40 in December and my hubby to be took me to Miami as a surprise which was amazing! We had an even bigger surprise a month later when i found out I was pregnant! My husband to be was even more shocked as he’s 46 and just never thought he’d be a dad to his own child...

I’ve had 2 successful pregnancies already from a previous marriage but some time ago now, my daughters are 15 and 11.

We were so very excited but understood that it would be a high risk pregnancy with me being T1 for 34 yrs and now over 40

First 2 scans were fine, really healthy baby but at my 17 wk midwife appt they couldn’t find a heartbeat. We went to hospital for a scan and there was no heartbeat.

I delivered our little boy, we called him Monty. His funeral was on Thursday. We are all so absolutely heartbroken
We are due to have a follow up with gynae in 6 weeks and I have a telephone call with my diabetes consultant next week but I wondered if anyone else had experienced similar? I have so many questions I could do with someone to reach out to...

 

[Thebearcametoo]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I have a few friends who have lost babies at a similar point and it’s very distressing. You may get some answers as to what caused issues or you may not. Either way you will go through cycles of grief including feeling guilty. That’s completely natural. There are support services to help you so reach out when you feel ready. Be gentle with yourself. We’re here any time you want to talk about Monty.

 

[Grannylorraine]

I am so sorry for your loss, sending you love. Please try and be kind to yourself at this desperately sad time for you and your family. There is a charity called Tommys who might be able offer you some support.

 

[trophywench]

Awww - {{{Hugs}}}

I only have second hand knowledge I'm afraid and not obviously in the current situation, however at the 6 week follow up ladies are told any reasons that this may have happened which apply to them, one of the most common things when mum has diabetes, is simply not having good enough BG control before the pregnancy hence when the couple conceive the baby (the 94 seconds the advert jokes about) and thereafter which is much more than tricky since all the extra preg hormones make it so, and do different things at different stages of the pregnancy, so you need to test shedloads and also be on a higher dose of Folic Acid which is ONLY available on prescription from asap and, if you are actually at the stage where you are trying again, some GPs will prescribe it from then. (Granddaughter isn't T1 but had various probs with her innards whilst preg and had to have high dose folic acid, so GP gave it her from when they were just TTC their second)

OTOH at the 6 week mark, they might just as easily tell you there's absolutely no identifiable reason for him not to thrive, so there's nothing to stop you trying again when you're ready.

However, whichever it is, at your Diabetes clinic they will happily work closely with you from when you start to be thinking about the next time, with lots of advice on achieving the right BG control and then when you do conceive, there's help all along the way from the maternity dept - including monthly scans as standard.

 

[merrymunky]

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I lost a son at 16 weeks gestation in November 2018 after a 10 year journey to conceive a child. I understand the devastating heartbreak it causes. I also understand the lasting trauma from labouring, delivering and handing over your precious baby then dealing with post mortem and funerals etc. It’s a wonder we ever function normally again.

The most likely reason for the loss was that I was living with undiagnosed and uncontrolled type 2 diabetes. I lost another baby at 6 weeks in August last year but then had the fortune to fall pregnant a month later and am girl in the middle of May. I will be almost 40 and a first time ‘proper’ mother.
it hasn’t been easy and I am still terrified about what may go wrong before she arrives but trying to stay positive and have faith that she will come home with us.

Always here if you need an ear. Feel free to DM me.

 

[Lucy Honeychurch]

I'm so sorry to hear about Monty, sending you big hugs x

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

So so sorry to hear about the death of beautiful Monty. Thank you for sharing your painful story here. It is a very brave thing to do.

It must have been very difficult for you, especially to have a funeral during this strange time. I hope you have folks around you to check-in and support you - even if only electronically.

I really hope you get some answers, and support at your follow-up appointment. It might be an idea to make a note of the questions you are thinking about over the next few weeks, because I know from normal, non-stressful appointments how easy it can be to completely forget important topics you have thought of during the appointment itself.

Big hugs to you at this difficult time.

 

[PhoebeC]

So sorry to hear this. Hope you are well xx

 

[Lucylemonpip]

Sending hugs to you and your partner, on the very sad loss of Monty.