Im back and probably at my worst

[Emzi]

Well the title says it all I think

Not been on here for a while - (ive floated in and out but not said hello)

So many things have happened to contribute to my epic 'fall of the wagon', split with my partner - very good thing it wasnt a good relationship, silver lining is I have met someone new and been seeing each other for 8 months now so thats good.
Since last June I just cant seem to find the part of me that cares anymore. My Hba1c was always 10+ and I worked really hard and managed after 3 years of trying to secure a place of the DAFNE course and got my result down to 8.2 - my lowest but since the epic fail I havent had a test done, not seen my consultant or nurses. My bloods are no existant - dont do them and I barely remember to inject. I always do my evening Levemir but thats it, im lucky if I remember to do the others. I feel like c**p, its also made me put on weight because the constant thirst is bloating me and my exercise regime is out the window.
The problem is ... its all me!!! Im the one doing this to myself and I want to stop but I honestly dont know what it will take for me to kick myself into touch, I have the best intention to - hence coming back on here and ive made an appointment to get a recent hba1c which im getting on friday.
I dont really know what I expect to get from pouring all my woes out - I dont want sympathy because its my fault and im not sure anyone can kick my behind hard enough to get on the right path but I am willing to give things ago.
Just thought if I put how I was feeling down in writing so to speak it might do some good.

Sorry for the moan guys - not really how I wanted my reapperance to be but hey ho 🙂

 

[Copepod]

Welcome back Emzi.

No sympathy - as you've said you don't want any!

How about starting with breakfast this morning? Have you eaten anything this morning? Have you tested your blood glucose before? have you injected? If not, no worrries, but test & inject before your next meal around midday.

One test, one injection, one meal at a time - you'll get there. 🙂

 

[Northerner]

Hi Emma, very pleased to hear from you again, but sorry to hear about the circumstances that have brought you here. It's a very good thing that you have recognised your situation and know that it can't go on, and great to see that you have already made some steps towards getting back control.

There are times in everyone's lives when they neglect themselves and their health, but for us with diabetes we have that knowledge that there are consequences nagging away at the backs of our minds. As Copepod says, the way back is to deal with it one step at a time and not let it overwhelm you. If we can help in any way, then do let us know.

I don't know whether it might help you to get in touch with DWED (Diabetics With Eating Disorders). I'm not suggesting that you have an eating disorder, but they may be able to point you at some good sources of help to get you back on track with doing your regular tests and injections. Their website is http://dwed.org.uk/

Please keep posting and let us know how things are going - we're right behind you! 🙂

 

[trophywench]

Hey Ho! indeed Emma!

We've not met before, pleased to meet you.

One sure thing is, nobody can change the past - but we can all change the future and if that's what you want to do then everybody here will certainly try and help you to do it. And you do want to, else you wouldn't be here, would you?

Small steps, marathon not a sprint, all that jazz. Trite maybe; true definitely.

I prescribe a couple of things; the first being a Log Book. Starting asap you have to write down your test results, what you eat, the carbs and your doses. If you do that for a week - then you must give yourself a treat and reward yourself. The reward is the second thing I prescribe - give yourself some TLC. A massage or a facial or a hairdo, manicure - whatever you would like. As long as it's just for you, whatever it is.

And then, item 3. Tackle what that Log Book tells you.

If you can't interpret the results then put them on here - someone else will be able to! You could start with Basal testing. It doesn't stay the same forever and I've just had a fairly eventful (ie many hypo'd) fortnight sorting mine out, And you know what? - it wasn't all basal. I've changed basal and my carb ratio. Never had to change my ratio before and I didn't really want to, TBH. But so far, it works.

Finally can you try and re-establish connections with your D support network - how's your DSN? Is it time you two touched base?

Good luck!

 

[ukjohn]

Welcome back Emma

OK No sympathy, as thats what you are not looking for, so, its your life, you are the only one that has control over it, think of the complications you could be storing up for yourself, is that what you really want. Now is the time to start putting things right, it doesn't matter how long it takes to get things right , the main thing is start right now. You say you have a new boyfriend, show him that you are strong enough to deal with this, I'm sure he would be proud of his partner showing pride and strength to fight to put things right. As Copepod said if its to late for breakfast then start lunchtime TODAY. You know you will get support from this forum, but we can't do it for you . Good luck Emma, keep in touch, and show us the person we think you are.

John.

 

[Violetrose2004]

Hi,
I am now three / four weeks further on from where you are now.
I was only doing levemir and random other jabs in the day (if any).
I had to kick myself really hard to start again.
Please listen to the advice on here because I have found it incredibly helpful. They are right about not being too hard on yourself and you said yourself you are the only one who can actually do it. I know that. I am now managing to do all my jabs, with good grace!! and am testing like it is going out of fashion! My GP must be wondering what I am doing with all the test strips!
The log book has helped no end - I first thought - 'I don't need to do that!' - but actually, I have to admit that it has been really useful. I can use it to see patterns and make changes as needed, also writing down what I eat is making big changes in my diet because I don't just want to see chocolate and beer! There is now fruit. Yes, fruit!
I hope you can see a little forward way to go, I am feeling brighter in myself even just after such a short time of getting better at it.
Take care,
Hilary

 

[Newtothis]

You've done the 2 most important things 1) recognising you need support; advice and guidance and 2) asking for it.

Don't forget who YOU are; you control your diabetes it doesn't control you. Take each day as its your first and I'm sure before long you'll be where you want and need to be.

Its about putting things into perspective and taking the reins.... Amanda x 🙂

 

[Salinda]

I can't add much to the excellent advice given by all these lovely people but am sending virtual hugs and healing thoughts. Treat yourself as you would treat your best friend. Be kind and gentle. Tell us how you get on.
Linda

 

[Katieb]

Hi Emma. Nice to talk to you. Can't add much to what's already been said, just glad to see you taking this first step (which in itself is a big one!) and hope you find the support of the forum helps you to make the next ones. Wishing you lots of luck and best wishes. Katie

 

[Robster65]

Hi Emma.

Well done for taking the first step. You clearly want to get back on track.

Can't really add anything to what's been said but want to urge you to take it one step at a time.🙂

Rob

 

[Twitchy]

Hiya...just wanted to say well done for being so honest and recognising things need to change - it's not easy always to get even that far! 🙂 And for what it's worth, i find life, relationships, health etc normally runs more smoothly when i invest the time & effort to get the diabetes running smoothly first, so although it might feel like a drag, as the ads go, "You're worth it!!" 😉

Be gentle, remember rome wasnt built in a day & you'll get there. Xxx

 

[RSVP]

Is your partner able to help you at all to get back on track?
Not 100% sure if your fall off the wagon as you put it is down to you getting on and doing the things you feel a "normal" person would do.
OR
If you are just VERY VERY down and are basically at the bottom.

Hope you can get back on track 🙂

Take Care

Sarah x

 

[AJLang]

I hope that by talking to us you feel that you can starting taking those steps to improving things. Just make one change at a time and eventually they will all add up so that you get the results you need. I find it hugely motivating to look at the average numbers on my testing machine. They had gone up to 11.5 so I've had a big thrill this week because by yesterday the 7 day average had gone donw to 9.8. My next step is to aim to get it down to 9.2. Possibly you could do something like this with your morning average so, for example if at the moment it is 15 that you gradually get it down to 12 then 10 then 9 until it's at a level that you are really happy with. xx

 

[shirl]

Hi Emma,

So sorry you've had such a hard time but as you say at the end of the day it is your decision on how you choose to treat yourself or not. But having said that you have made the decision to come back on here so that is a positive move and the only way now is up 🙂

Good luck and take care,

Shirl

 

[margie]

Hi Emma - its nice to see you back here again - the first step in finding a solution is admitting that there is a problem and you have done that. You also know that the most likely reason you feel so rubbishy is that your bloods are running high.

Can you contact your DSN and get them to help you get things back on track. It may benefit you to look at talking to a counsellor who can help you work out what is going on in your life that is leading you to jeopardise your health.

I hope that you are able through your GP/DSN or whoever you decide to confide in to get yourself back on the straight and narrow.

 

[daisymoo84]

Hi Emma. Well done for having the courage to post so honestly. You've had some great advice already and I can't really add to it but wanted to wish you luck 🙂

 

[slipper]

I agree with the fact that your honesty shows your strength, thats an amazing asset to have. OK, it slipped for a while, but it was today you came on here and thats the start of your getting back on track.

Take it in stages and you will soon feel better about and in yourself. 🙂

 

[MCH]

Hi-nice to have you back.

I think we all go through bad patches - but we don't all admit it 😉

I think that the fact you have written your post means you have decided to begin to start to try to sort yourself out and that means you have started to take control again which is brilliant and gets you 50 Brownie points at least.

Well done.

 

[Emzi]

Hi Guys Thank you all so much for your supportive words that ive been reading over the weekend.
Well I started a fresh and over the weekend made myself a new chart to record my bloods+food and thought monday was a good time to start it and im not gunna put any pressure on and just see how it goes really.
Ive also ordered the DAFNE carb counting book from my hospital coz im counting blind so to speak at the moment and trying to rely on packets and memory. I have my HBA1c booked for friday and im going to book an appointment with my DSN/ consultant soon.

Well I must admit today has not been as bad as I thought ... I nearly slipped up thinking I would have breakfast then inject once at work but I stopped myself because I know that means ill forget and end up injectingat 9pm instead. My blood was 2.3 this morning - result of a random injection amount last night and I ate special k and 1 coffee and had a bite of a snickers to boost me and had my levemir. My blood was 5.2 at 12.30 and I had a jacket spud for lunch with chicken and coleslaw and a side salad plus a packet of peanut m&ms. By 6.15pm my blood was a good 7.3 - tea was veg soup, 2 slices of toast and 4 hobnobs for pud and i took my last blood 15mins ago at 10pm and it was 9.0. So im just gunna take 24 units of levemir. Im not going to correct the 9.0 just incase its still working coz i took my insulin after id eaten.

Im quite pleased with the effort and bloods today - its fairy steps i have to admit and each day will get hard but im still going to try.

Thanks Guys

 

[Northerner]

That's excellent Emma - well done! Behind you all the way 🙂 Hope you have a good night's sleep and wake to good numbers in the morning 🙂