I need a little bit of support

[a-aminamorbid]

Hello everyone I hope all is well and you're doing well ? I apologise for not coming on here as much a lot has happened. I will also apologize for constantly trauma dumping and being negative my apologies.
So I hope it's ok that I'll share my issues thank you for reading. It's also a long post SORRY.

I've been unwell for years but the past year it's been a lot.
I've just received some of the tests.
Firstly my blood sugar levels is getting higher. It's 42 now I'm not surprised I've been trying to control it for 4 years and it's not going down. I do low carb no bread pasta cereal etc. Everything is low carb high fibre high protein. And it's 42 I'm fed up and over this. I might ask the doctor to put me on Metformin. I'm saddened because I'm exhausted and hopeless.

On top of that I'm gonna get a scan to see if I have ovarian cancer amongst
inflammatory pelvic disease, liver
cirrhosis, pleural or peritoneal inflammation and endometriosis. My test says cancer antigen 125 abnormal results so I guess that's not good.

On top of that I'm waiting to see if I have gluten intolerance, celiac or Crohn's disease as well.

I'm in so much pain I've been in pain for years but it's worse. I have no one I'm a carer. I feel hopeless and I'm not scared kinda relieved. If its cancer it's an end. I think what hurts the most is how relentlessly painful my life has been and how alone I am. I cannot tell anyone. I made a mistake telling mum and I regret that won't do that again.

I just wanna say thank you all for the help and support.

 

[IrvineHimself]

I apologise for not coming on here as much a lot has happened. I will also apologize for constantly trauma dumping and being negative my apologies.

Trauma dumping is what we are here for, so there is absolutely no need to apologise. Also, given life's pressures, intermittent appearances on the forum is perfectly normal, and with everything going on in your life, being negative is perfectly understandable.

I feel hopeless and I'm not scared kinda relieved. If its cancer it's an end

I have to admit, about 16 months ago, when I first reached out to Streetwork, giving up and spending the winter in an isolated area of the North of Scotland was a serious option. At the time, with my health rapidly declining, a graceful exit in one final adventure seemed appropriate. Needless to say, now, I am glad I didn't!

To better understand where you are coming from, I had a wee look at your introductory post: Caring for an elderly relative, especially one with the medical problems you describe is a really tough gig and can really sap ones will to live. This is especially true for someone who [at only 30] still has their life ahead of them.

Others will offer help and advice about your medical problems [which sound nasty], but I suspect your low moral is a result of the pressures from being your Mum's carer and would suggest that you seek help with this. It is a recognised problem, and there are many organisations who offer support for carers. Getting some free time for yourself to allow a social life and a small holiday would probably do wonders for your outlook on life.

As a first step, you could try the Diabetes UK helpline:

Tel: 0345 123 2399​

Email: support.forum@diabetes.org.uk​

As they say in France, 'Bon Courage'
irvine

 

[Docb]

Looking back at your previous posts, I see we talked about you trying to get support for you as a carer by looking for carer services in your area. Did you try that, and if so, how did you get on?

 

[Spathiphyllum]

Yes-- Amina, how did you get on with your therapy, and finding support for yourself as a carer?

Right now, I'd say-- don't worry about your blood sugar levels. Or your other medical problems-- all you can do, or need to do, is wait for the further test results and see what the medics treating you for those conditions advise.

Right now, the urgent thing is that you are feeling so hopeless and in pain and alone. So-- please do let us know how your previous therapy went, and whether you got in touch with an organisation providing support for carers and if so how that went; and then we can think about what to do next. You are not alone, and there is hope.

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

Gosh @a-aminamorbid you have such a lot on.

No wonder you are really feeling it

Hope you can get through the next barrage of tests, and that a clearer way forward and treatment plan will emerge. It can be hard to balance the needs of multiple conditions when you don’t know what they are - and illness and injury can have a direct impact on your blood glucose levels.

If it’s 42mmol/l that’s an HbA1c just into ‘at risk of diabetes’ territory, and I suspect it could be much higher without the carb-moderation you are using as part of your approach.

Hope the test results come through for you soon, and point the way forward 🙂

 

[a-aminamorbid]

Trauma dumping is what we are here for, so there is absolutely no need to apologise. Also, given life's pressures, intermittent appearances on the forum is perfectly normal, and with everything going on in your life, being negative is perfectly understandable.


I have to admit, about 16 months ago, when I first reached out to Streetwork, giving up and spending the winter in an isolated area of the North of Scotland was a serious option. At the time, with my health rapidly declining, a graceful exit in one final adventure seemed appropriate. Needless to say, now, I am glad I didn't!

To better understand where you are coming from, I had a wee look at your introductory post: Caring for an elderly relative, especially one with the medical problems you describe is a really tough gig and can really sap ones will to live. This is especially true for someone who [at only 30] still has their life ahead of them.

Others will offer help and advice about your medical problems [which sound nasty], but I suspect your low moral is a result of the pressures from being your Mum's carer and would suggest that you seek help with this. It is a recognised problem, and there are many organisations who offer support for carers. Getting some free time for yourself to allow a social life and a small holiday would probably do wonders for your outlook on life.

As a first step, you could try the Diabetes UK helpline:

Tel: 0345 123 2399​

Email: support.forum@diabetes.org.uk​

As they say in France, 'Bon Courage'
irvine

Hello thank you very much for the help and support. I appreciate the advice and thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad you are here. I will phone them and ask for some advice thank you very much. Yes I've asked help but my mother doesn't want outside help. I've had a few assessments. I'm not going to be able to get extra help or a carer respite unfortunately. Thank you so much for your help and kindness. Please be well

 

[a-aminamorbid]

Looking back at your previous posts, I see we talked about you trying to get support for you as a carer by looking for carer services in your area. Did you try that, and if so, how did you get on?

Yes hello I remember you I hope you are well ? Well at the moment I've managed to adapt the house better for mum. Less worry for me I was going therapy but I've been discharged I'm taking antidepressants but at the moment I'm not feeling like they are working. I'm going to see my GP to get back into therapy again. I was supposed to do therapy for carers but they have no available space. I've been slowly doing the work I appreciate your kindness and words of wisdom especially from last time . Thank you . Also erm I'm not able to get more help but if I get sicker I will ask for another carers assessment and ask help for myself not mum.

 

[a-aminamorbid]

Yes-- Amina, how did you get on with your therapy, and finding support for yourself as a carer?

Right now, I'd say-- don't worry about your blood sugar levels. Or your other medical problems-- all you can do, or need to do, is wait for the further test results and see what the medics treating you for those conditions advise.

Right now, the urgent thing is that you are feeling so hopeless and in pain and alone. So-- please do let us know how your previous therapy went, and whether you got in touch with an organisation providing support for carers and if so how that went; and then we can think about what to do next. You are not alone, and there is hope.

Hello thank you for your comment and care. I did go to therapy it was helpful. I'm on antidepressants. But I've been discharged from therapy. I was supposed to get therapy for Harrow carers but they had no available spaces. So I have to go back to my old therapist but I need to see my GP to arrange that.

At the moment this where I'm at. I appreciate your help and support. You are a wonderful person. I am very much alone. I could die in my bed and my mother and brother wouldn't know or care. I'm hoping its cancer I'm tired.

 

[a-aminamorbid]

Gosh @a-aminamorbid you have such a lot on.

No wonder you are really feeling it

Hope you can get through the next barrage of tests, and that a clearer way forward and treatment plan will emerge. It can be hard to balance the needs of multiple conditions when you don’t know what they are - and illness and injury can have a direct impact on your blood glucose levels.

If it’s 42mmol/l that’s an HbA1c just into ‘at risk of diabetes’ territory, and I suspect it could be much higher without the carb-moderation you are using as part of your approach.

Hope the test results come through for you soon, and point the way forward 🙂

Thank you for this. I know low carbing is helping. Yes maybe because I'm I'll it's high but it's still nerve wracking. Thank you for your advice and guidance. I'm hoping for the same thing with these tests thank you very much.

 

[a-aminamorbid]

Yes-- Amina, how did you get on with your therapy, and finding support for yourself as a carer?

Right now, I'd say-- don't worry about your blood sugar levels. Or your other medical problems-- all you can do, or need to do, is wait for the further test results and see what the medics treating you for those conditions advise.

Right now, the urgent thing is that you are feeling so hopeless and in pain and alone. So-- please do let us know I how your previous therapy went, and whether you got in touch with an organisation providing support for carers and if so how that went; and then we can think about what to do next. You are not alone, and there is hope.

I hear you bit still worried about my blood sugar . I deal with numbness (my fault) and feet problems so I'm not in good shape. Plus with all the health issues I dunno it's not looking too good.

 

[rebrascora]

Hi. Really sorry to hear you are going through such a lot with your own health plus the added burden of being a carer and mostly unsupported in that role, by the sound of it.

As regards your result of 42 can I ask what that is? If it is an HbA1c result then I would say that it is probably a very good result and whilst the dietary changes you have made are no doubt keeping it low, so many congratulations on that, it is not a result that you should be concerned or worry about, particularly in light of your other health issues, so in lots of respects you should be feeling really proud of yourself, because you are doing incredibly well. 42 is right at the bottom end of prediabetes so pretty much a normal result. Most GPs would not consider prescribing medication with a result that good.

If however that is a serum Blood Glucose result of 42, then they probably should be taking you into hospital pronto because dietary changes, nor metformin are going to sort it and the likelihood is that you need insulin.

Those 2 situations above are extremes, so knowing what that result of 42 refers to is vitally important as to how you view your diabetes situation. If you can clarify that then hopefully we can reassure you that the first situation I have described above is indicative of your diabetes status and you should be giving yourself a big pat on the back, not worrying about it.

 

[a-aminamorbid]

Hi. Really sorry to hear you are going through such a lot with your own health plus the added burden of being a carer and mostly unsupported in that role, by the sound of it.

As regards your result of 42 can I ask what that is? If it is an HbA1c result then I would say that it is probably a very good result and whilst the dietary changes you have made are no doubt keeping it low, so many congratulations on that, it is not a result that you should be concerned or worry about, particularly in light of your other health issues, so in lots of respects you should be feeling really proud of yourself, because you are doing incredibly well. 42 is right at the bottom end of prediabetes so pretty much a normal result. Most GPs would not consider prescribing medication with a result that good.

If however that is a serum Blood Glucose result of 42, then they probably should be taking you into hospital pronto because dietary changes, nor metformin are going to sort it and the likelihood is that you need insulin.

Those 2 situations above are extremes, so knowing what that result of 42 refers to is vitally important as to how you view your diabetes situation. If you can clarify that then hopefully we can reassure you that the first situation I have described above is indicative of your diabetes status and you should be giving yourself a big pat on the back, not worrying about it.

Thank you so much for your comment and kindness. Yes it's HbA1c of 42. I can't feel happy because of I've been doing my best to control it and I'm not . I'm just so tired . I do appreciate your comment it has calmed me down..thank your for your wisdom. I appreciate it

 

[rebrascora]

Thank you so much for your comment and kindness. Yes it's HbA1c of 42. I can't feel happy because of I've been doing my best to control it and I'm not . I'm just so tired . I do appreciate your comment it has calmed me down..thank your for your wisdom. I appreciate it

You absolutely are "controlling" it as much as any of us can control it. The inflammation in your body that you mention which is causing you pain will almost certainly mean that you cannot push it into remission but 42 is more than good enough. I work really hard at my diabetes management and the lowest I have ever achieved is 45 in the last 4 years so I would be jumping for joy with a 42! Your expectation is too high and you it is important that you recognize how well you are doing in maintaining your levels that low rather than beat yourself up that they are not lower. Many people cannot achieve remission for a whole variety of reasons, many not fully understood and those people should not feel like they have failed particularly when, in reality, like you, they are achieving great success. Please lighten up on yourself. You are doing brilliantly even without considering all the other difficulties you are facing. If you are struggling to maintain the dietary control and need the odd treat, then have it, particularly in your current circumstances. There is no shame in needing medication to help you if your current dietary regime is making life difficult.... so if that is the reason why you are feeing fed up, then loosen up your diet a bit and if your levels go up a bit then accept some medication to help find the balance. Good diabetes management is about using the tools available to balance things. The main tools are diet exercise and medication. I imagine you will have limited time and opportunity for exercise if you are a sole carer and it sounds like you are being really strict with your diet, which is fine if you enjoy a low carb diet but it isn't if you are struggling. Also, it doesn't mean, if you start some medication now, that you may not be able to come off it at a later date, particularly if/when your other health issues get investigated and improved or resolved.

Really hope you can find a way to resolve this in your mind because you are doing brilliantly. Please be kind to yourself and try to see your diabetes management for the amazing success it is and give yourself a pat on the back.

Sending huge (((HUGS))) your way.

 

[a-aminamorbid]

You absolutely are "controlling" it as much as any of us can control it. The inflammation in your body that you mention which is causing you pain will almost certainly mean that you cannot push it into remission but 42 is more than good enough. I work really hard at my diabetes management and the lowest I have ever achieved is 45 in the last 4 years so I would be jumping for joy with a 42! Your expectation is too high and you it is important that you recognize how well you are doing in maintaining your levels that low rather than beat yourself up that they are not lower. Many people cannot achieve remission for a whole variety of reasons, many not fully understood and those people should not feel like they have failed particularly when, in reality, like you, they are achieving great success. Please lighten up on yourself. You are doing brilliantly even without considering all the other difficulties you are facing. If you are struggling to maintain the dietary control and need the odd treat, then have it, particularly in your current circumstances. There is no shame in needing medication to help you if your current dietary regime is making life difficult.... so if that is the reason why you are feeing fed up, then loosen up your diet a bit and if your levels go up a bit then accept some medication to help find the balance. Good diabetes management is about using the tools available to balance things. The main tools are diet exercise and medication. I imagine you will have limited time and opportunity for exercise if you are a sole carer and it sounds like you are being really strict with your diet, which is fine if you enjoy a low carb diet but it isn't if you are struggling. Also, it doesn't mean, if you start some medication now, that you may not be able to come off it at a later date, particularly if/when your other health issues get investigated and improved or resolved.

Really hope you can find a way to resolve this in your mind because you are doing brilliantly. Please be kind to yourself and try to see your diabetes management for the amazing success it is and give yourself a pat on the back.

Sending huge (((HUGS))) your way.

Thank you so much I'm trying to not be so hard on myself but I'm not a person who has made good choices in my life. I know it's my fault slot of these issues. I'll try and be less self critical but it's hard. I guess it's hard to feel proud or ok when health is concerned. I just wanna feel normal not in pain and not worry not just about me but my mother brother etc etc. But that's life I guess.

I'll try and be more positive and take your wisdom on board. Also congratulations on your bringing your blood sugar lower. You should be proud and I really hope you are doing ok and you are happy ?

I also appreciate your kindness I did feel like a failure and me possibly needing meds make me feel worse. Yes being a carer I have no time I'm either too tired stressed or overwhelmed. So rs your right I need a xtra help . As for good yes my diet is very limited and strict. Low carb and gluten free. I can't ease on the carbs because I'm afraid ashamed and don't trust it. Thank you for giving be courage and confidence. I do appreciate this. Please be well. Look after yourself.

 

[Leadinglights]

I would think that it is other factors that are giving you symptoms not what is a pretty normal HbA1C.
The care system is at breaking point and unfortunately people are struggling to get help but you have to persevere and think of yourself as unless you get some help and get your Mum to accept she needs support then things are not going to improve.

 

[a-aminamorbid]

I would think that it is other factors that are giving you symptoms not what is a pretty normal HbA1C.
The care system is at breaking point and unfortunately people are struggling to get help but you have to persevere and think of yourself as unless you get some help and get your Mum to accept she needs support then things are not going to improve.

Thank for your and explaining..I understand slot better that my health issues is making my blood sugar harder to control. Thank you for your advice honestly my mother will never accept. I've always said I would have to die for her to get outside help. It's ok thank you. Please be well and look after yourself.

 

[Callista]

Amina, hi. I've been a carer for an elderly relative in my time and quite frankly it's hell on wheels. Sorry to be blunt, but it is. It doesn't matter how much you love them, it's still hell. Being a carer eats your life, it's that grim.

You mention your mum AND your brother (neither of whom will care if you die in your bed............!). OK, what is your brother doing? You also describe yourself as 'carer/partner' so what is your partner doing? (Sorry if I've missed some of your story).

You also say, and this is SO key, that your mother 'doesn't want' (!!!) any outside carers. No, of course she doesn't. She just wants YOU. Again, sorry if this is in your story and I've missed it, but does your mother have dementia of any kind? This is important, as if she does, then her 'rational' mind has gone, and she is, or is on the way, to becoming 'an elderly toddler'. Now, as parents, and we told our toddler children that a nanny was coming in to look after them, or they were going to nursery, we wouldn't take any notice of them saying 'no, I don't want that'....because they are toddlers!

The same rule applies to the elderly with dementia. We have to take decisions about their care that take no notice of their 'toddler' views. This is even more essential because they have NO IDEA what caring for them costs us! (See, caring eats our lives, above!).

Whether or not your mum has dementia, has she the FAINTEST idea how much it costs you to look after her???? You are ILL, you have a LOT of health issues, physical and mental, but she doesn't care, does she??? (If she has dementia she 'cannot' care, any more than a toddler cares that 'mummy is very tired, darling....' it means nothing to a toddler.)

In the end, if you break down (let alone die in your be.....), your mum will have to go into a care home - what else? (Unless someone else in your family takes over??) (er, unlikely, or they would have taken one look at what you are coping with and already be helping out.)

Carees (ie, those we care for) can be 'ruthless', and extraordinarily selfish and exploitative. So, if your mum loved you she'd accept that you need to get in outside help. Maybe she's scared of being 'put in a home' or scared you'll hand her over to 'strangers' and never see her again (or whatever). No, outside carers are there to HELP you - to HELP you keep caring for her, which you CANNOT DO ON YOUR OWN!!!

So, you HAVE to play hardball. She will NOT 'agree' but her 'agreement' is not necessary. You have to tell her ' either you accept outside carers to support me caring for you, or I walk away and abandon you.' It's not 'outside carers or me' it's 'outside carers AND me, or NOT ME AT ALL'

Do NOT feel 'guilty' about this - it's necessary, ie, to get in outside carers, because otherwise you can't care AT ALL for her.


Finally can I just ask - 'Amina' sounds like you might be from an 'incomer' background? Woudl that be right?? (Sorry if I'm jumping to conclusions). But if that is so, then your cultural background might be such that family members are 'expected' to look after their elders, especially of course (!!!!) if they are female. You are not 'entitled' to refuse, etc. But, of course, you are entitled to refuse.


I' sorry I'm sounding so blunt, and so 'hostile' to caring - but, as I say, however much we love them, caring eats our lives. We cannot and should not do it on our own.

Please check out a wonderful site called Carers UK - I'll post the link - which has a lot of excellent ijnformation on getting financial support etc, but also the forum is full of 'burnt out' people (like I was!), and helping supporting each other. Like here, it's a 'trauma dumping' site for carers.


Wishing you 'better' - 'best' is not possible, but by laying it on the line to your mother (and any other of your family who thinks it's your bounden duty to give up your own life and health to your mother's care......!), you will lighten your own load, which will enable you to keep going without grindihng you down so much you end up dead in bed one morning..... (and then what will happen to your mum?????????)


But, sadly, it's up to you. We get the behaviour and treatment we put up with, so no one in your family, it seems will help you unless you help yourself. You are entitled NOT to be a carer - if you do take on the role, it has to be on YOUR terms. They are LUCKY you do ANY caring. You have NO 'duty of care' to your mum - what you do is YOUR choice, on YOUR terms.

Take heart, Callista (former carer, and survivor of being a carer!)

 

[Callista]

Our Forum | Carers UK

www.carersuk.org

Carers UK - a brilliant and supportive forum. Please do check it out! You will find emotional and psychological help, and a lot of practical tips (eg, on how to introduce external carers - first of all bring them with you, so you are there with them, while your mum gets used to them, and then little by little 'slip away' doing other things, so eventually you can leave your mum with them while you take a break, etc)

 

[Callista]

Just to add - I know I'm sounding really hostile (just remembering how grim my life was as a carer brings it all back alas!) but I think my key message is that a carer MUST 'take control' of the situation, otherwise one's caree takes control (and they will, either from fear, or selfishness, or just ignorance of how bad things are for you, be 'ruthless' about using you for their ends).

So often, we carers don't want to tell our carees just how hellish looking after them is - we don't want to hurt their feelings. But our feelings matter too. We have as much right to a decent life as anyone, and if that is something we have to tell our carees (and the rest of our family!) because they don't see it that way, then that is what we have to do.

No one who hasn't been a 24/x7 carer has ANY idea of how ghastly it can become.

 

[a-aminamorbid]

Amina, hi. I've been a carer for an elderly relative in my time and quite frankly it's hell on wheels. Sorry to be blunt, but it is. It doesn't matter how much you love them, it's still hell. Being a carer eats your life, it's that grim.

You mention your mum AND your brother (neither of whom will care if you die in your bed............!). OK, what is your brother doing? You also describe yourself as 'carer/partner' so what is your partner doing? (Sorry if I've missed some of your story).

You also say, and this is SO key, that your mother 'doesn't want' (!!!) any outside carers. No, of course she doesn't. She just wants YOU. Again, sorry if this is in your story and I've missed it, but does your mother have dementia of any kind? This is important, as if she does, then her 'rational' mind has gone, and she is, or is on the way, to becoming 'an elderly toddler'. Now, as parents, and we told our toddler children that a nanny was coming in to look after them, or they were going to nursery, we wouldn't take any notice of them saying 'no, I don't want that'....because they are toddlers!

The same rule applies to the elderly with dementia. We have to take decisions about their care that take no notice of their 'toddler' views. This is even more essential because they have NO IDEA what caring for them costs us! (See, caring eats our lives, above!).

Whether or not your mum has dementia, has she the FAINTEST idea how much it costs you to look after her???? You are ILL, you have a LOT of health issues, physical and mental, but she doesn't care, does she??? (If she has dementia she 'cannot' care, any more than a toddler cares that 'mummy is very tired, darling....' it means nothing to a toddler.)

In the end, if you break down (let alone die in your be.....), your mum will have to go into a care home - what else? (Unless someone else in your family takes over??) (er, unlikely, or they would have taken one look at what you are coping with and already be helping out.)

Carees (ie, those we care for) can be 'ruthless', and extraordinarily selfish and exploitative. So, if your mum loved you she'd accept that you need to get in outside help. Maybe she's scared of being 'put in a home' or scared you'll hand her over to 'strangers' and never see her again (or whatever). No, outside carers are there to HELP you - to HELP you keep caring for her, which you CANNOT DO ON YOUR OWN!!!

So, you HAVE to play hardball. She will NOT 'agree' but her 'agreement' is not necessary. You have to tell her ' either you accept outside carers to support me caring for you, or I walk away and abandon you.' It's not 'outside carers or me' it's 'outside carers AND me, or NOT ME AT ALL'

Do NOT feel 'guilty' about this - it's necessary, ie, to get in outside carers, because otherwise you can't care AT ALL for her.


Finally can I just ask - 'Amina' sounds like you might be from an 'incomer' background? Woudl that be right?? (Sorry if I'm jumping to conclusions). But if that is so, then your cultural background might be such that family members are 'expected' to look after their elders, especially of course (!!!!) if they are female. You are not 'entitled' to refuse, etc. But, of course, you are entitled to refuse.


I' sorry I'm sounding so blunt, and so 'hostile' to caring - but, as I say, however much we love them, caring eats our lives. We cannot and should not do it on our own.

Please check out a wonderful site called Carers UK - I'll post the link - which has a lot of excellent ijnformation on getting financial support etc, but also the forum is full of 'burnt out' people (like I was!), and helping supporting each other. Like here, it's a 'trauma dumping' site for carers.


Wishing you 'better' - 'best' is not possible, but by laying it on the line to your mother (and any other of your family who thinks it's your bounden duty to give up your own life and health to your mother's care......!), you will lighten your own load, which will enable you to keep going without grindihng you down so much you end up dead in bed one morning..... (and then what will happen to your mum?????????)


But, sadly, it's up to you. We get the behaviour and treatment we put up with, so no one in your family, it seems will help you unless you help yourself. You are entitled NOT to be a carer - if you do take on the role, it has to be on YOUR terms. They are LUCKY you do ANY caring. You have NO 'duty of care' to your mum - what you do is YOUR choice, on YOUR terms.

Take heart, Callista (former carer, and survivor of being a carer!)

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and read my moaning. I really do appreciate your kindness and words.
My brother does nothing he's 22 I cannot rely on him. My mum doesn't have dementia .
She had a stroke partial paralysis, she has type 2 as well.
I have no partner it's just me.
I agree at this point I'm overwhelmed but if she refuses they won't help.
I think what I'll do is contact help some charities and see if I can get extra help for myself if that's possible.

You are right if anything happens to me no one In my family would help. They do not care. I think in a way mum wants that. I know she wants to die. So she's given up. Even my brother is the same given up and he wants to die. I can't convince them of anything because they checked out a long time ago.

Yes being a carer is extremely hard and lonely. I honestly believe my mother just doesn't care at this point whether I stay or go. No one does. She knows how hard caring and how difficult things are but it's pointless.

Yes I'm black I'm West Indian the problem is my family is my family is fractured. No one cares about each other and we are all going through difficulties so no one is able to help one another. So the responsibility falls on me because I'm the eldest and there is simply no one else who gives a damn.