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I lied

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This thread is now closed. Please contact Anna DUK, Ieva DUK or everydayupsanddowns if you would like it re-opened.
bigpurpleduck

bigpurpleduck

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
When I said I was okay earlier.

As you all know, I suffered a very early miscarriage a couple of months ago. At the time I was stupidly busy at work and quite unable to think about it very much. Then on Friday I finally had my last day of work, which coincided with a Christmas lunch at which I was insulted by two colleagues. I've felt down since, and I now suspect it was a trigger to the beginning of all the stress catching up with me.

I think I'm coming down with a cold - sore throat & head, and BG creeping up. I'm exhausted - didn't get up until after 10 today and didn't shower 'til after 12. Then wrapped 4 Christmas presents, and that was it.

I'm feeling quite down on myself. I'm beating myself up about stupid little things. The comments made on Friday are still bothering me - it makes me feel like I'm useless at my job. Since the miscarriage, I've found it very difficult to be around my niece, who just turned 1. My OH tells me this is reflected in my behaviour when I'm around her - apparently I'm distant with her now. I hate myself for being like this - it's not her fault. But seeing her breaks my heart. I want children so badly and, although now is not the right time for us, it kills me that I won't be having a baby. I feel like I should be spending this Christmas excited about a pregnancy and looking forward to having a son or daughter this time next year.

I don't really know what I'm asking you guys for. I think I just needed to let someone know that I'm struggling. I'm trying really hard to be cheery and excited about Christmas, but I actually just want to lay in bed all day and do nothing.
 
Oh Emma - my heart goes out to you, having suffered miscarriage myself - please don't be hard on yourself. From your earlier posts it would seem you carried on as normal so far as you could and were under a great deal of strain at work on top of the miscarriage.

You know that your hormones are still in a whirl and it is understandable that you feel somewhat distant from your niece just now. I am sure you will find that things get back to some sort of normality given time - can you get to see a counsellor ? get help from your surgery ? or something ? Don't be afraid to admit how you feel to medical staff - I tried too hard to be brave and it did me no end of harm until I asked for help.

Your OH must be feeling sad too - try to turn to each other please just now. It may seem that everything is against you but things do move on and you will feel more positive - perhaps as the Winter goes away a feeling of hope will come back.

It may be hard to believe now but life won't always seem so bleak.

I can only send you hugs my dear, be kind to yourself in the meantime.
 
Emma, I can't begin to imagine what you have been going through, and still are. I've had the work situation many times in the past, and I'm also one of those that things can hurt deeply when they may only be unfeeling, off the cuff remarks. I also have never experienced such behaviour as you have at a time when you are feeling so fragile.

As no doubt you've read a lot on here lately, you can't please everyone all the time. Take some time to be a little selfish and try not to please everyone else at the expense of your own feelings. Let people spoil you, or avoid them as you please, and try not to feel guilty that you are not able to give all you would like for now. I'm sure those who know you will understand and give you the space, or the comfort, you need.

Take care my dear. {{{Emma}}}
 
Faith has said it all really Em. You need time to greive properly. Going through all the stages without the outside stuff getting into your head.

I can't suggest any more than Faith already has but sympathy and hugs can go a long long way. Work is trivial compared to the real things in life and you need to get those sorted first before telling the 2 eejits where to stick their opinions.

Take care of you and yours and your turn will come soon.

Rob
 
i had a miscarriage 10years ago and still angry at the time seeing anybody pregnant or with young babies make me feel so down then when i fall pregnant again my partner said i was going a bit mental but you dont realise so dont worry your time will come i am the one that the said i would never have children unless tryingIVF now i have my lovely graham and 20 weeks pregnant at 41 years old so dont worry you have lots of time but keep trying
 
Emma, I can't imagine How you must be feeling. Give yourself the space you need to come to terms with what happened. A few years ago I was so jealous of all of my friends being pregnant that I did not talk to one of them for a few months. Can you speak to your GP about counselling, or is there a support group for people who have had miscarriages?

Easier said than done but try not to take comments made at a work Christmas lunch to heart, people say lots of stupid thongs after a few lunchtime drinks.

Big hugs


Rx
 
Make sure that you factor in lots of 'Emma time' over Christmas (and beyond). In this case I don't think anyone would blame you.

Take care (and ignore the idiot work 'colleagues'),

Andy
 
Just remember what goes around comes around, those ignorant people will get their comeuppance!

Lots of hugs, hope you and your partner have a good xmas xx
 
Emma always remember we are here for you,, sometimes being on this forum helps so much as it takes us away from real life for just a few moments, you are among genuine mates in here and thats always going to be the case..You really need to gather your thoughts and have a good cry if thats whats needed, to many of us try and be the strong one not letting anything get to us and then one day it all just blurts out, be however you need to be at the moment only you know you better then anyone in this world, the loss you suffered is immense and wil take a while to get over, you have to grieve and get yourself strong again hun xx

You know my door is always open well my PM inbox anyways..... big hugs and a huge geordie peck on the cheek :D
 
Ahhh Emma reading this brought tears to my eyes, my heart goes out to you and your partner. I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling right now. I can only repeat what others have said and give yourself time to grieve, take time out for you and your partner and do what you feel is best for you. Thinking of you and sending lots of love at this difficult time xxx
 
Sorry to hear this Emma, it sounds like you've had a very difficult time lately. Stuff the people at work, you know how hard you have been working and under what stress, and they probably have no idea what you have been through.... so just rise above it all and ignore them.

Just have a few days of looking after yourself, doing whatever you like to do to give you some time to think. I like to do things like going for long walks, swimming, long showers and playing my flute to be alone with my thoughts, maybe you have some things like that which you can do. I think there's a lot of pressure at Christmas to socialise and join in everything, but maybe this year you need a quieter Christmas, or some time with just the two of you.

Hope you feel better soon and your cold goes quickly,

xxx
 
Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. Hope you have some time to rest, recover and begin to feel yourself again over the Christmas break. Try to put the idiot work colleagues out of your mind, they may not have known how upsetting their comments were, or if they do it's just petty work bullying by people who are intimidated by your ability/popularity or whatever. Not worth you paying them any attention, and certainly not worth dwelling on.

Hope tou feel better soon.
Mike
 
Sorry to hear you are feeling so down. It's not surprising though and you do need some time to grieve. Your time will come, mine did eventually. In the mean time pamper yourself lots and try to make yourself as healthy as possible. These dark nights don't help at all but now the days will gradually get longer.
 
Hi Em,

It is not easy to get over a miscarriage, I know from personal experience, and it is different for everyone - so dont be rushed into 'healing' your sadness - take all the time you need and grieve. It is perfectly acceptable for you to feel this way so dont feel you have to explain yourself on here. As for the people at work - treat them with the contempt they deserve and ignore it. If it really is getting to you and causing you upset - then go to HR about it. I hope you have a very peaceful Christmas and take time to be kind to yourself.🙂Bev
 
People can be incredibly insensitive and probably don't realise the effect their words can have. It's difficult to ignore silly comments but when they impact on your health that's exactly what you have to do. I had a miscarriage years ago, and the most sympathetic comment I got was "oh well, it was only in the early stages". Three months didn't feel like the early stages to me and it took a long time to come to terms with what is a very real loss. Rely on those who care, there are lots of them, and you'll come through this.

bigpurpleduck said:
When I said I was okay earlier.

As you all know, I suffered a very early miscarriage a couple of months ago. At the time I was stupidly busy at work and quite unable to think about it very much. Then on Friday I finally had my last day of work, which coincided with a Christmas lunch at which I was insulted by two colleagues. I've felt down since, and I now suspect it was a trigger to the beginning of all the stress catching up with me.

I think I'm coming down with a cold - sore throat & head, and BG creeping up. I'm exhausted - didn't get up until after 10 today and didn't shower 'til after 12. Then wrapped 4 Christmas presents, and that was it.

I'm feeling quite down on myself. I'm beating myself up about stupid little things. The comments made on Friday are still bothering me - it makes me feel like I'm useless at my job. Since the miscarriage, I've found it very difficult to be around my niece, who just turned 1. My OH tells me this is reflected in my behaviour when I'm around her - apparently I'm distant with her now. I hate myself for being like this - it's not her fault. But seeing her breaks my heart. I want children so badly and, although now is not the right time for us, it kills me that I won't be having a baby. I feel like I should be spending this Christmas excited about a pregnancy and looking forward to having a son or daughter this time next year.

I don't really know what I'm asking you guys for. I think I just needed to let someone know that I'm struggling. I'm trying really hard to be cheery and excited about Christmas, but I actually just want to lay in bed all day and do nothing.
Click to expand...
 
Morning Emma, I am sure you realise, reading the posts on this thread, that there's lots of love coming your way from true friends - most of whom you have never met.

Still sending hugs this morning - take care of yourself,
 
Oh Emma. A miscarriage is such a big thing and it's important for you to grieve properly. I had a miscarriage four years ago and even though I've had two beautiful babies since I still think about the baby that I lost.

What helped me was to have something that marked the memory of the baby. Some people suggested a tree or a rose bush to me but I was worried that both these things would need looking after (I don't have green fingers) and if I got one and it died I would be upset all over again. So, at our house we have a picture. It's a picture of the coloured balls rolling down a street that was used in the Sony advert and I don't know why, but that image and the music that went with it really makes me think of the baby that I lost. When I look at the picture now it makes me smile and think of the baby.

It's important to have something to focus on, a memory. You need to take time out for yourself and grieve for your loss.

The pain that you're feeling will be there for a long time to come but will get easier I promise and one day I'm sure you'll have the baby that you're longing for. xxx
 
I think its quite common to appear to be coping when everything is really busy - the adrenaline keeps you moving along. Then when you have a bit of space it all comes tumbling out - as you have time to think.

Just be kind to yourself, and remember that often when people are nasty to you its because they are jealous (not always the case but often it is) or feel threatened by you (maybe they subconsciously think you are better than them). I hope you and your OH are able to enjoy some quality time together over Christmas.
 
Thank you for sharing how you feel with us. I hope you feel better.

Sometimes when we are feeling down, small comments we would normally ignore can seem huge.

When I wanted a baby, I wanted one more than anything else and everyone else seemed to be getting them with no problems. I had my baby eventually, he is now 24!
 
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