How to support my partner with Diabetes

Status
Not open for further replies.
K

Kez

New Member
Hi There,

I have joined this forum to get some support in how I can support my partner with Diabetes. My partner has lived with diabetes ( type 1) for 26 years and inject insulin 3 times a day. We have been together for 10 months and I am really struggling to support her which is frustrating my partner.
i.e.
I say the wrong things all the time...
I get really frustrated and feel useless when she has a hypo because I don't know what I am supposed to do...
I comment on her low calorie intake because I am worried that she is too thin and she wants to lose more weight.
When I make her a meal from scratch she asks me how much of everything I have put in and tell me that my portions are too big ( this always upsets me though I know she is only doing it to work out her carb and calorie intake) - Believe me I am trying but I keep messing up.

I love my partner dearly and I want to do everything I can to show her that I can support her without it turning into an argument all the time.

What advice could you give me so that I can get better in supporting my partner without saying or doing the wrong thing all the time?
 
Hi Kez
Well it takes 2 as they say, so maybe the first step is to tell her how you feel about the situation. She may not know she's putting you under so much pressure. She's lived with carb counting and the like for most of her life and she might just not realise how weird it all is for someone who isn't used to it at all. I'd guess her parents managed it for her when young and then she took over so she's always had people around who just know, of course they didn't just know they had to learn but she may not realise that 🙂

Some practical tips, I'd lay off the calorie intake for a while, that's a touch paper issue with most women diabetes or not so maybe leave that one until you've got some of the other issues covered. Carb wise I'd ask her what her general carb limit is per meal (mine is around 50g for example on a normal day), then try putting some meals together based on that. There's two reasons for doing that, one to show her you are trying and two because you'll start to understand how it all works a bit more. In the same way you have to acknowledge she has restrictions, she also has to acknowledge you don't have those restrictions, there has to be a bit of give and take.

Hypo wise, the best strategy in my experience is to make sure there's sugar available and then back off. Lots of folk try to talk to us when we're hypo and I can only just manage to coordinate jelly baby action so don't expect much back from her. I know it's deeply scary to watch but in the majority of cases it will be absolutely fine with some sugar within about 15 minutes. We can be grumpy when hypo and for a while afterwards, we can't really help that (it's a bit like being drunk you sort of just lose the thread a bit) but that should pass quickly too. In the event a hypo doesn't resolve itself with sugar or she's not responsive ring an ambulance. Hypos are all about sugar, you can't do anything to fix it or make it better beyond making sure she has access to sugar (preferably her hypo treatment of choice whatever that is). I know your instinct will be to protect and fix it so you can feel helpless, but I promise just having someone there to provide sugar is priceless!

Another important thing to understand is we have to live with this and cope on our own 24 hours a day, so we get quite protective of it. I know that sounds weird but it becomes totally normal for us, this is our normal. So sometimes we're not great at letting people in and allowing them to "interfere" with our management. It's possible she feels a bit overwhelmed by having someone else be affected by it, but you'll only find that out by asking. I have this irrational anger for example when people make me feel different, so if I'm in a restaurant with friends and they're dithering about whether to eat now or have coffee first, and I just need to eat because my blood sugar is dipping I get quite angry with them for a moment. Then I remember that they don't have to worry about blood sugar and jabs and carb counts and the time between injections and that's their normal, deciding what they want on the menu is about what they fancy not how many units it has and if a hypo is likely and if that will happen on the train on the way home. Sometimes I just need reminding that my relationship with food isn't the same as theirs 🙂. That's possibly easier for me though because I was diagnosed as an adult so I still remember what that's like.

I hope you get it sorted out, and for what it's worth the fact that you're here asking is a lovely thing to do 🙂
 
Hi Kez, Welcome. I'd just like to echo everything that Kooky Cat has said, especially the last part.
I'd also like to add that sometimes after a hypo, we can feels bit rough for a while, on here it's known as a hypo hangover and I know I can be grumpy then.
 
Hello Kez

Great that you are wanting to help your partner more.

You might find some useful pointers on this 'diabetes etiquette' card from the Behavioural Diabetes Institute:
http://cdn.everydayupsanddowns.co.uk/downloads/etiquetteonepage.pdf

I'm curious when you say that your partner injects 3x a day. That is quite unusual. Do you know which insulins they use? Usually a multiple daily injection (MDI) regimen would be 4x a day - one long acting insulin and a short acting injectino with each meal.

I wonder if your parter might be using some rather older and less flexible insulins which might make her more worried about weight?
 
Hi. I also wondered about the 3x a day insulin when for the Basal/Bolus regime it would be 4 or 5. Does she have two insulins which is normal for T1? This could be quite important in minimising hypos. You and your partner need to forget calories as irrelevant and just focus on carbs. If she is carb-counting which she should be if on Basal/Bolus then you just need to know the carbs for each meal and adjust the Bolus accordingly. I'm T1 and my wife shouts out the carbs to me shortly before each meal. If your partner doesn't have excess weight then she can be fairly free with the carbs as long as the insulin is matched at each meal. To help her maintain weight then she should have plenty of protein, fat, veg, fruit and so on. I'm assuming your partner is not deliberately trying to keep the weight too far down; if so that is a different problem to be tackled. Also your partner should be having regular reviews at the surgery/hospital when all these things can be discussed.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top