Help!

[Nickibb]

I’m not sure if I’m in the right group here or not but I do t know where to get help and advice... my husband is 46 diagnosed in January this year type 2 . Together 25 year married 17 years. about a year ago my husband began to change , moody, impatient, snappy, loss of energy and erectile distinction ... I also have noticed he forgets conversations we have had .. he is taking glucophage 6 tablets a day.
Can someone tell me if all these symptoms are normal for diabetes condition because I am really really struggling emotionally to deal with the changes, I feel selfish but he won’t talk to me.

 

[Inka]

Welcome @Nickibb 🙂 That sounds very difficult for you, especially if your husband won’t talk about things.

Do you know what his ‘number’ was when he was diagnosed with diabetes? Does he test his own blood sugar at home? Grumpiness, moodiness and tiredness can all be signs of high blood sugar. Erectile dysfunction is connected with diabetes too (and other conditions as well).

The forgetting conversations sounds worrying but that might be stress - that is, he’s worried about his own concerns so not really listening to you.

Is he due a check-up soon? I think he needs to ensure his diabetes is under control, then have some general checks like blood pressure.

 

[rebrascora]

Hi and welcome

I am so sorry to hear that you and your relationship are suffering as a result of your husband's condition, but those symptoms are certainly associated with uncontrolled diabetes. Do you know what his HbA1c reading was at diagnosis? This is the blood test result used to diagnose diabetes and is usually a number of 48 or over but can get into 3 digits if things are badly out of control. 6 Glucophage a day seems like an awful lot and my guess would be that his HbA1c was high.

What is his diet like and does he do much exercise? Does he have any weight to lose? Are these areas where you could help, encourage or join him. Diet wise, reducing the amount of carbs he eats (not just sugar) is important as all carbs are broken down into glucose by the digestive system.... so bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, pies, breakfast cereals as well as the obvious cakes, biscuits and sweets and plain sugar of course. Exercise wise a brisk daily walk is ideal if he is able. It doesn't have to be anything overly strenuous or exertive. Weight loss usually follows on from the above lifestyle changes.

Diabetes is a condition where medication alone is generally not going to cut it and making lifestyle changes can be significantly more powerful in improving not only the condition but quality of life in general, because if you eat well and exercise regularly and lose weight you really do feel better. Many of us feel that our diabetes diagnosis was the kick up the pants we needed to lose some weight and improve our diet and lifestyle and that has improved other aspects of our lives.

One of the most helpful things many people find is investing in Blood Glucose meter so that you can see the foods which cause you problems and find a portion size that your body can manage or ditch it from your diet altogether. Being able to see the effects that certain foods have on your BG levels really helps to motivate you to improve your diet and a basic meter is approx. £15 but you need an ample supply of test strips for it and that is where the costs can mount up so it is important to choose a meter which has the cheapest test strips which are not universal but individual to each make of meter. For economy of use and reliability the most frequently recommended meters here on the forum are the Gluco Navii or the Spirit Healthcare Tee2.

Anyway, hope some of the above information is helpful to you and if you want to know more about anything just ask.

 

[Nickibb]

Welcome @Nickibb 🙂 That sounds very difficult for you, especially if your husband won’t talk about things.

Do you know what his ‘number’ was when he was diagnosed with diabetes? Does he test his own blood sugar at home? Grumpiness, moodiness and tiredness can all be signs of high blood sugar. Erectile dysfunction is connected with diabetes too (and other conditions as well).

The forgetting conversations sounds worrying but that might be stress - that is, he’s worried about his own concerns so not really listening to you.

Is he due a check-up soon? I think he needs to ensure his diabetes is under control, then have some general checks like blood pressure.

I have been trying to see if there is a pattern and I think it’s when he is hungry he is at his worst . I can’t recall his levels but he is due a check up. I can say something to him and he bites my head off , he has always been so loving caring patient and full of get up and go but he is a shell of himself . He is overweight too so dosnt like the change in his diet. I love him so much but I’m crying everyday and he dosnt seem to care I’m so worried for my marriage I want to help but he won’t talk . All he says is “ I have diabetes and that’s that” . I know he is embarrassed that we have very little sex life but that’s not my main concern, it’s him going round with this chip on his shoulder snappy at the children for no reason answering questions with irritation . I’m walking on egg shells and surely it shouldn’t be like this . Also his dad passed away at age 62 he had diabetes too. When I told him I’m keeping a diary of foods and when he is irritated he told me “I’m not a child I don’t need a school report” ...,. I just want to help him.

 

[Nickibb]

Hi and welcome

I am so sorry to hear that you and your relationship are suffering as a result of your husband's condition, but those symptoms are certainly associated with uncontrolled diabetes. Do you know what his HbA1c reading was at diagnosis? This is the blood test result used to diagnose diabetes and is usually a number of 48 or over but can get into 3 digits if things are badly out of control. 6 Glucophage a day seems like an awful lot and my guess would be that his HbA1c was high.

What is his diet like and does he do much exercise? Does he have any weight to lose? Are these areas where you could help, encourage or join him. Diet wise, reducing the amount of carbs he eats (not just sugar) is important as all carbs are broken down into glucose by the digestive system.... so bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, pies, breakfast cereals as well as the obvious cakes, biscuits and sweets and plain sugar of course. Exercise wise a brisk daily walk is ideal if he is able. It doesn't have to be anything overly strenuous or exertive. Weight loss usually follows on from the above lifestyle changes.

Diabetes is a condition where medication alone is generally not going to cut it and making lifestyle changes can be significantly more powerful in improving not only the condition but quality of life in general, because if you eat well and exercise regularly and lose weight you really do feel better. Many of us feel that our diabetes diagnosis was the kick up the pants we needed to lose some weight and improve our diet and lifestyle and that has improved other aspects of our lives.

One of the most helpful things many people find is investing in Blood Glucose meter so that you can see the foods which cause you problems and find a portion size that your body can manage or ditch it from your diet altogether. Being able to see the effects that certain foods have on your BG levels really helps to motivate you to improve your diet and a basic meter is approx. £15 but you need an ample supply of test strips for it and that is where the costs can mount up so it is important to choose a meter which has the cheapest test strips which are not universal but individual to each make of meter. For economy of use and reliability the most frequently recommended meters here on the forum are the Gluco Navii or the Spirit Healthcare Tee2.

Anyway, hope some of the above information is helpful to you and if you want to know more about anything just ask.

Thank you so much I will order it now.

 

[Inka]

The fact his dad had diabetes and passed away at a relatively young age could be part of it. I wonder if he’s depressed? Depression sometimes shows itself as anger in men. But, having said that, if you’re so upset and walking on eggshells so much, that’s not right at all.

I’d try to pick a good time to talk to him, but if he won’t talk, you could try writing down your main concerns in a neutral non-accusatory way.

Does he have any close friends who could talk to him?

 

[Nickibb]

The fact his dad had diabetes and passed away at a relatively young age could be part of it. I wonder if he’s depressed? Depression sometimes shows itself as anger in men. But, having said that, if you’re so upset and walking on eggshells so much, that’s not right at all.

I’d try to pick a good time to talk to him, but if he won’t talk, you could try writing down your main concerns in a neutral non-accusatory way.

Does he have any close friends who could talk to him?

A few have tried but he just says he is fine. I told him my elder children have commented about it but he says “of course they have” I think I will write it down in a positive way and get him back to the doctor , I was thinking depression as he is not sleeping very well either, I will also change the diet of the whole family so he isn’t feeling he is different to the rest of us and I have ordered the glucose monitor so will see how he goes but thank you so much for taking time to reply. This morning I was thinking my marriage was in trouble but I feel more positive now thank you

 

[Ditto]

Def the type 2 as I have all those symptoms except for the obvious one. Good luck, you sound very proactive and I think your husband is in good hands.

 

[rebrascora]

If you are getting a meter, you need follow a strategy of testing which involves testing before a meal and then 2 hours afterwards to see the effect that meal had on his levels. You are looking to keep the rise in that 2 hour period below 3 whole units. So if he started off at 12.6 before the meal, you want it to be no more than 15.6 2hours later. Those readings are given as an example as I suspect his readings may be pretty high most of the time for him to be exhibiting the symptoms he is. Ideally you would be looking for his readings to be in the 4-7 range before food and less than 8.5 afterwards, but if his levels are high it will take some time to bring them down into the normal range so just concentrate on the difference between the 2 numbers initially.

Can you instigate some family activity after your evening meal. A daily walk or cycle ride perhaps.

Meals wise maybe tackle one meal at a time. Breakfast can have the biggest impact on BG levels of any meal as it is often quite high carb with toast or breakfast cereals. An omelette or bacon and eggs and mushrooms are pretty much carb free. I have salad with my omelette and a big dollop of coleslaw or my bacon and eggs on a bed of savoy cabbage cooked with a knob of butter or tossed in the bacon fat because cabbage and bacon taste so good together. Or for a light breakfast, Full fat Greek natural yoghurt with a few berries (berries are the lowest carb fruits and packed full of nutrients) and some chopped nuts or mixed seeds.

 

[Nickibb]

If you are getting a meter, you need follow a strategy of testing which involves testing before a meal and then 2 hours afterwards to see the effect that meal had on his levels. You are looking to keep the rise in that 2 hour period below 3 whole units. So if he started off at 12.6 before the meal, you want it to be no more than 15.6 2hours later. Those readings are given as an example as I suspect his readings may be pretty high most of the time for him to be exhibiting the symptoms he is. Ideally you would be looking for his readings to be in the 4-7 range before food and less than 8.5 afterwards, but if his levels are high it will take some time to bring them down into the normal range so just concentrate on the difference between the 2 numbers initially.

Can you instigate some family activity after your evening meal. A daily walk or cycle ride perhaps.

Meals wise maybe tackle one meal at a time. Breakfast can have the biggest impact on BG levels of any meal as it is often quite high carb with toast or breakfast cereals. An omelette or bacon and eggs and mushrooms are pretty much carb free. I have salad with my omelette and a big dollop of coleslaw or my bacon and eggs on a bed of savoy cabbage cooked with a knob of butter or tossed in the bacon fat because cabbage and bacon taste so good together. Or for a light breakfast, Full fat Greek natural yoghurt with a few berries (berries are the lowest carb fruits and packed full of nutrients) and some chopped nuts or mixed seeds.

I can’t thank you enough I will start writing a new food shop list and monitor should be here Wednesday thank you so much for your support x

 

[Nickibb]

Def the type 2 as I have all those symptoms except for the obvious one. Good luck, you sound very proactive and I think your husband is in good hands

 

[Nickibb]

Thank you , do you get easily frustrated ( you don’t have to answer) sorry to be personal.

 

[Nickibb]

If you are getting a meter, you need follow a strategy of testing which involves testing before a meal and then 2 hours afterwards to see the effect that meal had on his levels. You are looking to keep the rise in that 2 hour period below 3 whole units. So if he started off at 12.6 before the meal, you want it to be no more than 15.6 2hours later. Those readings are given as an example as I suspect his readings may be pretty high most of the time for him to be exhibiting the symptoms he is. Ideally you would be looking for his readings to be in the 4-7 range before food and less than 8.5 afterwards, but if his levels are high it will take some time to bring them down into the normal range so just concentrate on the difference between the 2 numbers initially.

Can you instigate some family activity after your evening meal. A daily walk or cycle ride perhaps.

Meals wise maybe tackle one meal at a time. Breakfast can have the biggest impact on BG levels of any meal as it is often quite high carb with toast or breakfast cereals. An omelette or bacon and eggs and mushrooms are pretty much carb free. I have salad with my omelette and a big dollop of coleslaw or my bacon and eggs on a bed of savoy cabbage cooked with a knob of butter or tossed in the bacon fat because cabbage and bacon taste so good together. Or for a light breakfast, Full fat Greek natural yoghurt with a few berries (berries are the lowest carb fruits and packed full of nutrients) and some chopped nuts or mixed seeds.

He needs to lose weight so is it still ok to behave the bacon and egg?

 

[rebrascora]

Many of us find that cutting right down on carbs and doing more exercise means that we lose weight even eating more fat.... and fat is important because it takes longer to digest and therefore provides slow release energy and helps to keep you feeling full....In fact the low fat advice we have been following for the past 50+ years is now not only believed to be derived from flawed research but may in part be responsible for the obesity and diabetes epidemic we are now seeing because we eat more carbs due to cutting back on the fat. Carbs release their glucose within 2 hours which causes our blood glucose levels to rise quite sharply and then start to drop. That drop makes us feel hungry and we want to snack between meals to keep our glucose levels high... because we progressively get used to those higher levels we start to crave carbs to keep us topped up. Protein and fat only really start to release glucose after 2 hours and for many hours afterwards so you don't get the spike and drop in BG levels and the resultant cravings.

I am conscious that it is also important to get your husband onside with dietary changes and most men will see some gain in being offered bacon and eggs for breakfast or even a steak and egg and mushrooms. You do need to keep the high carb elements like bread/toast hash browns, baked beans etc to a minimum though to lose weight if you increase fat and protein..... maybe just half a slice of toast with it, ideally a seeded/wholemeal or sourdough bread or you can buy special low carb bread, but it still needs to be restricted.
Eggs in all their forms are great for us diabetics so do make the most of those. High meat content sausages (90% meat or more is ideal) also feature regularly on my shopping list... cheap sausages contain rusk which is carbs. There is a recipe for cauliflower cheese which works really well with the sausages.... Parboil cauliflower. Place in ovenproof dish and cover with cream cheese (I mix in a teaspoon of wholegrain mustard and some cream or creme fraiche to make it a bit softer and easier to spread) and then top with grated cheese of your choice and brown off in the oven. Cauliflower can also be mashed to replace mashed potato as a lower carb alternative (again a dollop of cream cheese and some mustard works well mashed in) or it can be grated to replace rice or couscous). The mashed cauli works well to top a shepherds/cottage/fish pie liberally sprinkled with cheese of course.

Hope that is giving you some basic ideas. It is quite difficult to get your head around initially but after a while you start to see all sorts of new possibilities for tasty food without the bland white/beige carbs and perhaps a good lesson for your children since Type 2 has a diabetes has a genetic element so learning to eat lower carb now could stave off potential problems for them later in life.
Start with just changing one meal a day and trying to fit in a little exercise which is most effective after eating rather than just sitting vegetating in front of the TV afterwards. It takes a bit of effort but once it becomes a habit it is easier and you start to feel better for it and certainly no reason why the whole family can't eat similar food and do the activity too. Aim for small sustainable changes. Might just be a 10 min walk round the block and maybe make a game of it with clues for a treasure hunt with the kids to keep it fun.... Maybe try to spot 10 things beginning with the letter R or a particular flower or weed or insect etc.

Anyway, wishing you lots of luck and sending virtual (((hugs))) as I know the task will be daunting and it sounds like you will possibly meet with some resistance from your husband, so make it as easy as possible for him to accept change by making them reasonably attractive and enjoyable. The situation will not fix in a day or a week or even a month but 3 months down the line you should hopefully be seeing some improvement in his outlook and with the BG testing to help you modify his diet and portion size, you should be seeing significant improvement there.

Keep coming back to us for more ideas or to ask for support and to get advice when your BG meter arrives.

 

[Nickibb]

Many of us find that cutting right down on carbs and doing more exercise means that we lose weight even eating more fat.... and fat is important because it takes longer to digest and therefore provides slow release energy and helps to keep you feeling full....In fact the low fat advice we have been following for the past 50+ years is now not only believed to be derived from flawed research but may in part be responsible for the obesity and diabetes epidemic we are now seeing because we eat more carbs due to cutting back on the fat. Carbs release their glucose within 2 hours which causes our blood glucose levels to rise quite sharply and then start to drop. That drop makes us feel hungry and we want to snack between meals to keep our glucose levels high... because we progressively get used to those higher levels we start to crave carbs to keep us topped up. Protein and fat only really start to release glucose after 2 hours and for many hours afterwards so you don't get the spike and drop in BG levels and the resultant cravings.

I am conscious that it is also important to get your husband onside with dietary changes and most men will see some gain in being offered bacon and eggs for breakfast or even a steak and egg and mushrooms. You do need to keep the high carb elements like bread/toast hash browns, baked beans etc to a minimum though to lose weight if you increase fat and protein..... maybe just half a slice of toast with it, ideally a seeded/wholemeal or sourdough bread or you can buy special low carb bread, but it still needs to be restricted.
Eggs in all their forms are great for us diabetics so do make the most of those. High meat content sausages (90% meat or more is ideal) also feature regularly on my shopping list... cheap sausages contain rusk which is carbs. There is a recipe for cauliflower cheese which works really well with the sausages.... Parboil cauliflower. Place in ovenproof dish and cover with cream cheese (I mix in a teaspoon of wholegrain mustard and some cream or creme fraiche to make it a bit softer and easier to spread) and then top with grated cheese of your choice and brown off in the oven. Cauliflower can also be mashed to replace mashed potato as a lower carb alternative (again a dollop of cream cheese and some mustard works well mashed in) or it can be grated to replace rice or couscous). The mashed cauli works well to top a shepherds/cottage/fish pie liberally sprinkled with cheese of course.

Hope that is giving you some basic ideas. It is quite difficult to get your head around initially but after a while you start to see all sorts of new possibilities for tasty food without the bland white/beige carbs and perhaps a good lesson for your children since Type 2 has a diabetes has a genetic element so learning to eat lower carb now could stave off potential problems for them later in life.
Start with just changing one meal a day and trying to fit in a little exercise which is most effective after eating rather than just sitting vegetating in front of the TV afterwards. It takes a bit of effort but once it becomes a habit it is easier and you start to feel better for it and certainly no reason why the whole family can't eat similar food and do the activity too. Aim for small sustainable changes. Might just be a 10 min walk round the block and maybe make a game of it with clues for a treasure hunt with the kids to keep it fun.... Maybe try to spot 10 things beginning with the letter R or a particular flower or weed or insect etc.

Anyway, wishing you lots of luck and sending virtual (((hugs))) as I know the task will be daunting and it sounds like you will possibly meet with some resistance from your husband, so make it as easy as possible for him to accept change by making them reasonably attractive and enjoyable. The situation will not fix in a day or a week or even a month but 3 months down the line you should hopefully be seeing some improvement in his outlook and with the BG testing to help you modify his diet and portion size, you should be seeing significant improvement there.

Keep coming back to us for more ideas or to ask for support and to get advice when your BG meter arrives.

Thank you so much it’s all a bit daunting buy I have to do this not only for my sanity but for my husbands health I’m sure I will be back soon thanks again for your replies it’s helped a lot . Sending hugs back x

 

[BlueArmy]

He needs to lose weight so is it still ok to behave the bacon and egg?

Thank you , do you get easily frustrated ( you don’t have to answer) sorry to be personal.

Nicki,

I’m roughly the same age as your fella and have had all those symptoms bar dysfunction. My wife and I have been together as long as you two have and I am sure I put her through hell for 2 years being a ratty nobhead all the time and boiling over for the smallest reasons pre diagnosis. It for sure put a strain on our relationship too especially when I was writing off weekends sleeping all the time. Its great that your so supportive/understanding probably more tolerant than my wife. But he himself is going to have to recognise its a thing and help you help him as well.

 

[Nickibb]

Nicki,

I’m roughly the same age as your fella and have had all those symptoms bar dysfunction. My wife and I have been together as long as you two have and I am sure I put her through hell for 2 years being a ratty nobhead all the time and boiling over for the smallest reasons pre diagnosis. It for sure put a strain on our relationship too especially when I was writing off weekends sleeping all the time. Its great that your so supportive/understanding probably more tolerant than my wife. But he himself is going to have to recognise its a thing and help you help him as well.

I too need to lose weight so maybe if I eat the same things as he will now need to eat it maybe easier but he is good one week then the following week drinking come and eating so much bread cakes sweets crisps and when I look at him in a “no no “ way he gets moody . The following week he will eat slimming world meals lose a few pounds . I’m worried about saying something anymore because he is so moody some days I don’t know what to say ! I have ordered a diabetes recipe book he enjoys cooking so I’m hoping he will appreciate it and not take it personally. I guess by the end of the week when the monitor comes and we have the book we will find out. I’m hoping we can work through this together as I know he is worse around meal times.
thank you so much for your input it’s nice to hear it from a mans perspective.
Thanks again
Nicki

 

[Inka]

Maybe phrase it as something you’re doing together to be healthier or lose weight not because of his diabetes?

 

[BlueArmy]

how about “everytime you eat a sweet or drink beer (switch to red wine!), its another token gone from your keep me out of a wheelchair budget”. Works for me, fear of losing my legs is enough. Forget slimming world too in my opinion - he needs a low carb diet with a good calorie balance and if your hungry all the time forget it

 

[Leadinglights]

how about “everytime you eat a sweet or drink beer (switch to red wine!), its another token gone from your keep me out of a wheelchair budget”. Works for me, fear of losing my legs is enough. Forget slimming world too in my opinion - he needs a low carb diet with a good calorie balance and if your hungry all the time forget it

Yes I have just heard that a friend who I though had well controlled diabetes can now hardly walk because of pain in his legs, sobering thought.