I take my Insulin everyday...same amount, same time...But, I stopped testing my Blood Sugars a long time ago now...Can't remember when I last tested actually?...The health professions have given up on me so, well, why should'nt I?...Afterall, they know best, they know I have complicated health issues that make my Diabetes difficult to manage, so whats the point in testing, I know my Blood sugars will be high anyway!!
My mobility has become more difficult, my muscles consistantly contract and go into spasm...I can't even dress myself in the mornings without help from my partner to put my underwear on!!!...how great is that!!...I can barely walk at all now, the pain in my back, legs is so painful....and, well, to top it all, my Son Danni, he is having his third Crohns flare in just 8 months!!!
I have lost faith in life and certainly in the health care system....if it wasn't for my son Danni, well, I would be glad not to be here...I can not see my life improving...believ me, it's not just the poain that gets you down, it's how it makes you feel inside, it's the dignity and independence it strips you of.
The worst is, I am finding it difficult not to feel bitter now, I see my son, my beautiful, gentle scared son, who has never hurt anyone in his life, so so afraid of life and people...and so heartbreakingly lonely at just 19...if there is a God, well...he ain't here that's for sure!!!
Ellowyne x