Guilt regret and shame

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a-aminamorbid said:
Hello thank you for reaching out and sharing your experiences and advice. I've had a few assessments but at the moment my mum doesn't want other carer's. Which I understand because she suffers from anxiety and depression. But maybe one day she may be ok. I don't even know if having carer's would be helpful. Because there's alot I have to do and I highly doubt they would do it. Thank you for this. I will keep this in mind. I know eventually I will need help. It's a scary thought. I hope your situation is well .
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If you're mum
applies for attendance allowance which is a monetary allowance you can apply for carers allowance which would help you pay for maybe a cleaner etc to help you
Carol
 
Docb said:
I think you might have misinterpreted my suggestion, the carers support I was referring to was not carer support for your mother, but support for you as a carer. You are entitled to it and your county council is obliged to provide it. As I say, the standard of support is variable but at its best, it will provide help from people, often fellow carers, who understand what caring is all about.
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I do apologise for misunderstanding your comment and thank you for clarifying it. Yes you're right I always forgot to get support for myself. I think I need more help . Thank you for your kindness and advice. I will contact my social worker. Thank you
 
Leadinglights said:
I think sometimes people forget that as a carer they also need to take care of themselves and be prepared to ask for help so they can continue to be the 'carer' to somebody else.
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Yes you are right I've been doing this for 10 years and I've never asked for help for myself. I completely forgot or didn't think I deserved it.
 
chaoticcar said:
If you're mum
applies for attendance allowance which is a monetary allowance you can apply for carers allowance which would help you pay for maybe a cleaner etc to help you
Carol
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Thank you for responding and your advice. My currently gets ESA and PIP . I also have carer's allowance. Maybe I'm irresponsible with money.
 
a-aminamorbid said:
Maybe I'm irresponsible with money.
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Unlikely. You are more likely to be so bound up in caring that you have little time to think of anything else. I'm glad you are getting the financial help you deserve and hope you manage to get more help for the less practical but probably more important stuff, such as your well being x
 
a-aminamorbid said:
Thank you for responding and your advice. My currently gets ESA and PIP . I also have carer's allowance. Maybe I'm irresponsible with money.
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I wonder if you have a carer's centre in your area?
I have been a carer for many years and it was only very recently I realised these existed. They are very useful places and are usually associated with https://www.carersuk.org/ where you can look to find your local branch.

They have regular meetings where you can go and learn fun skills and talk to other carers and get advice and general advice geared to helping carers like you.

I am sure you are not irresponsible with money - just as you did the best you could with your mum with the information you had at the time and the capability you had at the time. We can always look back and say we could have done better but we can also look back and equally say we could have done worse. You didn't do worse so that is something to maybe think about? I hope you can find a path through the guilt and sadness - you deserve to feel more settled in yourself and I wish you the very best.
 
Vonny said:
Unlikely. You are more likely to be so bound up in caring that you have little time to think of anything else. I'm glad you are getting the financial help you deserve and hope you manage to get more help for the less practical but probably more important stuff, such as your well being x
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Thank you for your kindness and help. I apologize for the delay. I appreciate your help. Thank you for being so understanding and positive.
 
NotWorriedAtAll said:
I wonder if you have a carer's centre in your area?
I have been a carer for many years and it was only very recently I realised these existed. They are very useful places and are usually associated with https://www.carersuk.org/ where you can look to find your local branch.

They have regular meetings where you can go and learn fun skills and talk to other carers and get advice and general advice geared to helping carers like you.

I am sure you are not irresponsible with money - just as you did the best you could with your mum with the information you had at the time and the capability you had at the time. We can always look back and say we could have done better but we can also look back and equally say we could have done worse. You didn't do worse so that is something to maybe think about? I hope you can find a path through the guilt and sadness - you deserve to feel more settled in yourself and I wish you the very best.
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I never even thought about this. The advice and information on here has been brilliant. I'm going to check it out. Thank you. I hope you are ok being a carer ? It's tough and does take its toll emotionally, mentally and especially physically . I'm not sure I can overcome the guilt and sadness but I will try. Thank you for your generosity. And I hope you are well? Thank you and sorry for the delay in replying.
 
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