Frustrated partner

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Wheelybin

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My partner has had diabetes for several years currently taking 4 metformin but is suffering leg cramps and fatigue, his blood sugars are very high on his blood tests. Doctors wants to give him a other tablet alongside metformin to bring levels down. He refuses to check his glucose levels daily. I am in despair as it seems the side effects of tablets are making him worse.
 
Welcome @Wheelybin 🙂 Is the other tablet Gliclazide? If so, that could help his sugars. Has he also adjusted his diet to reduce carbs?

Re the leg cramps and fatigue, Metformin can cause vitamin B12 deficiency - has he had some general checks? Magnesium gel is good for leg cramps (rub it in at night to prevent them) but the cramps could be due to dehydration if his blood sugar is high. It would also be wise to rule out other issues. Has he had his legs and feet checked recently?

If he doesn’t check his blood sugar, he’s handing control to the diabetes. If he does test, he can keep it under control better - and feel better in himself.
 
Thank you for replying. He has had a full blood panel. He had to see doctor cos his bloods showed he was anaemic. But apparently that's normal now, but his kidney function is low, he hasn't had this new tablet yet,as printer was down at doctors but doctor told him side effects are stomach cramps. I bought a glucose monitor myself as I am pre diabetic, but he just refuses to use it. I am at the stage now, where I am just letting him get on with it, but he sleeps as soon as he sits in chair. What will happen if his blood sugars don't come down. They are 75 on his blood tests.
 
Wheelybin said:
Thank you for replying. He has had a full blood panel. He had to see doctor cos his bloods showed he was anaemic. But apparently that's normal now, but his kidney function is low, he hasn't had this new tablet yet,as printer was down at doctors but doctor told him side effects are stomach cramps. I bought a glucose monitor myself as I am pre diabetic, but he just refuses to use it. I am at the stage now, where I am just letting him get on with it, but he sleeps as soon as he sits in chair. What will happen if his blood sugars don't come down. They are 75 on his blood tests.
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You haven’t told us about his diet. Does he follow a low carbohydrate diet - reducing high carb foods such as bread, pasta, and potatoes?

The tablets won’t work without a change in diet, and it’s not the side effects of tablets you are seeing - it’s the effect of uncontrolled diabetes. You ask what will happen if his blood sugars don’t come down. Well, you are already seeing one- early kidney failure. He might well get vision problems, there are many other problems that will arise from persistent high blood glucose, including an unnecessary early death.

That is the worst that can happen, but only he can prevent that by a change of diet. If you read what other diabetics are eating on the food and recipes forum on this site, you can get an idea of what is required. Or ask your doctor for a referral to a dietitian.
 
No sorry I forgot to mention diet. But no he doesn't follow any diet, will not give up bread, biscuits. It's almost like he is in denial, which I don't understand as his father died at 58 with a diabetes related stroke. He's 55 now, and I am fighting hard to get him to see sense, but difficult as I don't want to be a nag. I just really worried. Won't eat veg. Diet consists of chips, sandwiches (doorstep bread) occasionally will have jacket potato. Very high carb. I suppose he's the only one that can help himself. I feel like just walking away from it all,as I hate to see all the changes in him.
 
I don’t think you’d be nagging @Wheelybin If you think it would be easier, you could write things down. Sometimes people are less defensive about written concerns and can’t deflect by arguing or ignoring.

Perhaps he thinks it’s all inevitable because of his father, but it’s not. He doesn’t have to follow the same path - he has choices. He can still eat nice food when following a low carb diet. He can even have some very low carb treats.

I’d ask him how he’d feel if it was the other way around, with you being unwell yet ignoring advice. How would he feel about that?
 
I do wonder if he's depressed about it all and does think he's going to die anyway, so why worry, but this last few weeks I can see how unwell he is. If I try to talk to him he just shuts down. Thank you for your help though, I can see more clearly a few options to try and tackle this so he can get his spark back.
 
Wheelybin said:
My partner has had diabetes for several years currently taking 4 metformin but is suffering leg cramps and fatigue, his blood sugars are very high on his blood tests. Doctors wants to give him a other tablet alongside metformin to bring levels down. He refuses to check his glucose levels daily. I am in despair as it seems the side effects of tablets are making him worse.
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Hi,

Would it be possible for you to take control of the cooking? You can decide what he eats then.

For me, I've always felt grateful that diabetes is a manageable condition....some things in life we have no control over.
 
Wheelybin said:
I do wonder if he's depressed about it all and does think he's going to die anyway, so why worry, but this last few weeks I can see how unwell he is. If I try to talk to him he just shuts down. Thank you for your help though, I can see more clearly a few options to try and tackle this so he can get his spark back.
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I think dying early of a stoke or heart attack is probably the least worry with uncontrolled diabetes at least in my view anyway. It is all the other complications which make life incredibly painful and challenging and leave you dependent upon others, which impacts not only the person concerned but their nearest and dearest. In some respects it is selfish not to manage it, because failing to do so, puts a strain on those around you.... as you are already starting to feel by the sound of it as you are worried .... and he hasn't developed any obvious complications yet. It is unfortunately too late once complications set in as they are often not reversible and it is a question of damage limitation only.
The most frightening thing for me would be loss of independence, but particularly loss of sight, meaning I couldn't drive.

I too wonder if you could change the "household" menu to benefit both of you, if you are at risk of developing diabetes, by cooking filling, nutritious, low carb meals. We can give you ideas for meals which he might still be happy with or maybe even not notice the difference.
 
At his age I ignored my diabetes. Now, 20 years later, I have serious peripheral neuropathy and can barely walk. I have diabetic retinopathy with at least 6 laser treatments in both eyes. I thought I was invincible too....but I wasn't.
 
You’re not being a nag at all, you’re being a caring partner who only has their other half’s best interests at heart but, like any addiction (and addiction to food is very real), you can only go so far with your support. Ultimately it’s down to the person in question to want to make positive changes for the better.

My diabetes diagnosis has been a positive turning point for me but I appreciate it isn’t like that for everyone.

As you have already discovered, medication will only go so far. Ultimately it’s diet and weight that play the biggest part in bringing T2 under control. There are so many complications that come with out of control blood glucose but denial in some people is very strong. I guess it’s the same as a smoker with vascular issues who continues to smoke!

Keep coming on here for support. It’s a fab place for you to offload your own worries and concerns. All you can do is be there for your partner and keep hoping they will eventually take back control of their health. Take care xx
 
I was very lucky in that my other half got on board with my chosen low carb approach and although he does have some extras as he is not diabetic, we have the same meals. Whether you could say you are making changes as you are at risk of becoming diabetic and don't want to suffer the consequences of unmanaged high blood glucose as mentioned above.
I found that following the principals in the link where there are meal plans to suit various tastes and budgets but with real food. https://lowcarbfreshwell.com/
It may be the thought of not having some of the things he eats, however by substituting lower carb foods and having plenty of protein and healthy fats there are still plenty of tasty meals, bacon and egg for breakfast, curry, chilli, steak, meats and fish. People have preconceptions about vegetables as they remember the overcooked mush from childhood but being inventive about cooking them or eat raw can open up lots of options./
 
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Thank you all for your very helpful and kind replies. The issue is he won't eat anything I cook unless it's chips. He won't touch stews, salads, I have tried healthy cooked breakfasts, won't eat any type of veg, occasionally he will have peas. All these I will cook for myself, but I think maybe I should research recipes with more things that he will eat. I have asked him how he would feel if his grandson had to push him in a wheelchair at some point. I was told I am emotionally blackmailing him. So i am about to give up.
 
That sounds like the response of someone who knows he’s in the wrong @Wheelybin Caring about someone isn’t emotional blackmail and neither is pointing out the facts. It also sounds like he’s trying to upset and guilt you so that you stop saying things he doesn’t want to hear.

You’re doing nothing wrong. I notice you said he was your partner not your husband? I’m not sure about your living arrangements, but if you feel you need to walk away for your own sake, then do it. It’s not like you haven’t tried. You can lead a horse to water….
 
There are some recipes here:

Recipe finder - Enjoy Food | Diabetes UK

www.diabetes.org.uk www.diabetes.org.uk

But if your partner is determined to not cooperate and to reject your support, then no doubt he’ll identify them as new and so reject them as you trying to ‘trick’ him into healthy eating.
 
You may have to take small steps and cook suitable things for yourself and he may well then see that those food are not too bad.
Does he eat cheese, eggs, as they make a good breakfast.
Sometimes what people thing as healthy are not necessarily so if diabetic and it does need a new w/ay of thinking.
 
Thank you, he's been to doctors today, and came home and put his headphones on, so I presume so I don't discuss what doctor said, but I will see how things go and explore all suggestions from you and all the lovely people on here. I feel like I have a load off my mind, that I am doing the right things, sort of.. It has been so distressing, I think knowing what the future could bring for him, if he doesn't sort himself out.
 
It sounds like you are being very supportive and concerned so it must be hard to be met with a brick wall.
Only he can make the choice to change lifestyle to bring it under control, whether that's with drugs or just by diet.

I used the recipes by a chef called Giancarlo Caldesi who is also T2. They are varied and generally very nice and made from fresh ingredients - with his wife Katie he has written a few books and they all have long prefaces by a GP called David Unwin who has had some success with his diabetic patients.

I had really bad legs cramps due to high blood sugar, and it was awful, making me lose sleep and feel very down. As soon as I changed my diet it all went away with a couple of weeks.

My Dad died at 60 from a stoke and had uncontrolled blood sugar and was also very overweight.

I developed T2D at 51 and was also overweight, but I was determined not to go the same way as my Dad and managed to get it under control and lost a lot of weight very quickly.
 
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