'Friends' and Extreme Anger

[Ruthie]

Hi All,

Recently a few things have happend that have really,, really made me angry and it would be useful to know if these types of things have happpend to others.

I'm a rambler but I'll try and keep it brief! When M was diagnosed his dad, my partner, was working abroad and was unable to come home for 8 weeks after the diagnosis. M had all the classic signs but I, my GP neighbour and the health visitor all put them down to separation anxiety. In short, he was admitted with a very bad case of DKA. We spent 8 1/2 days in hospital and I was stunned by the appaling response of my partner's family and friends. Fast forward 7 months and we are about to go on holiday with his best friend and his wife, both medical professionals who rang me once in the whole 8 week period. They are being really difficult with regards to anything diabetes related. Example, asked what we needed, I said somewhere with parking (just in case), they booked somewhere where the nearest parking in 10 mins away because 'they' liked it.

My questions are 1) Have other parents experienced anger issues post diagnosis? and 2) Have other parents experienced disappointing reactions from 'friends' and family?

Thanks!

 

[Bluebaldybob]

We did get some disappointing reactions from friends and family (ie. no one now wants to babysit our wee one in case she takes a "turn". Sleepovers with friends ended as no one wants the responsibility of looking after her "just in case". It just seems that as soon as the dreaded words "type 1" come out, everyone disappears faster than my wallet when the kids want pocket money.
How much of it is me just being silly and reading things that just aren't there? I don't know. I'm hoping that as time goes on, our family and friends will adapt and come to terms with it. Goodness knows we had to, and we still find it hard.
As for Anger? in short, yes.
Why her? what did we do wrong? etc. All normal feelings we have been told. Sorry if I have been rambling myself, but I believe I do know how you feel.
Don't let it spoil your holiday.... Get out there and have a fab time

 

[Hanmillmum]

Hi,

It must have been really tough dealing with all that while your OH was away

Here is my rant - lol - you asked for it!!

I used to get seriously irked with folks comments of "will she grow out of it?", " she wasn't BIG/FAT was she?", or " if you get a good fasting BG she will be fine for the rest of the day", (that was my *medically* trained manager - argggh!, shot her down in flames, ha), some would point me in the direction of some programme they had seen advising I could reverse the condition with diet 😡

Some friends have half heartedly offered to mind her for the odd hour or so but don't put their money where their mouth is and offer to be trained up, I therefore would not leave her with someone who wouldn't have the foggiest if she was hypo and what to do. It undermines it completely.

We come and go to meet ups to fit around Millie not others - tough, they have to get used to it, we have! It's a reality that lacks any spontaneity, we need to be well planned/prepared.

I do have an incredibly reliable/supportive friend but she lives miles away. I can phone her and moan and go and stay and she will take on Millie for a couple of precious hours.

We have been to centre parcs this year sharing a lodge with other friends and it wasn't til after the stay they actually said they hadn't realised just how much effort was involved in managing things, it was a real eye opener for them, how stressful it must be - they felt it was not something they would do well with their child, well they would as they would have to! (again another irksome comment)

I go through phases of being irritated by others, but it doesn't quite get to me like it used to. Never used to bother OH, he would excuse their ignorance, but he has felt it more recently.

So yes I get angry but less so than I did, and yes have been disappointed in friends, colleagues and some family. I went through a phase where I felt I didn't want to bother with them as it was (a) too much effort and (b) I was predicting some upsetting comment, so I felt their was nothing positive to gain from it (rather sad).

Your friends will gain some good insight into the condition on the holiday - that's for sure, it might be an opportune time to show them exactly what you do and turn things around with them etc Just because they have some medical background doesn't mean they know everything or know what your experience is like, so educate them! It will be good I'm sure but be confident stand your ground on any issues you are not happy with - YOU KNOW BEST.

Let us know how it all goes x

 

[Fettuciniuse]

Interesting reading this thread. My son was diagnosed in March this year, he has just turned 10, and whilst we had a flurry of support in the beginning, this has obviously worn off now, and I found myself screaming at my brother in a rage when he came back from Mc Donalds with a full-on coke/lemonade choice for my son. He yelled that he didn't know what he could have whilst I yelled back 'he obviously can't have bloody sugar!!' And my Mum keeps offering fruit and biscuits as an alternative treat....sigh.... Still, she has now started to write the carb values on things before she throws the packets away, bless her. 😉

On the whole though, I don't 'get angry' with people over it, but I get infuriated that I seem to have to explain the same principles over and over to the same people. It isn't a difficult concept is it? Anything containing carbohydrates needs to be considered - surely ANYONE with half a nonce about nutrition would understand that carbs are in bloody everything???? One of his friend's mother's keeps asking about him going for a sleepover, and I keep having to say no and explaining he (in these early stages anyhow) needs an injection at bedtime and should be at a certain sugar level, and if not, he'll need to eat something... blah blah blah and so on. Nice of her to ask, but she is pretty flaky about how diabetes works.

I don't know if it is a good thing, despite the fact it irritates me, people seem to forget he even HAS diabetes........

I will be interested to see my parents reaction to how we live with constant finger-pricking, hypos, injections and adding up bloody carbs when we holiday with them abroad next year......

 

[Ruthie]

Thank you all for your replies. I'm glad I'm not alone in this but it's sad isn't it!

I think it's a bit of post-traumatic stress really because I have been fairly relaxed until recently and suddenly I want to rage at them all. My poor old partner has got most of it!

Funnily enough I was having a discussion with one of my friends about how he'd been running high for a while and we didn't know why and she said how she often forgot that he was ill because he looks like a normal, happy little boy. I decided that long term that was 'a good thing' that he appears normal.

I think this holiday is make or break with these particular people but golly, how we need a holiday!

Thanks again, and I'll de-brief on our return!

x

 

[Northerner]

Hope the holiday goes well, and that the light bulb comes on for the irksome ones! 🙂