feel so down today

[sue63]

I am feeling so down and despairing today

It's 2 weeks since my son was diagnosed with diabetes and I feel so down and depressed about it. I am ashamed of myself as he is coping well and i am making the whole family worried and sad.

I can't believe that 1 phone call fron him to tell me he had blurry vision .. has turned our lives upside down and i feel guilty as I have read there may be a genetic link. Also read there may be a viral link and I am wondering if he wasn't in a certain place would he have not caught the virus.

Dwelling on all the negatives and worrying myself silly.

Sorry as everyone has been really positive...perhaps that will come in time

 

[Northerner]

Hi Sue, it's perfectly natural to feel this way. But you must remember that you have done absolutely nothing wrong. Unless you consciously set out to have a child knowing that there was a high chance of him developing some illness or abnormality, then how could you have known? No-one knows what causes Type 1 in particular, so unless the world stops having children then there will always be new cases of it. I have no family history at all of diabetes, yet I developed it aged 49. Some people develop it as babies. There really is no way, nor anything you could possibly have done, to avoid this. So please don't think it is your fault in any way.

It can be very overwhelming at first, and it will take time, so give yourself time to come to terms with it. And you can come here any time to let yourt feelings out 🙂

 

[Heidi]

Hi Sue,

Please don't beat yourself up over this - firstly there is nothing you could have done to change this and secondly the way you're feeling is entirely normal right now. My son Ross was diagnosed about nine weeks ago and I have good days and bad days - from what I hear from other parents these will last for a long time.

We all want our children to be perfectly healthy and when that doesn't happen there are a mixture of feelings - guilt that we did something wrong, fear for their future, loss for what might have been and an overwhelming sadness and anger that they have to suffer this. Give yourself time to grieve, if you can be kind to yourself - if you need to sit and cry then do!

I bumped into an old friend last weekend in a cafe in town, she asked how we all were and I ended up blubbing all over her!

Here you'll only find sympathy and support - so keep coming!

*Virtual hugs*

Heidi

 

[Adrienne]

Hi Sue

Poor you. We do understand you know, us mums. If it makes you feel any better you are behaving exactly the same as the rest of us and I know that we do all still get upset. I'm 10 years down the line and still get upset. You are only 2 weeks into it.

I don't know if you saw the thread on the main board last week. A young lady was in the car with her mum and said it was her 4 year anniversary last January and she was ok and happy and diabetes was part of her and she was soooooo shocked when her mum turned and said she tried to block it out and she still cried etc etc.

It is generally the children that are ok and the parents that are not. There is always something that we think we could have done or not done and there isn't.

Type 1 diabetes may be genetic but mostly it just happens. If your son had fallen out of a tree that is a trauma which could have triggered it off. If he had chicken pox or a normal cold, either one of those could have triggered it off. There is nothing you or anyone could do to prevent it.

You will be going through so many emotions in the coming months and years even but once again the old saying 'time is a healer' can be applied here. It is not that it is a healer but rather you get used to it which is hard for you to imagine right now. What lots of parents find is that they are in some sort of mourning for their healthy child and that has now been removed and a child, whatever age, now faces a life that you didn't plan or they didn't plan.

It is healthy what you are feeling and how you are acting so no more guilty feelings here, just grieve until you are on to the next stage. Be strong for your son and lean on your husband or partner or even a friend or your parents for you to be able to cope, let your son lean on you if he needs to.

You are going to have bad days and good days and soon the good days will outweigh the bad ones. At the moment you are living in a bubble which revolves around diabetes and your son. You will emerge and you will be ok. It may just take lots of time.

Take care and come on here and moan and worry and let out your feelings, we get it, we understand.

PS Don't forget to look after yourself as well, you need to be well for your son. 🙂

 

[sue63]

Thank you all so much. It's been a terrible day today my emotions have been all over the place. You have reassured me that that is normal so thank you.

I suppose I have as a mum tried to protect my son all his life and now I can't.

Thank you for pointing me to the other thread about the girl talking about her mothers feelings as this has really helped me. I have just rang my son and he is happily watching a film with his wonderful girlfriend who is such a support to him and me!

I think it is grief....and that is hard to deal with just 2 weeks on

Thank you for listening

 

[Cat]

Hi Sue

Just to say, I know exactly how you are feeling right now. My son was diagnosed just over a year ago and i remember the first couple of weeks clearly.

I was on the verge of tears for at least a week ( and cried many tears when he was in bed at night ) I really felt as though my brain was scrambled, EVERYTHING seemed to revolve around diabetes and i couldn`t begin to imagine how life would ever return to normal.

I felt panicky and alone and more than anything, i just needed someone who`d been there to say to me, "it`s going to be ok". Unfortunately, i hadn`t discovered this or any other support forum at that stage ...... but, i can say to you that it will be ok, life will begin to feel normal again and you will all adapt.

Go easy on yourself, you`ve had a huge shock.

Cat x

 

[CarolK]

Hi Sue,
My son is 21 and still lives at home, but has been diaganosed for 7 years, and I still have all those feelings you described, its just that it gets easier to deal with them . I still have all the concerns for my sons future and what it might hold for him, but fortunately they dont seem to worry at that age about it. There is no magic answer, other than take each day as it comes, and it is reassuring when you read other peoples stories on places like this, that they have lived long and healthy lives with diabetes. I have days where I can be so positive, and yet also days where I am so down. Thats hard for me because before diabetes, I could cope with anything and if there was a problem for my kids I would fix it, and I am so helpless with this. We can only do our best and continue to support and help them in anyway. At least now you know you can share your fears with people who truly understand.

 

[sue63]

Thank you all so much I really appreciate your support so much...it's been invaluable.

My husband has been my rock really...I have been sleeping badly and panicking in the night but he is kind enough to wake up and listen to me.

Shock is the word, I feel I have suffered a major trauma and thank you for reassuring me that I am not weak or silly but normal! xx

 

[Tezzz]

There is nothing wrong with worrying, especially as you have been thrown in the deep end. Please don't beat yourself up.

I was 10 when my father went on to insulin, and I used to have to keep an eye on him.

Now I'm T2, and I had the same feelings as you when I was diagnosed. Now I understand things it's getting easier.

In a while you will get some confidence.

Take care, and virtual hugs from me.