Feel like a fraud.

[brisr949]

I guess im feeling a little low and when i read around the site you all seem to be so spot on the ball with how you manage your diabetes.
Im so the opposite and never follow a set routine, never have i tested when i first wake, rarely inject for food etc. I do test and inject but its usually when i wonder into the kitchen for a coffee and will just give myself corrections rather than a routine...i think sometimes i put it down to how much i hate how tablets control my day so much for so long, so maybe are refusing to let this control it too even though i know deep down i can change and be good but living alone and being virtually disabled, i have a condition called avascular necrosis and had total hip replacements at 34 ( hence a lot of my tablet intake) plus my appetite is rubbish and i just graze coupled with a terrible sleep pattern as i just sleep in cat naps. Being in lockdown has made me a lot better as before some days i would only test to drive.
This might sound strange as im pretty new here but i feel like im letting the site and the side down.
Sorry for the long post but just wanted to get this off my chest.

 

[Inka]

You’re not letting the side down or this site 🙂 This site is here to support people🙂
For me, I associate my bolus injections with eating, so they’re just a part of my pre-meal routine. The reason why I test and inject (apart from the obvious risk of complications) is because it makes my day easier. I hate having high sugars and I don’t want to have a hypo, so I keep testing so I can do my best to feel normal. The diabetes doesn’t control me by me doing testing, etc. The testing and insulin helps me to control it. That’s how I look at it.

The problem with your hips sounds horrible. It’s understandable why that and other things have affected your diabetes control/routine.

I think it’s easy to get out of sync with things eg a sleep routine. Then it all becomes a vicious circle really. You can break the circle though, and you’ve said that deep down you know you can control things, so that’s positive.

And again - you’re not letting us down. Really 🙂

 

[Toucan]

Hello @brisr949
Thank you so much for sharing your situation with us,
Living with Diabetes is a challenge for all of us, and most of us have our really difficult times that are so hard to get through, As well as dealing with this you are dealing with other difficult challenges as well. So try not to be so hard on yourself and give yourself a hug🙂

 

[Pumper_Sue]

I guess im feeling a little low and when i read around the site you all seem to be so spot on the ball with how you manage your diabetes.
Im so the opposite and never follow a set routine, never have i tested when i first wake, rarely inject for food etc. I do test and inject but its usually when i wonder into the kitchen for a coffee and will just give myself corrections rather than a routine...i think sometimes i put it down to how much i hate how tablets control my day so much for so long, so maybe are refusing to let this control it too even though i know deep down i can change and be good but living alone and being virtually disabled, i have a condition called avascular necrosis and had total hip replacements at 34 ( hence a lot of my tablet intake) plus my appetite is rubbish and i just graze coupled with a terrible sleep pattern as i just sleep in cat naps. Being in lockdown has made me a lot better as before some days i would only test to drive.
This might sound strange as im pretty new here but i feel like im letting the site and the side down.
Sorry for the long post but just wanted to get this off my chest.

Hello, wow you have a lot to cope with don't you? It's no wonder you feel so down at times.
I can assure you no one has perfect control of their diabetes and no one on this forum is perfect.

We all struggle in different ways, so you are not alone (((((((((hugs)))))))))).
Some practical advice for you which will hopefully help with your sleep thus making you feel better over all.
Make sure you do take your insulin this does in fact give you control and your diabetes isn't controlling you.
If you can, do some basal testing so you can see if your basal is correct for you. Overnight numbers do play a great part in sleep quality.

Do you have a mobile with an alarm or a watch that can be set to alarm for meal times so you test inject and eat?
Set yourself a goal each week and be proud of all your achievements.
It's just a suggestion if you haven't done so already, have you spoken to your GP or clinic about how your diabetes is making you feel? Sitting down and talking to someone (professional) who can help you work out how to cope and give you some strategies. Your GP or clinic can refer you to the right people once this pandemic is under control.

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

Sorry to hear you sounding so down @brisr949

It certainly sounds like you have a lot to cope with, and it sounds like you have a less than idea relationship to your diabetes - like it’s almost one thing too many?

But you deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be as well as you can be, and to live as full and satisfying a life as you are able to - and I suspect that better managed diabetes would be a part of that, and would also significantly reduce the risks of long-term complications further down the line.

We all struggle at times, and sometimes doing ’just enough’ is all any of us can manage - but that’s not a good long term plan... and diabetes can be fickle and cruel. I think you would benefit from some additional psychological support with your diabetes - perhaps by phone or video call. It would be worth asking about that I think.

In the meantime we are all here for you. Each of us is muddling through in our own ways, and there are days when all of us just can’t face it... but the important thing is to keep on keeping on - at least the basics - at times like that. And to reach out here for support and encouragement through the tough times. (((Hugs)))

 

[TotallyAverage]

You aren't letting anyone down @brisr949, we all deal with diabetes in our own way. I know it sucks how much time it takes to manage and how there is no time off from it, so I totally understand just wanting to not acknowledge it, but the reality is that in order to feel better about it you must make sure you look after yourself.

I felt exactly how you did when I joined the site, seeing everyone posting their perfect blood sugars and low carb meals when my sugars were all over the place and I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. I felt like a total failure for having diabetes for so long but still being so lost with it. You have to remember that just like social media, people will often post their successes but not their failures and this can look from the outside like everyone has their s**t together when really, we all struggle at times.

You're very brave for reaching out, I hope we can all help you somehow 🙂

 

[trophywench]

Mate - I'm pretty sure I'm not lying by saying - we ALL feel like doing what you say you do, or in fact actually doing the same - sometimes! It's unwise though really, cos sooner or later there's only one single person in the world that's going to suffer from that lack of attention - and that person is you.

If you aren't a naturally 'bloody minded/selfish' person, then as far as diabetes treatment is concerned, we just have to nurture those traits a bit and do whatever's necessary day to day for us each to live our lives as comfortably as we can. Each one of us is different how we deal and handle it.

 

[brisr949]

Thanks for all the kind replies and a lot of good advice, if only you knew how much its meant to me. I love the idea of setting goals so i can improve over a few weeks rather than try to do it overnight and fail..i feel so much better for this and its time to change a few habits and as said, let me control it rather than it controlling me..you guys are amazing and im so happy i found this site.
Adam.

 

[Pumper_Sue]

Thanks for all the kind replies and a lot of good advice, if only you knew how much its meant to me. I love the idea of setting goals so i can improve over a few weeks rather than try to do it overnight and fail..i feel so much better for this and its time to change a few habits and as said, let me control it rather than it controlling me..you guys are amazing and im so happy i found this site.
Adam.

Hello again Adam 🙂
The saying Rome wasn't built in a day is the best way of describing the constant battle with diabetes.

So one step at a time and it's victory. 🙂 No one ever achieves perfect control, there's always something that puts a spanner in the works, so always remember tomorrow is another day, you can't turn the clock back so no point in dwelling on what happened yesterday.

If it helps make yourself a journal and post your many achievements on the forum. There are loads of people willing and able to help you on the forum and offer you all the encouragement you need/want.
Stay safe.

 

[Flower]

Hi @brisr949

I'm sorry to hear what you're coping with, very glad you're on the forum 🙂

I lurked for ages reading what others were doing and it felt light years away from the mess I was in. I tried some of the ideas others were using and set myself small goals. It started to work and slowly but surely I moved from being ashamed of my control and annoyed with myself into being proud of my achievements. The effort I put in paid back with more stable results and me feeling better in myself.

Just a small routine like testing in the morning to know where you are to start the day then building the blocks up from there helps. I found keeping written records of results (even if they weren't what I wanted to see) helped me and seeing improvements spurred me on. No one managing diabetes is a fraud, it's flipping hard work. I'm not spot on the ball, some days I can't even find the ball- not for want of trying but just because diabetes has so many variables to juggle.

Let us know how things go for you. Best wishes 🙂

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

I'm not spot on the ball, some days I can't even find the ball- not for want of trying but just because diabetes has so many variables to juggle.

Absolutely right @Flower! Couldn’t agree more!

 

[trophywench]

Adam - think of your diabetes as one of your friends! it is, after all's said and done, the most constant of our companions and exclusively ours. As a certain fact, as long as we treat this initially unwanted pal right, it repays the compliment. As we've all also been told - if we don't it'll have no option sometimes other than to be very spiteful indeed - and who on earth would ever want a ruddy grumpy constant companion if they can avoid it?

So don't! LOL Cos you can avoid that.

 

[SB2015]

I guess im feeling a little low and when i read around the site you all seem to be so spot on the ball with how you manage your diabetes.
Im so the opposite and never follow a set routine, never have i tested when i first wake, rarely inject for food etc. I do test and inject but its usually when i wonder into the kitchen for a coffee and will just give myself corrections rather than a routine...i think sometimes i put it down to how much i hate how tablets control my day so much for so long, so maybe are refusing to let this control it too even though i know deep down i can change and be good but living alone and being virtually disabled, i have a condition called avascular necrosis and had total hip replacements at 34 ( hence a lot of my tablet intake) plus my appetite is rubbish and i just graze coupled with a terrible sleep pattern as i just sleep in cat naps. Being in lockdown has made me a lot better as before some days i would only test to drive.
This might sound strange as im pretty new here but i feel like im letting the site and the side down.
Sorry for the long post but just wanted to get this off my chest.

So glad that you have found this forum, and I hope that you will find all the support available on here useful and encouraging.

I am sure that most, if not all, of us have hit times when we just resent all that we have to do.

I like the idea that @trophywench gave me, of the very irritating friend. My diabetes ‘friend’ is called Deirdre. She is at times an absolute pest and just won’t go away. She upsets me at times and is always hanging around. Most of the time we manage to get on with each other, but she does make her presence felt at times.

Starting with just one bit, such as morning tests would be a good step. Then build from there. Keeping records can also help as you can look back at your progress, however small, and celebrate it. We will clap, cheer and generally go bonkers with you at each small step. Just keep coming back and asking for help, of just to have a rant, because sometimes we need to do that too.

 

[rebrascora]

If it is any consolation I am having a significantly less than good day today with my diet and diabetes. Had 2 hypos yesterday and have just wanted to eat and eat and eat ever since. Have tried hard to eat mostly low carb foods but have eventually succumbed to some things that I would not normally eat. I have now hit the G&T and surprisingly starting to feel like I am getting a grip of it, but tomorrow is a new day and I will do better then. It is acceptable to have days when you struggle but important to start the next day with a clean slate and a will to improve.
Let tomorrow be the day when we both do better.

 

[brisr949]

Those eat the fridge hypos are a strange one, you just cant get it in fast enough..i remember one where i had an apple in each hand just ripping into both at the same time lol.
Having a pretty good day today, tested and injected at proper times..thats my first big goal, to get that as a normal routine and not a chore.

 

[rebrascora]

Those eat the fridge hypos are a strange one, you just cant get it in fast enough..i remember one where i had an apple in each hand just ripping into both at the same time lol.
Having a pretty good day today, tested and injected at proper times..thats my first big goal, to get that as a normal routine and not a chore.

Well done. Setting yourself achievable goals is really important.
Actually I am surprisingly disciplined about treating hypos with the absolute minimum treatment needed and these were no different in that respect. It was later in the afternoon (probably a couple of hours after the second one when I started to crave and I wonder if my body decided that having had carbs twice that day it would have a strop for more. I didn't give in as such, but had two proper meals in short succession to try to cope with it and that extra food knocked my routine and threw my BG out of whack this morning and I have just been battling it ever since.

Will plan to have a nice big low carb breakfast tomorrow of an omelette with salad and coleslaw and hopefully that will get me back on track.

 

[mikeyB]

Looking at your medication @brisr949, I would guess that with the pain relief and the Creon (a familiar combination on the pancreatis forum) that that is another problem that troubles you. The antidepressant suggests that like many, you are struggling with what life has thrown at you.

That makes your efforts at controlling your diabetes as admirable. Keep up the good work, small steps, and take all the positives as a small triumph. Keep reporting those triumphs, and you’ll soon be a winner.

 

[brisr949]

Looking at your medication @brisr949, I would guess that with the pain relief and the Creon (a familiar combination on the pancreatis forum) that that is another problem that troubles you. The antidepressant suggests that like many, you are struggling with what life has thrown at you.

Looking at your medication @brisr949, I would guess that with the pain relief and the Creon (a familiar combination on the pancreatis forum) that that is another problem that troubles you. The antidepressant suggests that like many, you are struggling with what life has thrown at you.

That makes your efforts at controlling your diabetes as admirable. Keep up the good work, small steps, and take all the positives as a small triumph. Keep reporting those triumphs, and you’ll soon be a winner.

That makes your efforts at controlling your diabetes as admirable. Keep up the good work, small steps, and take all the positives as a small triumph. Keep reporting those triumphs, and you’ll soon be a winner.

Thanks Mikey, i joined the pancreatitis forum and have found some support on there too and have found answers and a lot of good info on there.