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Falling apart

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This thread is now closed. Please contact Anna DUK, Ieva DUK or everydayupsanddowns if you would like it re-opened.
Much love Amanda. Chronic health issues are just so draining. The day to day stuff feels so disempowering. A book I really found helpful and revisit often is How to Be Sick by Toni Bernhard. It’s a Buddhist approach to chronic illness intertwined with the author’s own experience. I’m not a Buddhist but I found it helpful in mindfulness and what it means to be in the moment. So much of my experience with chronic illness is dealing with the overwhelming feeling how it is now is how it will always be when actually it’s so up and down. Being able to say, this is how it is FOR NOW, means I can hold lightly the bad days and allow myself to enjoy the good days (or moments).
 
Thank you @Thebearcametoo. I’m glad that the book helped you and I will definitely have a look at it.
 
E010FBC7-893D-494E-A74A-7FD1096D4F66.jpeg 0A698DF0-C6A9-4665-8A29-1CD8F8F064E7.jpeg 484DBCDB-3747-4097-899A-07ADB943C7D1.jpeg 0A698DF0-C6A9-4665-8A29-1CD8F8F064E7.jpeg 484DBCDB-3747-4097-899A-07ADB943C7D1.jpeg Hello everyone, I woke up feeling really down this morning but my mood has improved during the day. Today and yesterday I took deep breaths I went out and back in the back and front doors without Mark’s help which has helped my confidence. With Mark I also went to an independent craft shop that I’d been meaning to go to for a very long while. The owner was absolutely lovely and I’ve booked onto a beginner’s card marking class on Wednesday afternoon which will give me something to look forward to when Mark is at work. I also phoned the well being team yesterday to comment on the lack of contact from my so called supporter and I’ve been told that his supervisor will phone me back. I also made some contribution to dinner tonight by helping to make the hollandaise sauce, so overall I’m feeling a lot better than I did. Thank you to all of you for your help xxx ps I also have two lovely friends birthdays on Thursday - please see attached the painting I did (I’m not very good at painting but it was made with love) and two birthday cards.
 
AJLang said:
Yay me and the orthopaedic boot have managed to walk over 2000 steps today:D Now celebrating in the pub!
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Yay indeed!! Very well done, AJ.
 
Thank you very much Flower and Silentsquirrel.
Oh @Flower I didn’t know that rule, ooops I think it maybe wasn’t water in my wine glass :D
 
OH Amanda lovely pictures, my heart bleeds for you when its beating.🙄 Keep up the positivity like you are with me, feeling a bit c**p myself but people like you and other forum members keep me motivated, take care lovely.🙂
 
KARNAK said:
OH Amanda lovely pictures, my heart bleeds for you when its beating.🙄 Keep up the positivity like you are with me, feeling a bit c**p myself but people like you and other forum members keep me motivated, take care lovely.🙂
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Thank you Ted @KARNAK . I’ve been even more positive today and at the last minute accepted my University place
 

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AJLang said:
Thank you Ted @KARNAK . I’ve been even more positive today and at the last minute accepted my University place
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Excellent news Amanda, and I hope that you still find time to slot in some painting.
Loved the photos.
 
I’m delighted to hear you’ve accepted your place. I hope you manage to get to lectures and feel a bit more human through it all.
 
AJLang said:
I keep trying to put happy posts onto Facebook but in truth I feel so desperately down. I'm fed up with my health problems limiting what I can do and at the moment I can't even get out of the house on my own. I was going to try and cook dinner last night but after five minutes of standing my hip and back were in agony because of my hip arthritis and face jaunt arthropy. My diabetes has a mind of its own. I was meant to start University this weekend and even that dream has gone. I feel like I've got nothing to look forward to even though it's my birthday in a fortnight and I have a wonderful boyfriend and friends. But it feels like I'm losing my independence and I don't know who I am anymore. I'm meant to be doing an online anxiety course - that's the best you can get offered in my town - but the "supporter" who is a paid member of staff. isn't even doing reviews when he's meant to and I can't put anymore pressure on Mark.
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Try not to get too down. I have arthritic knees and getting around can be difficult. I often have to be helped off trains and getting off buses can be difficult. Enjoy yourself at University. I spend too much time doing nothing.
 
Good to hear you feel a bit better and are going to university after all! 🙂
( That is always assuming you are having to go away to study, and not only in the same town... )
 
Great to hear you’ve accepted your place at uni @AJLang. Hope it’s the start of a real turning point for you.
 
Good news AJ, I really hope you enjoy your studies and meet lots of new, interesting people.
 
When an idiot in a car reversed into me, I was rather tottery for a while, so I got a backpack and a pair of Nordic walking poles - it made such a difference to getting around - descending from buses was much easier when I could put one stick down beforehand - I put non slip rubber bits onto the points for extra security and not leaving small holes in hot tarmac.
 
Thank you very much everyone. I nearly wanted to quit yesterday when I was waiting for class. But my lecturer friend who didn’t know what I was thinking came over and gave me a big hug and we had a brief chat. He will be one of my tutors this year. The teaching team for BA English are all very nice so I’m feeling more optimistic now. I also got hugs from two other people later in the day. Now you may wonder why so many hugs. Well this is my home town University where I started my studies 26 years ago. I returned 19 years ago to study for my PhD and was lecturing/writing academic papers in strategic change etc here until I had to take ill-health retirement seven years ago. So English is more than a bit of a different subject! The university is also where I met my partner Mark 18 years ago! So as one of my newer lecturer Friends has said it’s my second home! Just got to make sure I stick to it this time and stupid health doesn’t get in the way! Time to hobble to class now! Xx
 
Thank you Grovesy. It’s thankfully going ok so far 🙂
 
Well I spoke too soon, Just three 2 hour sessions at uni has exarcebated my health problems - particularly menieres, silent migraines and CFS so I've had to withdraw from uni. I was hoping that it was going to be ok this time but Mark was rather worried about how ill I was, particularly the first half of this morning. I know from experience that if I continue at uni and try to push through the health issues they will only get worse. Oh well back to a life of crafting etc. On the plus side my friend absolutely loved her home-made card and painting.
 
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