As many of you will know, my son (18) is having massive problems accepting his diabetes. His HbA1c is currently 12.8 and has been between 11 and 12.8 for over a year now. He was diagnosed just over 2 years ago. He is still failing to test (had 2 days of testing and injecting properly a few weeks ago, but it all came to nothing) and skips his Lantus most nights though is leading the hospital to believe that he only 'forgets it occasionally'.
He is seeing a psychologist, supposedly for an 'intense' course, but that has so far meant only monthly appointments (3 so far) and now the next one is not for 2 months.
On top of all this, his father announced he wanted a divorce last autumn, so that is all going on around my son too. The intention is that my son and I will remain in the family home all being well, but I guess all this uncertainty isn't helping things. His father still lives here at present but shuts himself away in his bedroom.
Anyway, after the background, this is my true concern. Is my son clinically depressed? He doesn't find it easy to talk and invariably if I try and talk about ANYTHING diabetes related he just goes off on one at me. Says I don't know what I am talking about, can't have a clue what it's like to be him etc etc. I do accept that, truly I do. I can only know what it's like from my side, and can only imagine what it's like living with it day to day. From time to time though, his moods are extremely black. He is foul, and I mean foul.
10 days ago we fell out, after I innocently asked him a question. I am an extremely forgiving person, and I don't have a temper, I never argue with people, but my son can hurt me like no-one else on earth! This was over his computer. He loves his computer, regularly buys new compenents, takes it to pieces then rebuilds it. He had problems 24 hours after rebuilding it yet again, so on bringing it downstairs and starting to dismantle it, I innocently asked if he had any idea what was wrong with it. He just flew at me verbally. He told me I was stupid, said of course he didn't know what was wrong with it or he wouldn't be taking it to pieces would he? He said I should learn to think before I open my mouth, etc etc. He then launched into a tirade of hurtful comments. I replied that I was only showing an interest, but got shouted down. I tried once more to talk to him, but his mood was awful and unfortunately things got heated and I said something horrible too, I said that I wasn't so sure I wanted him living with me if he was going to treat me like that (his father had a habit of talking to me like that from time to time so I don't want it all over again thank you!) We then didn't speak for several days (including Mother's Day just to add to my hurt - but hey ho, I do understand that was him hurting me back).
I eventually managed to get him talking again last Monday, apologising for saying what I did, but explained that I was hurt by what he had said and was retaliating. On Tuesday he was back to being my lovely son again. He came and spent some time in my room that evening just being very friendly and nice. We sat and chatted for a couple of hours about nothing in particular, but it was a lovely evening.
Last night though, he was foul again. He just came in foul from college at lunchtime, went to work for 4 hours, was then even more foul when he got home. He was expecting his girlfriend over (first proper relationship - one month old 😱) but he admitted he was feeling horrible. He did open up a little and talk to me. He said he felt in a completely black mood. Said there was nothing specific he could blame it on, but that he does get these moods frequently and feels they are out of his control. There is no trigger that he is aware of, he just wakes feeling compltely awful and it won't go away. I asked him outright how often he feels like this and he said probably once every 10 days or so. Says he cannot lift himself out of it no matter what. With a new relationship he should be really happy at the moment, but he can't control these moods and it scares me this will frighten his girl off. She left much earlier than I thought she would last night, so I do wonder if they fell out. I do hope not. I was banished to my room mid evening, so I have no idea what went on downstairs (no smutty suggestions here thank you!) I know this falling out we had was due to his moods. This girl could be so good for him, and I know he is smitten, admitting she is the first one he 'talks to' (texts) each morning, and last one he speaks to at night, and just about every hour inbetween - sounds like he has the love bug!!
Does this sound like proper depression or not? The fact he has 'good' days inbetween suggests not to me, but I don't see the counselling helping at the moment, and the fact they have started spacing the appointments out already doesn't bode well. I did mention to him last night that maybe he is suffering from depression, and that is totally understandable given his situation. He said the diabetes is on his mind every single waking minute. He says he can't do anything without it dominating it, and that IT stops him doing so much. He wouldn't go into detail about that but one thing he did say yesterday is that he avoids talking to so many people as he knows the talk will come back to his diabetes and he just doesn't want to talk about it. That actually makes him avoid people. I know not to push him too far when he does talk. I tried to say it is understandable that it is at the forefront of his mind all the time, but hopefully there will come a day where he can start to control the diabetes rather than let it dominate him, but he didn't want to talk any more so I knew to back off.
So do I do anything? Do I try and get him to see our GP, offering to go with him and at least open the conversation then leave him to talk? Or do I write to his psycologist at the hospital, or his consultant, or do I just back off and be here to talk as and when he wants to? He does come into my room quite often now mid/late evening and just chats about random trivial stuff, nothing heavy, and I get a lot out of these times we spend together, but these moody days are truly awful, and now getting more frequent. I used to pass it all off as (a) being a normal teenager and (b) having some of his dad's genes and therefore being a volatile person by nature, but now I am wondering if it is more serious than that. He jokes about feeling suicidal sometimes - I have always taken this as a flippant comment - but now I am not so sure. But isn't depression relentless? My lad does have his good days, well at least days he appears to be ok on the outside.
I would just appreciate anyone's comments. Thank you.
Tina
He is seeing a psychologist, supposedly for an 'intense' course, but that has so far meant only monthly appointments (3 so far) and now the next one is not for 2 months.
On top of all this, his father announced he wanted a divorce last autumn, so that is all going on around my son too. The intention is that my son and I will remain in the family home all being well, but I guess all this uncertainty isn't helping things. His father still lives here at present but shuts himself away in his bedroom.
Anyway, after the background, this is my true concern. Is my son clinically depressed? He doesn't find it easy to talk and invariably if I try and talk about ANYTHING diabetes related he just goes off on one at me. Says I don't know what I am talking about, can't have a clue what it's like to be him etc etc. I do accept that, truly I do. I can only know what it's like from my side, and can only imagine what it's like living with it day to day. From time to time though, his moods are extremely black. He is foul, and I mean foul.
10 days ago we fell out, after I innocently asked him a question. I am an extremely forgiving person, and I don't have a temper, I never argue with people, but my son can hurt me like no-one else on earth! This was over his computer. He loves his computer, regularly buys new compenents, takes it to pieces then rebuilds it. He had problems 24 hours after rebuilding it yet again, so on bringing it downstairs and starting to dismantle it, I innocently asked if he had any idea what was wrong with it. He just flew at me verbally. He told me I was stupid, said of course he didn't know what was wrong with it or he wouldn't be taking it to pieces would he? He said I should learn to think before I open my mouth, etc etc. He then launched into a tirade of hurtful comments. I replied that I was only showing an interest, but got shouted down. I tried once more to talk to him, but his mood was awful and unfortunately things got heated and I said something horrible too, I said that I wasn't so sure I wanted him living with me if he was going to treat me like that (his father had a habit of talking to me like that from time to time so I don't want it all over again thank you!) We then didn't speak for several days (including Mother's Day just to add to my hurt - but hey ho, I do understand that was him hurting me back).
I eventually managed to get him talking again last Monday, apologising for saying what I did, but explained that I was hurt by what he had said and was retaliating. On Tuesday he was back to being my lovely son again. He came and spent some time in my room that evening just being very friendly and nice. We sat and chatted for a couple of hours about nothing in particular, but it was a lovely evening.
Last night though, he was foul again. He just came in foul from college at lunchtime, went to work for 4 hours, was then even more foul when he got home. He was expecting his girlfriend over (first proper relationship - one month old 😱) but he admitted he was feeling horrible. He did open up a little and talk to me. He said he felt in a completely black mood. Said there was nothing specific he could blame it on, but that he does get these moods frequently and feels they are out of his control. There is no trigger that he is aware of, he just wakes feeling compltely awful and it won't go away. I asked him outright how often he feels like this and he said probably once every 10 days or so. Says he cannot lift himself out of it no matter what. With a new relationship he should be really happy at the moment, but he can't control these moods and it scares me this will frighten his girl off. She left much earlier than I thought she would last night, so I do wonder if they fell out. I do hope not. I was banished to my room mid evening, so I have no idea what went on downstairs (no smutty suggestions here thank you!) I know this falling out we had was due to his moods. This girl could be so good for him, and I know he is smitten, admitting she is the first one he 'talks to' (texts) each morning, and last one he speaks to at night, and just about every hour inbetween - sounds like he has the love bug!!
Does this sound like proper depression or not? The fact he has 'good' days inbetween suggests not to me, but I don't see the counselling helping at the moment, and the fact they have started spacing the appointments out already doesn't bode well. I did mention to him last night that maybe he is suffering from depression, and that is totally understandable given his situation. He said the diabetes is on his mind every single waking minute. He says he can't do anything without it dominating it, and that IT stops him doing so much. He wouldn't go into detail about that but one thing he did say yesterday is that he avoids talking to so many people as he knows the talk will come back to his diabetes and he just doesn't want to talk about it. That actually makes him avoid people. I know not to push him too far when he does talk. I tried to say it is understandable that it is at the forefront of his mind all the time, but hopefully there will come a day where he can start to control the diabetes rather than let it dominate him, but he didn't want to talk any more so I knew to back off.
So do I do anything? Do I try and get him to see our GP, offering to go with him and at least open the conversation then leave him to talk? Or do I write to his psycologist at the hospital, or his consultant, or do I just back off and be here to talk as and when he wants to? He does come into my room quite often now mid/late evening and just chats about random trivial stuff, nothing heavy, and I get a lot out of these times we spend together, but these moody days are truly awful, and now getting more frequent. I used to pass it all off as (a) being a normal teenager and (b) having some of his dad's genes and therefore being a volatile person by nature, but now I am wondering if it is more serious than that. He jokes about feeling suicidal sometimes - I have always taken this as a flippant comment - but now I am not so sure. But isn't depression relentless? My lad does have his good days, well at least days he appears to be ok on the outside.
I would just appreciate anyone's comments. Thank you.
Tina
My personal experience is that I can trundle along perfectly happy and healthy for weeks, but then I feel the pressure descend and find it extremely difficult to snap myself out of it, usually for a week or so. So, from my point of view I would say yes, it is possible to have these big mood swings without any apparent cause. I would also add that I have experienced this since my late teens so I am very familiar with it.
