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Dating, partners and friends
- Thread starter Shaz88
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- dating partners relationships
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Hi Shaz, ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years and honestly he is so supportive and amazing regarding my diabetes, comes to all my appointments, is always checking ive done my blood sugars and needles and is overall amazing. I guess it depends on what your partner is like, if someone truly loves you then it shouldn't be an issue, they should be supportive and respect your condition in my opinion 🙂
Shaz88
Active Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
Hey,
So pleased you have that in your life, great to have a supportive partner and yes that's how it should be.
Thank you very much! I've never been embarrassed of my diabetes, its part of me, and if somebody who came into my life showed no interest about it, and didn't bother to listen when id explain about it, then I didn't think they were someone I'd want in my life as I wouldn't feel safe and protected if I was to have a hypo or hyper around them and they wouldn't bother to learn how to treat it.
Shaz88
Active Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
I have been reading up about relationships with diabetics, whether male or female, and how successful. Some relationships have ended because one or the other has developed diabetes Also the difficulties finding a partner if you have diabetes.
I have been on my own since having it and I am unsure as to whether I should venture into something that may cause more issues for a potential partner So I remain on my own
I have been on my own since having it and I am unsure as to whether I should venture into something that may cause more issues for a potential partner So I remain on my own
Shaz88
Active Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
I dont live with my diabetes very well at the moment, never have really. And that is very true, it is part of us, we would expect that level of support from a partner, to find it can prove difficult, I am sure I would have dealt with it better if I had been with someone when I got it.
its unfair!! diabetes does not define anybody as an individual, I think it shows just how strong and courageous an individual is. I was diagnosed as a young child, and would often cry to my mum as I was so confused why it was me and not my friends too, my mums reply was that god chose me because I was special and brave and he knew I could handle it, although we aren't religious, it used to help me as a 5 year old.
well you have me and the rest of the members to support you!!! were all in the same boat
Shaz88
Active Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
Thank you I've got a good support network, good to talk to people on here too.
Shaz88
Active Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
It is very unfair. I have lost alot through this disease, friendships social aspects, I've lost alot of me, even certain aspects of my career it is not an easy journey and yes, I am strong, I've managed well so far to keep going. You have to be strong having this.
That's a lovely thing for your mum to say, certainly helped you, you have good support.
AJLang
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
Hi Shaz I’m so sorry that you’re finding your diabetes is affecting your life so much but it doesn’t have to. I’ve been diabetic for 48 years (since I was 2) and I’ve never let it affect my social life - I love going to pubs and when younger nightclubs (and as many on here also know I love my wine), friendships or relationships. I’ve had a very active social life, still have friends from when I was 13 plus a lot of “new” ones along the way - some friendships have faltered but not because of diabetes, and since I was 16 I have only had five months either not in a relationship or without a close male friends - and that close male friend has now been my partner for 16 years. I don’t need help with the diabetes itself but unfortunately other illnesses, mainly unrelated to diabetes have got me in the last few years so I do rely more on Mark now, but certainly not because of the diabetes. Alongside this I came from a working class background to gaining my PhD and becoming an academic. Unfortunately I had to take ill health retirement at 43 but not because of diabetes or a related illness. Why and how do you think it affects your life?
SB2015
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
Hi Shaz, are you able to identify in what way your Diabetes has caused you to lose friends, social life andaspects of your career? Like Amanda I have a busy life and I am unwilling to let my D stop me diong stuff. Having said that it does have a practical impact, such as missing a bus because I had a hypo and couldn’t continue walking, choice of cafe’s for lunch helped by my preference for lower carb options. However that is just part of what I feel I need to do and friends are happy enough to adapt, especially when I have the sense to explain why.
I did hit a patch (well about a year to be honest) of Diabetes Burn Out, when I let it all get me down, stopped asking for help, expected people to be able to mind read, and went into melt down. With support from my OH at home me (who stays very calm and logical), a number of people on here, professionals, and from friends I got through that. Through this I also started to have more realistic expectations of myself. As you recognise it isn’t easy always but it is manageable, and necessary to avoid long term complications.
We have now developed a new ‘normal life’ at home. I can get help when I need it, value the reassurance that I get from OH and he knows the correct answer to ‘would you like to see my Libre graph’ and gives due praise and encouragement. As for ‘practicalities’ Pumpy sometimes makes his presence felt but he just gets moved out of the way.
I hope that helps.
Shaz88
Active Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
Hi, thanks for your reply and the story of you. Sorry you have had to live with diabetes and other illnesses must be a terribly difficult at times for you, pleased you have support though from a partner. Do you feel that because you have had diabetes since a child that there is no sense of loss as you did not experience life without it? Your added illnesses I guess have possibly made life worse but not the diabetes but a contribution?
I was diagnosed in 2016 with Type 2, over the last couple of years it has been clear it was not, I had to start insulin last April as so unwell. They finally did my auto immune test GAD in December! I has only been asking for two years. The normal range is 5, mine is 2000+ So I was told I was Type 1, then a phone call last week said we still can't be sure so more tests done, so I still don't know. I have gone from 16 St to 8st in a year and no medication was working, insulin leaves me with highs and lows, they won't give me libre or a pump until complete diagnosis, I lost my position at work and now fixed based in an office as I had a community job, driving and was suffering from too many hypo and hypers. On a medical driving licence for 3 years, I had a good social life but due to no longer drinking alcohol I kinda got left behind, so two years later I'm down to one or two friends. I had a meltdown late last year, went on sick for a few weeks, I attend counselling. I don't feel sorry for myself, I'm just tired and have lost the point to all this, I have good and bad days.
The reason for the post was I have been on my own since the diabetes, I've read up about whether to venture into a relationship but after thinking about it, I think it will be too difficult, so I got to wondering how others manage, if anyone was out there on their own wondering the same or people who have someone but still struggle. I have no desires or emotions much anymore and find it difficult to feel, and I don't recognise myself, as I'm not who I used to be.
I know what I feel like, so I was curious as to how it feels to have a partner, cause I've never had one since diabetes.
Shaz88
Active Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
Hi, thanks reply.
I have written a post above about how my diabetic life has gone if you would like to read, I did not see you message or I would have added you to it.
I have always been busy too when I developed diabetes I was in a very stressful busy job but left that last year as it was just too much and I was just too ill, but did managed to get a much slower pace job which I thought would improve things but then ended up on Insulin two days before starting my job which was just unfortunate, so now in admin .
So you have had difficulties too, do you think it would have been harder to cope without your partner? Did you managed to cope after your burnout? I have notice many people on a pump on here and libre but yet it's becoming such a nitemare to try and get these things and they take so long to sort out my diagnosis I have an amazing nurse at my GP and specialist at hospital but I've always felt they have missed the signs and allowed me to deteriorate. There has been no support for my mental health at all which I feel is worse than the diabetes.
You do!!! But we have diabetes so doesnt that just prove how strong we are?? 🙂
SB2015
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
Morning Shaz
I am sorry to hear that you don’t feel that you have been able to get support for your mental health. When I asked for help there was a 12 month waiting list!! I staid in their list, but in the meantime I paid for counselling. I shared the strategies that she taught me in here which may help (@Northerner I have forgotten how to provide the link). When I finally got the NHS help is was excellent, and by sheer conincidence the consellor also had T1, so I didn’t have to explain all that we have to do.
It definitely was good to have OH around, but friends were, and still are, great, and became more helpful once I opened up to them about ha w difficult I was finding it all. The biggest thing for me was that I had set myself unrealistic expectations of myself. Once I got these more realistic life settled more.
Northerner
Admin (Retired)
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
I think this is the thread you are referring to @SB2015
https://forum.diabetes.org.uk/board...n-dealing-with-depression-and-diabetes.66695/
SB2015
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
Thanks Northerner. I am sorry I keep being a useless techy.
Shaz88
Active Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
Hey,
Wow how lucky was that to get a diabetic counsellor, couldn't ask for someone more understanding. I think that's what I need, not just a diabetic friend but someone who is actually quite alone and fed up with it.
I can understand the setting goals, I was the same, now I don't think I set any. There is no support for the mental side of diabetes at all, out clinic used to have it but was stopped due to funding and said it wasn't needed.
I think from what I have read that it's definitely partners and others that provide that sense to carry on and to live with it, living alone with diabetes is a lonely place. I had 5 sessions thru work as I work for the NHS, but then they just stopped so have now got another one who is great.
Thank you for the link, well trying anyway Northerner has added it below x
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