Hello, bit of a downer post tonight but I honestly can’t live with disbetes anymore. I was diagnosed as soon as I escaped 18 years of physical & emotional abuse and neglect and was thinking life was about to get better (it did not). When I was being abused I was fed the same food everyday and as soon as I’m allowed to choose what I want to eat I get diagnosed with diabetes and have to deal with that. I’ve now had diabetes for 5 years and every day that goes by is worse than the previous. I get so angry when my bloods are not in range that I self harm and I get so anxious when I’m low that I over treat hypos, check my bloods 50+ times a day, treat hypos at 5.5mmol/L. I hate it, it has made my mental health 10x worse, there is absolutely NO benefits of having it which I keep hearing people online say. I feel like a failure, like the world hates me (18 years of abuse and now a lifetime of diabetes) and I honestly can’t live like this. Every day I self harm, feel the urge to punish myself, can’t eat what I want to eat because my team won’t help me figure out my ratio etc, there’s nothing easy about it and it’s all I think about I have to set alarms every hour through the night incase I hypo, have to stop eating carbs at 10pm which sucks because I want to eat pizza before bed. I literally can’t get my average blood sugars below 10 as well and I am so jealous of seeing everyone’s perfect bloods online and seeing them moaning about it. If there’s no advancements or things put in place like a pump or Dexcom by my diabetes team in the next year I can’t see myself making it.
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Inka
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
@Whitney Queen Massive hugs to you. You’re not alone - people here understand. I agree with you. I don’t think there’s anything great about having diabetes at all, and I too don’t like reading people saying that.
We could make suggestions for your ratios? I’m off to bed now after an early start, but if you’re in the mood to write a bit about your sugars, that would be good.
Mainly, I just wanted to send you that massive hug as above. It’s sh*t but it’s not your fault. You can beat it into submission and live with it. I did and I’m no stronger than you. Don’t let it ruin your life. Take the steering wheel. XX
(and I know it’s not easy, but I also know that you sound a strong person. Don’t underestimate yourself X )
We could make suggestions for your ratios? I’m off to bed now after an early start, but if you’re in the mood to write a bit about your sugars, that would be good.
Mainly, I just wanted to send you that massive hug as above. It’s sh*t but it’s not your fault. You can beat it into submission and live with it. I did and I’m no stronger than you. Don’t let it ruin your life. Take the steering wheel. XX
(and I know it’s not easy, but I also know that you sound a strong person. Don’t underestimate yourself X )
SB2015
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
Hi @Whitney Queen
I am sorry to read that you are struggling so much with your Diabetes. It is indeed relentless and Hard work with no holidays. It does create restrictions and your not eating after 10:00 pm is a good strategy, as it helps to settle things overnight, and hopefully give you more rest.
No one on here will have perfect blood glucose levels. They are impossible. It took me a long time to accept that after diagnosis. The early morning ones often posted are likely to be the most stable as the variables of the day will have not kicked in.
No one can change that we have T1. But we can understand each other.
Big hugs from me too. Be good to yourself.
I am sorry to read that you are struggling so much with your Diabetes. It is indeed relentless and Hard work with no holidays. It does create restrictions and your not eating after 10:00 pm is a good strategy, as it helps to settle things overnight, and hopefully give you more rest.
No one on here will have perfect blood glucose levels. They are impossible. It took me a long time to accept that after diagnosis. The early morning ones often posted are likely to be the most stable as the variables of the day will have not kicked in.
No one can change that we have T1. But we can understand each other.
Big hugs from me too. Be good to yourself.
Thebearcametoo
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Parent of person with diabetes
Hi @Whitney Queen I’m so sorry you’ve been through such a rough time and are finding it difficult still. When food has been used as abuse it can be so difficult to know how to eat and then adding diabetes on top of that is really difficult. It may help to have a chat with your GP about everything you are feeling. I know that’s not always easy right now either to get an appointment or to be able to express what you need to. It’s perfectly appropriate to write to your GP so you have time to set out what you need or if that isn’t an option just read out what you’ve written in this post. Your GP can then advocate for you to your team and hopefully push for you to see a dietician too to help you to relearn how to eat.
You should be a suitable candidate for a Libre 2 which would give you the options of hypo alarm so at least you could get some sleep.
Even people with good glucose control don’t have good glucose control all the time. My daughter has a really good HBA1C but is often above 12 for portions of the day. Last night went up to 20 (combination of factors). When you see everyone’s church numbers you’re not seeing what they say in confession (to use a Catholic metaphor).
You should be a suitable candidate for a Libre 2 which would give you the options of hypo alarm so at least you could get some sleep.
Even people with good glucose control don’t have good glucose control all the time. My daughter has a really good HBA1C but is often above 12 for portions of the day. Last night went up to 20 (combination of factors). When you see everyone’s church numbers you’re not seeing what they say in confession (to use a Catholic metaphor).
chaoticcar
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 2
First of all I would like to say well done for contacting us and I send you a hug Diabetes is difficult to deal with at the best of times .You have been strong for coping with years of abuse You have been given some good advice here .A saying that I tell myself when I am struggling is "When the going gets tough the tough get going " You have proved that you are tough !!!
Carol
Carol
@Whitney Queen Diabetes is relentless, you never get a day off, its hard work all day every day. But please don't be hard on yourself about getting perfect levels, none of us get perfect levels all of the time, more likely to be one good reading followed by rubbish ones the rest of the day. All anyone can do is their best.
You are a very strong person to have coped with the abuse. There is no shame in asking for help. Please, call your doctor, tell them you need help. It was good advice given by @Thebearcametoo, read out to your GP your post, push them for help and support.
We are all here on the forum to support you. Big (((HUGS))) to you. Stay strong x
You are a very strong person to have coped with the abuse. There is no shame in asking for help. Please, call your doctor, tell them you need help. It was good advice given by @Thebearcametoo, read out to your GP your post, push them for help and support.
We are all here on the forum to support you. Big (((HUGS))) to you. Stay strong x
mark king
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
Hello @Whitney Queen.
I notice you posted a very similar post in Jan '21 listing many of the symptoms quoted above. After working through multiple suggestions and making some changes you were having a retest for Dairy products intolerance.
That was the last post you made so from Jan '21 until August '21 nearly 8 months, how have you been?
Did you get given a new course of treatment, have you been doing anything different?
This will help us to make further suggestions that may assist your strive for better diabetic control.
Good luck.
I notice you posted a very similar post in Jan '21 listing many of the symptoms quoted above. After working through multiple suggestions and making some changes you were having a retest for Dairy products intolerance.
That was the last post you made so from Jan '21 until August '21 nearly 8 months, how have you been?
Did you get given a new course of treatment, have you been doing anything different?
This will help us to make further suggestions that may assist your strive for better diabetic control.
Good luck.
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