This sounds so familiar, Aspie - it is exactly what my partner does. He is always thinking "what would a 'normal' person say in this situation?" He is very successful at faking it - he gets on well with people, and is really good at conversation, and I think most people wouldn't have a clue how much of an effort this is for him. He is always tired - and it doesn't help that he doesn't sleep well either, another autistic thing (he can't cope with anything like light or noise when he's trying to sleep).
He has never had a formal diagnosis of Asperger's, but we have done enough research to be pretty sure that is what he has. If you don't mind my asking, did it help you to get a diagnosis? We have been wondering whether asking our GP for a referral to try to get him a diagnosis would be a good idea - he is so high-functioning that we have never felt it necessary before, but the constant tiredness is really difficult for him at the moment.
Thank you, Juliet. It is such a personal decision, whether to seek the formal diagnosis or not. I kind of fell into it, when I was seeing a psychiatrist for depression and she suddenly asked me if I have ever wondered if I was on the spectrum (diabetes and depression is a really evil combination: diabetes increases your chances of getting depressed, on a physiological/chemical level, and depression worsens diabetic control and outcome). So, for me the diagnosis was as helpful as it was unexpected. Suddenly, my life started making much more sense, because the diagnosis helped me understand the bits of my personality and behaviour that frustrated myself and those around me (like my "bloody-mindedness", or my unfortunate tendency to inform my supervising consultants their proposed plan of action goes against the NICE guidelines
🙄).
In general, it seems there's a limit to how much we can go on trying to fit in and adapting without some extra support and adaptations. While I was lucky enough to have benevolent supervisors who were amused rather than insulted by my direct approach and let me control the minutia of my routine at work (such as how manage hypos, where do I do my admin, when to take breaks, etc), I was coping OK. But once that support is removed, things just fall apart. And then the diagnosis may be helpful at least to try to get some support back via formal routes, I guess.
I think if your partner struggles with tiredness, it would be a good idea to visit the GP anyway, to check that there are no other problems going on (my first and most frustrating symptom of DM has been excessive tiredness, and then there's a host of other things, from anaemia to hypothyroidism). If all is well physically, then you have a much stronger case for a psych referral. Now, the adult ASD services function differently in different parts of the country: eg, in Cambridgeshire and in London GPs can refer directly for a specialist ASD assessment, while in some other parts of the country you may need to see a general Psychiatrist first (and some places, seeking the assessment privately is the only option
). So, there are lots of variables there.
Good luck with your partner: if you want to discuss this in more detail, PM me, I'll try to help if I can
🙂.
