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You are in a very difficult position but it seems as if he has some sort of control over you by dismissing your concerns. What does he do when you are not there, does he then take action to manage the hypos.
If you are fearing your own safety then he needs a reality check as to what might happen if his behaviour continues as it is.
What is he like when not hypo, is it a good relationship and worth fighting for.
Your GP may be able to help.
Hi @mandx. I will come at this from a different direction. I know exactly where you are and I suspect that if long standing member Gwynn were not taking a rest from the forum he would say the same. You are in a very difficult position and I commend you for trying to find a solution rather than simply walking away. Your partner is lucky to have you around in case things go really wrong but he will not see it. That is the nature of medical conditions that eventually effect the way people behave.
You are in effect your partner's carer in that due to his medical problems you need to be around to deal with problems which could turn very nasty if you were not available. People tend to think of carers as those who provide personal care to those who are physically incapacitated whereas most informal carers are like you, me and countless others providing support for those who would be in trouble without us about.
I would start by going to your GP and explain what is going on and the effect it is having on you, the fears you have, and ask to be registered as your partners' carer. See what reaction you get. If they are any good they will refer you to carer services and you can take it from there. Alternatively you could find out who provides carer services in your area (Google "carer services" and your county council) and see if you can self refer to them.
Carer services are very post code dependent but it is somewhere you can start to find what support you can find local to you.
I've reached out to you @mandx via PM, but also wanted jump on and say that we understand how challenging supporting a loved one with diabetes can be, especially when their condition affects their behaviour and well-being. It can be incredibly tough. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, scared, or unsure of what to do, please know that you’re not alone - and this goes out to anyone going through anything similar.
If you're in a situation where you feel unsafe or struggling with someone’s diabetes management and it is affecting your well-being, please don’t hesitate to reach out. You can message our team privately, and our helpline is always here to support you too.
Your safety and mental health matter just as much as your loved one’s diabetes care. If you ever need to talk, we’re here.
Hi @mandx. I will come at this from a different direction. I know exactly where you are and I suspect that if long standing member Gwynn were not taking a rest from the forum he would say the same. You are in a very difficult position and I commend you for trying to find a solution rather than simply walking away. Your partner is lucky to have you around in case things go really wrong but he will not see it. That is the nature of medical conditions that eventually effect the way people behave.
You are in effect your partner's carer in that due to his medical problems you need to be around to deal with problems which could turn very nasty if you were not available. People tend to think of carers as those who provide personal care to those who are physically incapacitated whereas most informal carers are like you, me and countless others providing support for those who would be in trouble without us about.
I would start by going to your GP and explain what is going on and the effect it is having on you, the fears you have, and ask to be registered as your partners' carer. See what reaction you get. If they are any good they will refer you to carer services and you can take it from there. Alternatively you could find out who provides carer services in your area (Google "carer services" and your county council) and see if you can self refer to them.
Carer services are very post code dependent but it is somewhere you can start to find what support you can find local to you.
Is there anyone else in his life he will listen to? There are times where it needs someone slightly outside to be able to talk about destructive behaviours.
I ramble on about my thoughts on general theory of relativity or “chariots of the gods” stuff whilst I treat my lows as my wife looks on bemused. The mind brings to the “party” what it brings when the cognitive is played with during a low. I have to ask. How does your partner handle lows when they are out in general public? (Maybe a work & colleague situation?)
It's difficult my partner works from home he's not a social person so we don't go out he goes on walks with his dog alone .... On the hills which is a huge worry. But when we do have to go out he seems to manage not to have hypos very often x
Do you work, or have other people to interact with and talk to (including friends and family)?
I really hope you do manage to get social interactions away from home to provide some support and prevent feelings of isolation.
This is a big thing to deal with alone. Remember this forum can be for some social chat as well as specific support
Do you work, or have other people to interact with and talk to (including friends and family)?
I really hope you do manage to get social interactions away from home to provide some support and prevent feelings of isolation.
This is a big thing to deal with alone. Remember this forum can be for some social chat as well as specific support
Hi thanku for your reply I don't work and because of where we live don't often get to see other people I do have friends and family I can have a moan to x
Is that alarm fatigue or is it because he doesn’t think it’s accurate so doesn’t bother to look? Either way, he needs support from his team to reduce these hypos.
How long has he had Type 1? Does he count the carbs in his meals and calculate the appropriate amount of insulin? If he’s not doing that, that could be part of the problem.
He's had type. diabetes for over 40 years. He says he counts his carbs but I feel he's taking to much insulin more often than not he will have breakfast a simple cheese sandwich for dinner at 12 noon then quite often won't have anything until 8 or 9 pm nothing I say goes down very well and he just turns angry when I say he's waiting to long and missing meals
He's had type. diabetes for over 40 years. He says he counts his carbs but I feel he's taking to much insulin more often than not he will have breakfast a simple cheese sandwich for dinner at 12 noon then quite often won't have anything until 8 or 9 pm nothing I say goes down very well and he just turns angry when I say he's waiting to long and missing meals
Well that shouldn’t actually be a problem as long as his basal insulin is set correctly. There shouldn’t be any need to eat at a preset timetable any more. With a flexible basal/bolus system the background insulin should just hold levels steady between meals (however long that is) and the meal doses should only be covering the carbs in the meal.
At least that’s the theory! Of course in practice, it can be tricky to get the balance right all the time. But regular nasty hypos suggest some of his doses are a bit out of kilter.
Just to be clear, with the "new" basal/bolus insulin regime that the vast majority of us are using these days, you don't have to eat at regular times and you can skip meals if/when you want to, unlike the old mixed insulin which meant you had to have a very rigid eating regime at set times and set amounts of carbs in them.
I often only eat two meals a day and sometimes just one with perhaps a snack and I just calculate how much insulin I need for what I am about to eat and inject that insulin taking into account how much exercise/activity I have done or how much I am going to do afterwards. Exercise can be hoovering the stairs or doing some gardening or having sex, as well as more obvious stuff like going for a walk/run/bike ride/swim etc.
Alcohol will also affect your levels, so you have to take that into account if you drink too.
The most important thing is to ensure your basal (long acting) insulin dose is as close to keeping you level in the absence of food as possible, in order for you to skip meals. Depending upon the insulin he uses, it may also need adjusting for exercise. If I have had a very active day particularly when the weather is warm and fine like today, then I usually need to reduce my evening basal insulin dose to reduce the risk of nocturnal hypos.
In the summer many of us need less basal/long acting insulin than in the winter, so there may be sometimes seasonal adjustment required as well. Many people simply take the same dose month after month and year after year because it is what they have always taken or what their nurse told them to take. My guess is that he doesn't adjust his basal insulin and possibly doesn't know to adjust (reduce) his meal time (bolus) insulin if he is going to be active afterwards. These are all things which can cause hypos as well as getting your carb count wrong or year meal time ratios needing some adjustment. If you regularly hypo because you have skipped a meal then generally that indicates your basal (long acting) insulin dose is too much.
