A major whinge/moment of self pity/diabetes hatred

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Freddie99

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
Evening all,

Tonight finds me a little depressed and pissed off. Because I am ill I haven't been able to bring my sugars under control whatever I do. This makes me question whatever abilities I have to look after myself and it also makes me want to pack it in. Being rejected from the UOTC for the reasons of being diabetic hasn't helped me at all. Quite frankly it really gets me that the army will not even look at me and allow me to attend the selection day. Being ill just makes me feel so damn useless when it comes to bringing things under control. Today I had one decent reading. 8.4 mmol/L before breakfast but after that everything has just been higher and higher. Before tea I was 19 and that's despite correcting a 14 about two hours before my tea. I suppose the beers haven't helped my case at all but what I want right now is just the opportunity to be ordinary. To not have to go through this sodding rigamorale every day of my life and to be able to forget everything diabetes related even for a few days. I am sick to the back teeth of having to constantly stab my fingers then whatever part of my body to keep myself alive. It seems just so worthless at the moment. Nothing seems to be working for me and all seems to be against me right now. I just get the feeling that I can't keep up with this god awful illness let alone win against it. I want to pack it all in and go home now. Trouble is I'll still be diabetic wherever I am, diabetes doesn't care for location it seems. I want somehow just to live without this and have a much more care free life. I can bloody well dream can't I? I know it won't happen but yet I still desire something that I don't have. I watch alot of people at my uni rather enviouslyat the moment, I sit and wish in vain

It's taken alot for me to put all this into words and yet I still feel that there is something missing. I probably can't find the words to put across completely how I feel at the moment but I know that alot of people will have felt much the same way as I do now.

Tom
 
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:( Sorry youre feeling so low Tom.

Its sucks but if youre sick you cant afford to take your eye of the ball just yet. Stick with it. Rememer how positive you were feeling before the lurgy hit.

Get well soon hun xx
 
sorry you're feeling so down Tom. I felt very much the same in my first few weeks of uni, but dont worry, you can do it! I promise!
 
Hi Tom, really sorry to hear this. As you say, the UOTC out-of-hand rejection doesn't help the way you feel, nor the high levels and sickness. Moreover, you are in a new environment with all the pressures that entails. I found it very difficult when I ifirst went to Uni because suddenly I seemed to be amongst people so much bettr prepared for the life than me. I'm not saying that is the case with you - what you are having to confront is loads of people seemingly without a care in the world.

Keep trying with the corrections. Without the efforts you are making you would be much worse off, so although it's not working completely, it WILL be making a difference. Sounds to me like you might benefit from a good chat with a DSN so you can let your feelings out face-to-face with someone who might be able to make suggestions.

Hope you can get a good night's sleep and that things are brighter in the morning.
 
Awww, I feel for you Tom, even though I don't know how you feel. Glad you've been able to express it though. Are you VERY far from your family? Too far to skedaddle off home for the weekend for some TLC ?

Hope this down-ness doesn't stick around for too long......

Just a thought - and apologies if this is very naiive of me - but I don't spose it's possibe to be able to 'seek out' any other diabetics at your uni, possibly away from home and family for the first time too, and maybe you could (all) be some kind of support for each other. At least you'll all know how it feels when you're down.......

xx
 
Sorry I can't be of real help to you Tom. :(

Just want to say I hope you feel better soon and get some control over your blood sugars. I, nay we, all know what it's like when you put in enough insulin or so you think. Then you get to the next checkpoint as it were and the blood sugar reading astounds you! I know that when I've luck on my side I can, almost effortlessly, get bloody good levels but almost as likely I have a run of bad luck and follow the same thinking as before with how much insulin to put it but then I seem to go sky high.

I find diabetes to be the most variable, dependent on luck and cerebral illness/disease/condition/thing out there. Whatever happens with Uni and UTOC hope you get out of the dumps and get a smile back on your face. 🙂

Perhaps you should try turning the lights off in your room, put your favourite music/album on and go for a bit of sensory deprivation - just chill out. 😎
 
I can't pretend I understand how the disease works for type 1s, I'm not sure I understand what's going on with my type 2 yet. However, talking to your DSN sounds like a good idea to me. And go spoil yourself a bit, preferably something that won't send your BGL any higher. In the meantime, I hope you feel better soon.
 
Sorry to hear you are feeling down Tom :( I'm not sure what to say. I think it's terrible that the army wont even consider you and that is probably one of the things that upsets me the most about diabetes... I dont feel like an 'ill' person or 'disabled' yet i'm banned from doing certain jobs, driving certain vehicles!

It is difficult to deal with everything when you are just starting out at uni, but keep working at the levels and please dont give up! I really hope they settle down and you feel better soon xx
 
PM sent re uni, UOTC etc. Hang in there, and hope tomorrow feels better.
 
Hi tom i did write a long reply ...but lost it somehow trying to post so now just want to say ..stick to it ...you are far too intelligent ...You have gone through loads in last 2 weeks ...and boy its tough...but you will be fine..you are just starting ....no wonder you are exhausted ...put on once in a lifetime by the tom tom club...have a good dance and think of ...how did i get here??? keep at it Tom and we are all here to give you support!!!:D
 
sorry i mean once in a lifetime by talking heads XXX:D
 
guienus of love ...tom tom club XXXx pure brilliance...:D
 
Hello all,

Thanks for your kind words, they're much appreciated. Well, I'm heading back home tomorrow afternoon for the weekend. Got my dad's birthday present to drop off, hopefully he likes Famous Grouse (how did I buy that on a students budget??) It'll be nice to see the family. I suppose that this is the longest I've been away from home for. I was lucky that the diabetes management started out well but was just shafted by illness. As for the UOTC, well, 103 REME battalion will just have to deal without me. Then again I don't know if people would want a science student as a vehicle mechanic or a vehicle electrician! I'd probably break something very expensive!

Tom
 
have a lovely weekend ...dont forget the washing x
 
am64 said:
have a lovely weekend ...dont forget the washing x
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Thank you! I've been on top of things and done that already!

Oh, bloody UOTC, I shaved my sideburns off especially for them. Right, that's me not shaving a for a while I think.
 
I hope you feel better soon Tom and have a good weekend at home.

Just think, when you start pumping dealing with illness is a walk in the park, well not quite but so much easier than injections. You can just whack on a 200% basal and bolus as well if needed. Hey presto (sort of).

Take care and if the army don't want you, we do !🙂
 
Tom Hreben said:
Thank you! I've been on top of things and done that already!

Oh, bloody UOTC, I shaved my sideburns off especially for them. Right, that's me not shaving a for a while I think.
Click to expand...

Thats it Tom, grow some rebelious facial hair!!! :D
 
Adrienne said:
I hope you feel better soon Tom and have a good weekend at home.

Just think, when you start pumping dealing with illness is a walk in the park, well not quite but so much easier than injections. You can just whack on a 200% basal and bolus as well if needed. Hey presto (sort of).

Take care and if the army don't want you, we do !🙂
Click to expand...

Thanks Adrienne, I think it's almost decision made after this week of putting up with feeling sh*te. As for 103 REME, well, they can damn well whistle for the moment. It was good of them to phone me to tell me rather than letting me go to Longmoor for the selection and be failed by the medical there.

Tom
 
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