Denial

[Pina]

I have had 2 friends for over 20 years, both diabetic, both don't look after themselves. One of them, her husband is diabetic too, and he will not take medication prescribed, eats what he likes, and pretends he doesn't have it. His eyesight is failing, and he can't feel his feet, but he still won't do as he's told. Today, I had his wife (one of my friends) on the phone, crying, that he couldn't feel his legs, and had to call the ambulance out to him. They took his bs, and it was 14.3. I told her that's quite high, but she said 'no, its not that high'.... I know i've only been a diabetic for a few months, but that reading was higher than mine when i was diagnosed. They both think they know everything there is to know. They don't test, eat bangers and mash like its going out of fashion. When i suggest she tests more often, she shakes her head, saying 'no..no..no..' I feel really frustrated because they are ruining their health. The other friend is just as bad, she never tests and eats whatever she wants.
I had to buy my bs kit because our surgery doesn't give them out to type2, they get theirs for free and don't use them. The testing sticks go out of date before they get to use them.
I sometimes wonder where i would be if i hadn't made that appt, when i was drinking loads.....
I want them to be around for a few more years, but at this rate..... you can't get through to people who really don't want to know.

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

Must be very difficult for you to watch @Pina

But diabetes is a very individual thing, and all you can do is be open to share your experiences when they are ready to hear them.

 

[Pina]

It's just so sad that they are making themselves ill....

 

[Sally71]

Unfortunately you can’t force people to change, they have to want to do it themselves. Must be really hard to watch, it all you can do is look after your own diabetes as best you can and then if they ever ask why you are so fussy about it, you can tell them that it's the only way to minimise your chances of complications. Maybe it will get through, maybe it won’t, but ultimately there isn’t much you can do about it if they can’t see a problem and don’t want to change.

One of my colleagues' husband was diagnosed a couple of years ago, she's tried so hard to get him to eat a healthy low carb diet but he's not interested, just wants to eat bread and pasta all the time and then wonders why he feels so tired. She feels like she's banging her head against a wall but at the same time is being forced to acknowledge that he's a grown man of sound mind who has to take responsibility for his own health. She's tried to help him but is having to take a step back now and that must be so hard

 

[HenryBennett]

You can take a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. Don’t let toxic people drag you down. Have friends who energise you.

 

[trophywench]

Casual conversation with some lovely people from Guernsey on a campsite in France who'd invited us for a drink and in conversation their mate a T2 diabetic had cut his toe on his yacht and it didn't heal so it had to be amputated, wasn't I worried that would happen to me? No, because I made every effort to control my diabetes and not have it control me, it takes some effort but I'm used to that now. Oh well - your diabetes obviously isn't anywhere near as bad as his then!

Excuse me I said, I'm getting chilly sitting here, I'm going to pop back to the tent and put some more clothes on. And left ...... silently screaming.

My husband said to them in my absence that not everyone listens to the advice they are given, but I did usually - and anyway neither he & I, nor the friends, could possibly know what advice he had been given, could we? He only knew it wasn't inevitable to get diabetic complications, cos his own mama had been T2 for years.

 

[HenryBennett]

@trophywench the world is full of stupid people! A good idea to disengage.

 

[Pina]

Unfortunately you can’t force people to change, they have to want to do it themselves. Must be really hard to watch, it all you can do is look after your own diabetes as best you can and then if they ever ask why you are so fussy about it, you can tell them that it's the only way to minimise your chances of complications. Maybe it will get through, maybe it won’t, but ultimately there isn’t much you can do about it if they can’t see a problem and don’t want to change.

One of my colleagues' husband was diagnosed a couple of years ago, she's tried so hard to get him to eat a healthy low carb diet but he's not interested, just wants to eat bread and pasta all the time and then wonders why he feels so tired. She feels like she's banging her head against a wall but at the same time is being forced to acknowledge that he's a grown man of sound mind who has to take responsibility for his own health. She's tried to help him but is having to take a step back now and that must be so hard

That's so sad

 

[mikeyB]

I can only agree with @Sally71. Some folk you just can't make see sense, so it isn't worth your sanity trying to change them. It's not our job to do that, it's theirs. OK, it'll be a hard lesson for them to learn, with no road back from the ravages of uncontrolled diabetes, but they will almost never admit it was their own fault. Not grown adults, for sure. I've seen it too often to make me think otherwise. You would have more chance of sidling up to Hitler and saying "Erm.. don't you think that's a bad idea?" and changing the world.

As any psychiatrist will tell you, you can't cure personality disorders.

 

[trophywench]

Walk away and leave them to it. Use your energy on something where you can make a difference - even if it's vacuuming the walls and ceiling to get rid of dust devils or cleaning the flippin doors. (Jobs I particularly hate LOL)

 

[Pine Marten]

I'm sadly agreeing with everyone's comments. My daughter works part time in a large hospital, and sometimes is on the diabetic ward. She rants about how she sees the same people coming in for, say, more toe amputations and so on, but still they insist on having their sticky sponge & custard or whatever... They do not look after themselves when they go home so end up in hospital time and again with more complications.

You can't cure stupid

 

[brisr949]

On the sponge and custard point, it absolutely amazes me how the hospitals allow that to be served to diabetic patients. They look at you like youve poked them in the eye if you ask for one sugar in your tea but happily serve up whatever desert you want twice a day and then wonder why so many patients sit high all day..surely hospitals must do their part as a lot of the patients i saw shoveling ice cream down their throats every day were not mentally competent to make decisions anymore so if its down to the hospital to administer their meds and care surely its down to them to control their diets...sorry for the rant.

 

[Amity Island]

I have had 2 friends for over 20 years, both diabetic, both don't look after themselves. One of them, her husband is diabetic too, and he will not take medication prescribed, eats what he likes, and pretends he doesn't have it. His eyesight is failing, and he can't feel his feet, but he still won't do as he's told. Today, I had his wife (one of my friends) on the phone, crying, that he couldn't feel his legs, and had to call the ambulance out to him. They took his bs, and it was 14.3. I told her that's quite high, but she said 'no, its not that high'.... I know i've only been a diabetic for a few months, but that reading was higher than mine when i was diagnosed. They both think they know everything there is to know. They don't test, eat bangers and mash like its going out of fashion. When i suggest she tests more often, she shakes her head, saying 'no..no..no..' I feel really frustrated because they are ruining their health. The other friend is just as bad, she never tests and eats whatever she wants.
I had to buy my bs kit because our surgery doesn't give them out to type2, they get theirs for free and don't use them. The testing sticks go out of date before they get to use them.
I sometimes wonder where i would be if i hadn't made that appt, when i was drinking loads.....
I want them to be around for a few more years, but at this rate..... you can't get through to people who really don't want to know.

Change has to be self led (lasting change anyway).

 

[Pina]

Thank you all for your comments, I will have to leave them to it, you can't change someone who doesn't want to be changed. I just feel sad that they can't see it.

 

[Ditto]

The thought of the unused strips is very annoying! Those people are ostriches like me, no point trying to change them. My friend in Plymouth is the same, bg in double figures but will eat a whole punnet of grapes and have just ice cream for tea. Most of my family are diabetic and we just sweep it all under the rug, they never test. You are a good person for worrying about them but you just have to leave them to it, they've been given the information and it's up to them what they do with it. 🙂

 

[eggyg]

I'm sadly agreeing with everyone's comments. My daughter works part time in a large hospital, and sometimes is on the diabetic ward. She rants about how she sees the same people coming in for, say, more toe amputations and so on, but still they insist on having their sticky sponge & custard or whatever... They do not look after themselves when they go home so end up in hospital time and again with more complications.

You can't cure stupid

On one of Mr Eggy’s many stays in hospital on the heart ward, the guy in the next bed, who had had a heart attack and was Type 2 diabetic, was tucking into a giant bag of jelly babies. He offered hubby one and then told him he had to eat these as he was diabetic! Another guy, also had a heart attack and diabetic, was brought in two cream cakes by his wife and then berated her because she hadn’t brought a fork in for him to enable him to eat them. He then proceeded to eat both with his fingers. They barely touched the sides! I so wanted to give the pair of them a good telling off, instead I just seethed silently inside. I couldn’t believe the hospital staff just allowed it. As has been said some folks really don’t care and who are we to try and enlighten them if the HCPs don’t?

 

[HenryBennett]

We’re all agreed that some people are just stupid but it’s a deadly combination when they also have no self-awareness.

I have a great niece who has Cystic Fibrosis. People with CF have a greater incidence of diabetes, as much as ⅓ increased chance! Yet she is addicted to sweets because her grandmother, in particular, has all her life (she’s 20) given her bags of sweets. The reason she loved going to see her grandparents was she knew her gran would have bags of sweets for her.

Much as I’ve tried to discourage her and explained the dangers of diabetes she still scoffs sweets and says things like, “Sweets are my life.”😱😱😱 When she’s with me she only puts two spoons of sugar in her hot chocolate but I know she always puts in three.

My brother has finally been forced, in his sixties, to give up smoking after a triple heart bypass. Needless to say he also has COPD or “popcorn lung”. I asked him how many a day he was smoking, expecting him to admit to 10 to 20, but he said 30 to 40. Also 😱😱😱

Most of the things they do day to day display a singular lack of self-awareness that has spread to the whole family - children and grandchildren. Very sad and something I’m only just starting to come to terms with - by not having anything to do with them.

 

[Pina]

The thought of the unused strips is very annoying! Those people are ostriches like me, no point trying to change them. My friend in Plymouth is the same, bg in double figures but will eat a whole punnet of grapes and have just ice cream for tea. Most of my family are diabetic and we just sweep it all under the rug, they never test. You are a good person for worrying about them but you just have to leave them to it, they've been given the information and it's up to them what they do with it. 🙂

They just throw them all away, and my surgery won't supply a kit because they don't to type 2, i had to buy my own.

 

[Pina]

oh i will not let it get to me now.... housework? nah, i'm not that annoyed...lol

 

[grovesy]

We’re all agreed that some people are just stupid but it’s a deadly combination when they also have no self-awareness.

I have a great niece who has Cystic Fibrosis. People with CF have a greater incidence of diabetes, as much as ⅓ increased chance! Yet she is addicted to sweets because her grandmother, in particular, has all her life (she’s 20) given her bags of sweets. The reason she loved going to see her grandparents was she knew her gran would have bags of sweets for her.

Much as I’ve tried to discourage her and explained the dangers of diabetes she still scoffs sweets and says things like, “Sweets are my life.”😱😱😱 When she’s with me she only puts two spoons of sugar in her hot chocolate but I know she always puts in three.

My brother has finally been forced, in his sixties, to give up smoking after a triple heart bypass. Needless to say he also has COPD or “popcorn lung”. I asked him how many a day he was smoking, expecting him to admit to 10 to 20, but he said 30 to 40. Also 😱😱😱

Most of the things they do day to day display a singular lack of self-awareness that has spread to the whole family - children and grandchildren. Very sad and something I’m only just starting to come to terms with - by not having anything to do with them.

Well most Medics would most probably say if he is admitting to 30-40 , then you can possibly double that.