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Fighting back tears

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This thread is now closed. Please contact Anna DUK, Ieva DUK or everydayupsanddowns if you would like it re-opened.
G

grainger

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
hey all

I’m struggling. Really struggling. Why is diabetes so bl**dy hard?

So my amazing, incredible hubby took me on a date last night for Thai - my absolute favourite food. Now I know In my head I shouldn’t eat it. Palm sugar is a hidden bast**d and being pregnant I know I need to be so careful but I really wanted it. And god was it good.

Anyway, thought I was doing ok, sugars hit 10 2 hours later and I still had loads of insulin in my system so I was hopeful. Wasn’t to be. By 1am my sugars hit 20, which seemed insane so I changed my set and by 2.30am I was back in single figures and this morning I was fighting of a hypo at 3.9.

Now obviously last night I did what any normal woman would do who is ****ed off at herself and terrified about buggering up this pregnancy, I took it out on my hubby. Who now is feeling guilty and horrible and I just want to swallow his pain as he’s amazing and doesn’t deserve to feel like this.

My overriding feeling now though is fear. This unborn baby is so unbelievably precious to me and I’m terrified I’ve caused damage. I don’t know what to do to calm myself down.

Advice most welcome please
 
grainger said:
hey all

I’m struggling. Really struggling. Why is diabetes so bl**dy hard?

So my amazing, incredible hubby took me on a date last night for Thai - my absolute favourite food. Now I know In my head I shouldn’t eat it. Palm sugar is a hidden bast**d and being pregnant I know I need to be so careful but I really wanted it. And god was it good.

Anyway, thought I was doing ok, sugars hit 10 2 hours later and I still had loads of insulin in my system so I was hopeful. Wasn’t to be. By 1am my sugars hit 20, which seemed insane so I changed my set and by 2.30am I was back in single figures and this morning I was fighting of a hypo at 3.9.

Now obviously last night I did what any normal woman would do who is ****ed off at herself and terrified about buggering up this pregnancy, I took it out on my hubby. Who now is feeling guilty and horrible and I just want to swallow his pain as he’s amazing and doesn’t deserve to feel like this.

My overriding feeling now though is fear. This unborn baby is so unbelievably precious to me and I’m terrified I’ve caused damage. I don’t know what to do to calm myself down.

Advice most welcome please
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Grainger...you have to take a moment to compose yourself...think about what happened...its not a disaster...you had a meal you enjoyed...a night out with your husband...there is absolutely nothing wrong with that...I doubt very much one meal would harm your baby...any baby is precious...but...knowing a little of your history I appreciate just how precious this baby is...we all rail at our partners...husbands...loved ones from time to time...difficult to avoid...speak to him later...he sounds amazing...he will understand how you feel...its not just the diabetes...the blood sugars...hormones raging...stress...anxiety...looking after an active toddler...come on...give yourself a break...have a good cry...I'm a firm believer in crying...the relief at the end of a good cry...tremendous...the realisation its not as bad as you thought...wouldn't dare tell you some of the things I've done in times of a personal crisis...really please give yourself some leeway...some credit here...you are managing such a lot...have a lovely family...wonderful son...supportive husband...a lot to look forward to.
 
I agree with Bubbie there is so much going on your doing well, look at the other side your man who you love took you for a amazing meal which is your favorite, thats really good for you about time you had that time with each other that made you feel good about yourself which is good for your baby, ok DB went a bit crazy i know you can deal with that, when im sugar high i have ago at my precious Mrs all in a days work lol she understands or i would get a right kicking she is from Yorkshire lol so come on head up just a bad day keep going Mrs.
 
Awww hun sorry to see you are feeling this way, don't beat yourself up, you had one meal that you enjoyed and by the sound of it, it might not even have been the food's fault, it could have been a dodgy set etc, don't think that you've caused any damage cause you wont have, and some things just cant be helped, we all know how important this little one is to you and your family and you are really being too hard on yourself, we know you want to do whats best etc and that is exactly what you are doing!! Take a breath relax, get the thoughts you are having out of your head and get that sensible thought head on woman! 🙂 sorry if this hasn't helped much but not really sure what else I can say to help put your mind at rest, just remember we are all here for you! :D xx
 
Ingressus said:
I agree with Bubbie there is so much going on your doing well, look at the other side your man who you love took you for a amazing meal which is your favorite, thats really good for you about time you had that time with each other that made you feel good about yourself which is good for your baby, ok DB went a bit crazy i know you can deal with that, when im sugar high i have ago at my precious Mrs all in a days work lol she understands or i would get a right kicking she is from Yorkshire lol so come on head up just a bad day keep going Mrs.
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Well said Ingressus...absolutely right.
 
Thanks all. Rationally I know it’s not the end of the world to have a bad day. I’m just really scared that something is going to go wrong.

But you are right, I did have a lovely night with D and I should treasure that. He’s a love who just made breakfast for us all (which I promptly threw up - thanks pebbles).

I guess it doesn’t help that I can’t help but compare my blood sugars to when I had Josh but I can’t help but notice how much harder I’m finding controlling things this time.

But you are all right. I need to dust myself off and just get my head back in the game.

Thanks for the lack of judgement as always. It’s much appreciated x
 
grainger said:
Thanks all. Rationally I know it’s not the end of the world to have a bad day. I’m just really scared that something is going to go wrong.

But you are right, I did have a lovely night with D and I should treasure that. He’s a love who just made breakfast for us all (which I promptly threw up - thanks pebbles).

I guess it doesn’t help that I can’t help but compare my blood sugars to when I had Josh but I can’t help but notice how much harder I’m finding controlling things this time.

But you are all right. I need to dust myself off and just get my head back in the game.

Thanks for the lack of judgement as always. It’s much appreciated x
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Grainger...once pebbles has arrived...will tell you about some of my antics...can't tell you now...you'd be horrified...would laugh too much...possible as a result...pebbles may join in...you have enough to contend with now...remind when pebbles has arrived...I may share then🙂
 
Really sorry to hear this Grainger.

No two pregnancies are the same from what I've seen from Mrs EDUAD.

The fact that you are so horrified by the one-off levels after that meal suggests to me that on the whole you are doing spectacularly well in managing your diabetes through pregnancy - which is an absolutely HUGE acheivement.

I am sure that a handful of results like that would not outweigh all the amazing work you are putting in for the rest of the time.

(((((hugs))))) to you.
 
(((hugs))) It's not your fault. (((hugs))) You just wanted to have a nice meal.
 
Thanks all. Have seen community midwife today and heard little ones heartbeat so that helps a little.

Unfortunately my blood sugars are not playing today and I’m currently fighting high sugars again. Just another fun filled day right.

Sorry to moan. It’s just feeling v much like an uphill battle today.
 
I can't add anything to the wise words already posted, but you can't help how you feel. I doubt 2 pregnancies are ever the same and sounds like you are doing brilliantly. You'll wake up one morning and (hopefully) the sickness will have gone, as it mysteriously does, but it's exhausting until it does. Sounds like your OH won't give it another thought, other than concern for you. So have a big old cry whenever you need it...it is good for you, relieving pressure and we always feel better afterwards. Apparently it's along the same lines as why builders whistle and ...how shall I put it...parp...because otherwise they'd explode! It's science.

You're another week closer to meeting your new little person!🙂

Anyway big hug coming your way. Oh and I think we're all looking forward to hearing about @Bubbsie 's antics! X
 
grainger said:
Thanks all. Have seen community midwife today and heard little ones heartbeat so that helps a little.

Unfortunately my blood sugars are not playing today and I’m currently fighting high sugars again. Just another fun filled day right.

Sorry to moan. It’s just feeling v much like an uphill battle today.
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The joys of pregnancy and diabetes:(. No doubt you'll move to the next phase sickness will stop, you'll be full of energy, you're little one won't be able to keep up with you! Seems like a way off today though. Good to see your midwife today for chat and some reassurance. 🙂
 
Lisa66 said:
I can't add anything to the wise words already posted, but you can't help how you feel. I doubt 2 pregnancies are ever the same and sounds like you are doing brilliantly. You'll wake up one morning and (hopefully) the sickness will have gone, as it mysteriously does, but it's exhausting until it does. Sounds like your OH won't give it another thought, other than concern for you. So have a big old cry whenever you need it...it is good for you, relieving pressure and we always feel better afterwards. Apparently it's along the same lines as why builders whistle and ...how shall I put it...parp...because otherwise they'd explode! It's science.

You're another week closer to meeting your new little person!🙂

Anyway big hug coming your way. Oh and I think we're all looking forward to hearing about @Bubbsie 's antics! X
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Lisaa...they would make your hair curl...😉😉😉😉.
 
Well I'm at that inbetween phase at the moment hair style wise and with this damp weather I could give Charlie's Angels a run for their money flick and curl wise, not a good look on short hair, so a few more won't matter? You're just making it sound more intriguing now!

(Apologies Grainger...getting off subject)🙂
 
Lisa66 said:
Well I'm at that inbetween phase at the moment hair style wise and with this damp weather I could give Charlie's Angels a run for their money flick and curl wise, not a good look on short hair, so a few more won't matter? You're just making it sound more intriguing now!

(Apologies Grainger...getting off subject)🙂
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Sent you a PM with my last foot in my mouth faux-pas...but...you're not allowed to repeat it here.
 
Bubbsie said:
Sent you a PM with my last foot in my mouth faux-pas...but...you're not allowed to repeat it here.
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Sent it...remember not for sharing😉.
 
It's a hard battle, you're entitled to a struggle every so often. From what you've said, I think you're doing great.
 
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