Worried wife!

[MrsK13]

My husband has diabetes type 1.5 (LADA), was diagnosed 4 years ago, a week before we had our first child. His results have gotten worse year on year and we got results again yesterday with no improvement. I'm at a loss as to how to get him to acknowledge the damage he is doing to himself and to get him to accept he needs to make changes to get his results under control. I feel I need support now and I've tried everything I can...

 

[grovesy]

Welcome.

 

[Bubbsie]

My husband has diabetes type 1.5 (LADA), was diagnosed 4 years ago, a week before we had our first child. His results have gotten worse year on year and we got results again yesterday with no improvement. I'm at a loss as to how to get him to acknowledge the damage he is doing to himself and to get him to accept he needs to make changes to get his results under control. I feel I need support now and I've tried everything I can...

Hi MrsK13...I'm type 2 and woefully ignorant of Type 1 be it LADA...MODY (to my shame)...sorry cannot help you in that respect...however...we have many members here who will be able to advise/suggest what the best way forward is...early Saturday morning... so the forum is quiet...no doubt when it 'wakes up' they will be along to advise...offer what support they can...good luck...keep us updated.

 

[MrsK13]

Thank you! At my wits end...

 

[Copepod]

Welcome to the forum MrsK.
It's a tricky situation for you, because, basically it's your husband's own condition and his responsibility.
How is his relationship with diabetes staff? Has he ever been offered and / or attended an education course? Such courses give information, obviously, but even more valuable is the chance to meet other people with the same condition. However, courses for people with type 1.5 LADA are few and far between.

 

[Bloden]

Hi there, MrsK13, and welcome.🙂 I'm sorry to hear that your husband's situation is causing you so much stress.

I don't know what advice I can give you because I don't know the exact details of your situation. My own experience when first diagnosed is this: for the first four or five years I struggled and felt completely overwhelmed by my 'new normal'. My husband gave input and support when I asked for it, but there wasn't really anything he could do to help me come to terms with my diabetes. It was only really when I found this forum that things started to improve...at last I was surrounded by people that 'got' me and understood what I was going thru. It's only then that I was able to gradually start looking after myself.

You say you've tried everything - it's a tough one, if my husband had tried to coax me into better control it would've had the opposite effect and heaped on more pressure...We all want the best for our loved ones - are there things you can do as a family that can coax him into the necessary lifestyle changes and help him feel he's not alone and under pressure to change - like going for a walk every Sunday morning? Or trying out a new activity that would benefit all of you, not just him?

 

[Ditto]

Hello and welcome to the forum MrsK13. 🙂

 

[Bubbsie]

Thank you! At my wits end...

Believe a lot of us here have been at our wits end Mrs K...whichever type of diabetes we are dealing with...difficult to find the right way to approach your exact circumstances...trial & error I'm afraid...positive joining the forum...wondering if your husband would find it helpful it beneficial if he became a member...maybe a step too far right now?...just a thought.

 

[HOBIE]

Welcome Mrs K 13. You have done the right thing straight away. Joining this site ! It is hard work the big "D" challenge. If we can help we will & pls keep asking.

 

[MrsK13]

Welcome to the forum MrsK.
It's a tricky situation for you, because, basically it's your husband's own condition and his responsibility.
How is his relationship with diabetes staff? Has he ever been offered and / or attended an education course? Such courses give information, obviously, but even more valuable is the chance to meet other people with the same condition. However, courses for people with type 1.5 LADA are few and far between.

Hi, I know it's his condition but extremely hard to know he's killing himself when he could have control over this.
Very poor interactions from diabetes staff, firstly as they are under resourced and can only see him once a year at most! And to be fair each time he does see them his results are worse & they are at a loss as how to help him too!
We have done the education courses together & I think diabetes could be my specialist subject on mastermind lol!

 

[MrsK13]

Welcome Mrs K 13. You have done the right thing straight away. Joining this site ! It is hard work the big "D" challenge. If we can help we will & pls keep asking.

Thank you! Appreciate that.

 

[MrsK13]

Believe a lot of us here have been at our wits end Mrs K...whichever type of diabetes we are dealing with...difficult to find the right way to approach your exact circumstances...trial & error I'm afraid...positive joining the forum...wondering if your husband would find it helpful it beneficial if he became a member...maybe a step too far right now?...just a thought.

I'm hoping by me joining may encourage him to mooch around the site and even join himself!

 

[HOBIE]

Everyone has there point of view so pls Mr K get on. We wont bite

 

[MrsK13]

Hi there, MrsK13, and welcome.🙂 I'm sorry to hear that your husband's situation is causing you so much stress.

I don't know what advice I can give you because I don't know the exact details of your situation. My own experience when first diagnosed is this: for the first four or five years I struggled and felt completely overwhelmed by my 'new normal'. My husband gave input and support when I asked for it, but there wasn't really anything he could do to help me come to terms with my diabetes. It was only really when I found this forum that things started to improve...at last I was surrounded by people that 'got' me and understood what I was going thru. It's only then that I was able to gradually start looking after myself.

You say you've tried everything - it's a tough one, if my husband had tried to coax me into better control it would've had the opposite effect and heaped on more pressure...We all want the best for our loved ones - are there things you can do as a family that can coax him into the necessary lifestyle changes and help him feel he's not alone and under pressure to change - like going for a walk every Sunday morning? Or trying out a new activity that would benefit all of you, not just him?

Thanks for your reply. His BG results have not been below 25 in 4 years and his HbA1c over 100 for 4 years. He rarely tests himself - thinks he can just 'guess' how much insulin he needs, never takes corrective insulin doses, misses injections and does no exercise! He has lost weight but has poor diet control.

I've started exercising myself after losing 2.5 stones and trying to encourage him to join me. He refuses to eat my 'diet' food. I've even done Dry July with him to have a month off booze - he lasted 8 days, I'm still dry!

I've gone from encouragement, to rage, to upset, to ignoring it completely. Nothing seems to get him to acknowledge his condition. Not even our 4yo daughter asking him to take his medicine so he doesn't die hasn't triggered any response ☹️

 

[Bubbsie]

Very poor interactions from diabetes staff, firstly as they are under resourced and can only see him once a year at most! And to be fair each time he does see them his results are worse & they are at a loss as how to help him too!

You say you've tried everything - it's a tough one, if my husband had tried to coax me into better control it would've had the opposite effect and heaped on more pressure...We all want the best for our loved ones - are there things you can do as a family that can coax him into the necessary lifestyle changes and help him feel he's not alone and under pressure to change -

Mrs K...can't make excuses or explain your husbands approach to his diabetes...appears blasé (not a criticism at all)...from him...and his health care team...essentially...whilst we are responsible for managing our own diabetes...not as easy as it sounds...as you know...I wouldn't make excuses or try to explain why your husband has not tried to deal with his condition...possibly denial...who knows...however I'm disappointed to hear his health care team don't know what to do with him...he cannot be the first/only diabetic they have seen that is failing to manage...they appear to have 'washed their hands of him'...that cannot be right...given his obvious difficulties he sees them only once a year?...again that cannot be right...I do agree with Bloden...the more he feels under pressure...the more it may have the opposite effect...wondering if the DUK helpline could help...something very similar to your circumstances a couple of days ago (different facts...same results)...referred to the DUK helpline...can't do any harm...they may be able to point you in the right direction...consider myself fortunate so far...type 2...only a relatively small does of Metformin...no idea how I would cope with insulin...injections...the rigidity of the regime...try the helpline...give DUK a call...a link at the top of the page... there may be resources outside your local NHS services (or the lack of them) available to you & your family...keep us updated...best of luck.

 

[Bubbsie]

Mrs K...can't make excuses or explain your husbands approach to his diabetes...appears blasé (not a criticism at all)...from him...and his health care team...essentially...whilst we are responsible for managing our own diabetes...not as easy as it sounds...as you know...I wouldn't make excuses or try to explain why your husband has not tried to deal with his condition...possibly denial...who knows...however I'm disappointed to hear his health care team don't know what to do with him...he cannot be the first/only diabetic they have seen that is failing to manage...they appear to have 'washed their hands of him'...that cannot be right...given his obvious difficulties he sees them only once a year?...again that cannot be right...I do agree with Bloden...the more he feels under pressure...the more it may have the opposite effect...wondering if the DUK helpline could help...something very similar to your circumstances a couple of days ago (different facts...same results)...referred to the DUK helpline...can't do any harm...they may be a0345 123 2399ble to point you in the right direction...consider myself fortunate so far...type 2...only a relatively small does of Metformin...no idea how I would cope with insulin...injections...the rigidity of the regime...try the helpline...give DUK a call...a link at the top of the page... there may be resources outside your local NHS services (or the lack of them) available to you & your family...keep us updated...best of luck.

Number for DUK 0345 123 2399.

 

[MrsK13]

Thanks Bubbsie. Definitely a blase attitude, he thinks he's invincible. Twice he's reluctantly agreed to see the physiologist (& I think this is a great idea to get to the root cause of his denial) yet he's still waiting on an appt as they 'forget' to refer him. We are fortunate where we live that we can have access to two regional NHS services so I may try to get him referred to the other to see if they can be more involved as the other is clearly under-resourced. I will call the helpline too, can't hurt. I'm ill myself worrying about him, our wee girl & the future.

 

[Bubbsie]

Thanks Bubbsie. Definitely a blase attitude, he thinks he's invincible. Twice he's reluctantly agreed to see the physiologist (& I think this is a great idea to get to the root cause of his denial) yet he's still waiting on an appt as they 'forget' to refer him. We are fortunate where we live that we can have access to two regional NHS services so I may try to get him referred to the other to see if they can be more involved as the other is clearly under-resourced. I will call the helpline too, can't hurt. I'm ill myself worrying about him, our wee girl & the future.

Heart breaking to hear his did not respond to your daughter asking him to take the medicine...but...while I'm no expert on these issues...no doubt he loves his daughter dearly...possibly that indicates he has a deep rooted problem...could that be depression?...again at the risk of sounding like a broken record...never suffered from depression...but I understand from other members on the forum it can be symptomatic of diabetes...for those outside the diabetic world it sounds so easy...take the pills...do the injection...eat the right food...exercise...not that simple is it?...I cannot claim my circumstances are at all analogous to your husbands... in any sense of the word...however I found it hard to accept the complete change in my life...the fact that it is a lifelong condition rattled me...however...as said my management is relatively easy for me...ironically a lot of my diabetes has had a positive effect...looking after myself better than I have done for years...adjusted my diet...more active...things I could do relatively easily...while trying to get him the help he needs...make sure you look after yourself...sounds as if it weren't for you pushing...he'd be absolutely on his own...despite the lack of a solution...you're doing well...all you can...there is support here...even if it's only 'getting it off your chest' (there's a lot of clichés in diabetes world...apologies)..please let us know how you fare.

 

[Bill Stewardson]

Hello and welcome to you.