Hi, my son just turned 16 was diagnosed 11 months ago. At 1st he was great eating healthy, checking bloods etc. He rarely checks bloods, doesn't carb count, eats rubbish won't tell us his bloods at all, inc when hypo. I told his consultant all this last week to be told he will be see on his own in future! I was made to look like an interfering old bag!He has now took this as a green light to do what he wants when he wants - I have text his dsn twice to raise my concerns and she han't replied. Help i am at the end of my tether
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Teenager rebelling
- Thread starter scarey
- Start date
- Status
novorapidboi26
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
My sympathies go out to you............
I was 15 when diagnosed and so I did some rebelling, or not really rebelling, but had a very relaxed attitude to my diabetes......
I think all you can do personally is keep nagging him, just show you care.......trying to force the issue might backfire.......it is true though, he will eventually see that it needs to be controlled.
There are so many things going on at that age its really quite easy for the diabetes to take the back seat.......
Hopefully some other parents may have some recent experiences that can help you......
I was 15 when diagnosed and so I did some rebelling, or not really rebelling, but had a very relaxed attitude to my diabetes......
I think all you can do personally is keep nagging him, just show you care.......trying to force the issue might backfire.......it is true though, he will eventually see that it needs to be controlled.
There are so many things going on at that age its really quite easy for the diabetes to take the back seat.......
Hopefully some other parents may have some recent experiences that can help you......
AlisonM
Much missed Moderator
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1.5 LADA
He's a big boy now and, at 16 he is deemed old enough legally, to make decisions about his care for himself so there's not a lot you can do on that score. Nagging him won't work either I'm sure, it will probably just make him worse. He's likely resenting the diabetes too, and wanting to pretend it's not happening, short-sighted perhaps but understandable. We all get times like that when we just want to ignore it.
Hopefully, when his next HbA results come in and the consultant or DSN discuss them with him, he will wake up and start taking better care of himself. Until then I think, all you can do is be patient and wait him out.
Hopefully, when his next HbA results come in and the consultant or DSN discuss them with him, he will wake up and start taking better care of himself. Until then I think, all you can do is be patient and wait him out.
Kids ! Whoed ave em ! Really sorry you are in this predickament. I think everyone wants to rebel at times. There is prob only you & son who can sort. 16 is a handful by itself never mind the "D". Really good luck & ask away if you need to 🙂
Ah yes, the caring, sharing health service, go away and stop being a nuisance. It's a joke. Part of their remit is to offer support and guidance to the family. As the mother, you have afterall, parental responsibility. However, as he is now 16, they don't need your permission to treat him.
It is probably the case that they think your anxiety is making the situation worse but, if that is the case, they really ought to discuss it with you.
Have a look at this publication, Consent – what you have a right to expect
A guide for parents
Note the bit: "It’s always important to keep discussing things, so that eventually
agreement can be reached" so shutting you out would not look good for the Consultant or the DSN. The Consultant is entitled to see your son independently but, you have a right to discuss the matter also independently, with the Consultant. It is his decision to make this take twice as long as it should, not yours. One could argue that you would be failing in your legal duty as a parent if you were to ignore what the prescribed treatment was and how would you be expected to know what food to put on the table if the health professionals refused to communicate with you?
It is probably the case that they think your anxiety is making the situation worse but, if that is the case, they really ought to discuss it with you.
Have a look at this publication, Consent – what you have a right to expect
A guide for parents
Note the bit: "It’s always important to keep discussing things, so that eventually
agreement can be reached" so shutting you out would not look good for the Consultant or the DSN. The Consultant is entitled to see your son independently but, you have a right to discuss the matter also independently, with the Consultant. It is his decision to make this take twice as long as it should, not yours. One could argue that you would be failing in your legal duty as a parent if you were to ignore what the prescribed treatment was and how would you be expected to know what food to put on the table if the health professionals refused to communicate with you?
I know he is old enough by law to look after himself, but I know him better than anyone else and I know he is not capable of looking after his diabetes without my input. He is not a mature 16 year old and surely 11 months in is not time enough for the consultant to be telling me to mind my own business!
novorapidboi26
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
I was diagnosed at 15 and took on the condition straight away by myself, however, I had grown up with it all my life with my wee brother......
So it is possible, but you know best, hes your boy, stick with it, he himself wont be able to keep up with an 100% effort with his diabetes even when hes a middle aged man, its all a learning curve, for you both, there will be good times of control, and bad....🙂
Hi Scarey,
I do understand where your coming from and completely understand why you feel you want to be part of clinic appointments - he is your child and you want the best for him - like any mother/father wants. However - I think its reasonable to some extent that clinic want him there on his own - at 16 you dont always want to talk freely in front of a parent and this might give him the space to explain how he feels. Clinics arent stupid - they have heard it all before and nothing will shock them - they will have your sons best interests at heart if they are a good team. My son (15) has recently started going in on his own - he didnt want to but both myself and the team felt it important that he has privacy and is a good foundation for moving onto adult clinic.
There is nothing to stop you emailing the team before clinic to give them a more realistic picture of how things are in terms of diabetes care and if you have worries/concerns maybe you could ask for 5 minutes before/after your son has been in for his appointment. It is really difficult letting them grow up and more so when they have Type 1 - and 11 months in is very early days so do understand your concerns. Does your son want to go in on his own?🙂Bev
trophywench
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
I'm not a boy, but personally I couldn't WAIT to be deemed old enough to go to the doctors on my own.
But there again I didn't have diabetes - but I know if I had, my mother wouldn't have let me, and things would have been agreed - whether it suited me or not.
He HAS to take ownership of his diabetes, and that is very very hard, however old you are unless you are already a control freak for some other reason. But, the sooner the better really.
Juvenile D clinics often have a psychologist on tap, they may succeed where mum can't - they are as used to dealing with terrible teens, as they are with terrible twos, and there ain't that much difference really other than size and vocabulary .....
But there again I didn't have diabetes - but I know if I had, my mother wouldn't have let me, and things would have been agreed - whether it suited me or not.
He HAS to take ownership of his diabetes, and that is very very hard, however old you are unless you are already a control freak for some other reason. But, the sooner the better really.
Juvenile D clinics often have a psychologist on tap, they may succeed where mum can't - they are as used to dealing with terrible teens, as they are with terrible twos, and there ain't that much difference really other than size and vocabulary .....
fencesitter
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Parent of person with diabetes
Hi Scarey
Tricky isn't it. My 16 year-old has also been going in by himself recently but he already has a couple of years with diabetes under his belt. Try to catch your son when he's feeling receptive and have a low key chat about your concerns, easier said than done I know. My son is not testing much at the moment. He does take his insulin, and so far his HbA1c has been really good, but I do point out occasionally that it might be an idea if he knows where his sugars are. He reckons he can feel it, and tests when he needs to - mostly that seems to be true, so I am not pushing it at the moment.
In the end they have to take responsibility, but I agree that 11 months isn't very long. Keep the lines of communication open as much as you can. My son is away at school during the week so we have a long chat in the car every Friday, love the car for that, feels un-confrontational. I usually ask him how he's been well into the conversation, and mostly he chooses not to go into detail, but sometimes he talks about diabetes with me and I try to use the time well to share some ideas. I try to make it a 2-way thing so he doesn't think he's getting a lecture, asking him what he thinks about ideas for managing things. Minefield with teenagers at the best of times.
Good luck. I agree that his team should be talking to you too, even if not at the same time as with your son. William's team asks me to come in at the end of the session which I'm very grateful for, but he goes to the adult clinic shortly so then I won't be involved.
I think the main message for our kids is 'knowledge is power'.
Best wishes
Catherine
Tricky isn't it. My 16 year-old has also been going in by himself recently but he already has a couple of years with diabetes under his belt. Try to catch your son when he's feeling receptive and have a low key chat about your concerns, easier said than done I know. My son is not testing much at the moment. He does take his insulin, and so far his HbA1c has been really good, but I do point out occasionally that it might be an idea if he knows where his sugars are. He reckons he can feel it, and tests when he needs to - mostly that seems to be true, so I am not pushing it at the moment.
In the end they have to take responsibility, but I agree that 11 months isn't very long. Keep the lines of communication open as much as you can. My son is away at school during the week so we have a long chat in the car every Friday, love the car for that, feels un-confrontational. I usually ask him how he's been well into the conversation, and mostly he chooses not to go into detail, but sometimes he talks about diabetes with me and I try to use the time well to share some ideas. I try to make it a 2-way thing so he doesn't think he's getting a lecture, asking him what he thinks about ideas for managing things. Minefield with teenagers at the best of times.
Good luck. I agree that his team should be talking to you too, even if not at the same time as with your son. William's team asks me to come in at the end of the session which I'm very grateful for, but he goes to the adult clinic shortly so then I won't be involved.
I think the main message for our kids is 'knowledge is power'.
Best wishes
Catherine
Hi Scarey
I am still lurking here, I just don't post much. I'm afraid I am of no use whatsoever. I have been through exactly the same thing with my lad and two years down the road nothing is changing really. I just despair over it.
My lad is now 18 (diagnosed just before his 16th birthday) so in the eyes of the law an adult. However, he lives at home, so I still feel I need to have some information about his current regime or what would I do in an emergency? I would be unable to tell a paramedic for example what dose he is on, or what time he last had any insulin. I have absolutely no idea now and I feel that's not right. He doesn't inject at set times anyway, he leads a very erratic life, working odd hours, sleeping odd hours, no two days are the same.
We were cut out of his consultations some time ago. He won't talk about it. In the early days though, there is so much to learn, and I felt we needed educating more too, but I have to say I learnt so much from here, not from our team. So many people sound like their children have near perfect control which makes me feel even worse. I think it's a different ball game when this hits a person between maybe 14-25 though as opposed to growing up with it, as of course they can be independent with it all and don't want mum sticking her nose in all the time and can't see that we still have a massive desire to protect and help them and we need to know what to do for a severe hypo for example. I have only tested and injected my son when he was out of his tree on alcohol one night and ended up calling an ambulance when his readings went off the top of the scale. Could I have managed things better than dialling 999? Maybe with more education I could have, but never had a chance to discuss that. I don't even have contact details for any of his team anymore. He has recently moved from transition into adult care so I don't even know his consultants name. With the children's service we had 24 hour contact details (which we used a couple of times) but now we have absolutely nothing. I feel our safety net has been whipped away.
I backed off some time ago as people were telling me to let him get on with it and face the consequences. To this day I feel that I will be the one to pick up the pieces when something bad does happen to him and I will feel guilty about it for the rest of my life, but feel helpless to do anything. One thing I have found recently though is that his mood swings DEFINITELY relate to his high sugars. He had a brief spell of testing a few weeks ago (he goes weeks and weeks without testing) and he had been in a foul mood for weeks and his readings were all in the teens. A fortnight later he was a different person. I found he had done a few more tests, most were under 8 and he was lovely, my old son. It didn't last for long though.
So I am in the position that I don't even know what doses he is on at the moment (he has gone onto twice daily fixed doses of mixed insulin as he simply wasn't injecting half the time on MDI). He still eats what he wants, when he wants, at times vast quantities of sweets/biscuits/cakes, and this last week he was apparently introduced to 'energy drinks' by someone at work. Great! I just hope that one day he will 'see the light' but goodness knows when that will be.
It's not that I don't care anymore, I just don't know what to do, so essentially I suppose I am just letting him get on with it. I still order all his prescription stuff so that I know there are no issues there, I keep a stock of dextrose in, I still sleep with an ear half open, but if I dare to mention anything at all to do with diabetes I get my head snapped off, so I don't.
So sorry, it's a doom and gloom post, but just hang on in there. Nagging my son just destroyed the close relationship we once had, he now resents me, but I will still be by his side whenever he needs me. I just have to keep quiet and observe. If you find the answer, please share it with me
Good luck.
Tina
I am still lurking here, I just don't post much. I'm afraid I am of no use whatsoever. I have been through exactly the same thing with my lad and two years down the road nothing is changing really. I just despair over it.
My lad is now 18 (diagnosed just before his 16th birthday) so in the eyes of the law an adult. However, he lives at home, so I still feel I need to have some information about his current regime or what would I do in an emergency? I would be unable to tell a paramedic for example what dose he is on, or what time he last had any insulin. I have absolutely no idea now and I feel that's not right. He doesn't inject at set times anyway, he leads a very erratic life, working odd hours, sleeping odd hours, no two days are the same.
We were cut out of his consultations some time ago. He won't talk about it. In the early days though, there is so much to learn, and I felt we needed educating more too, but I have to say I learnt so much from here, not from our team. So many people sound like their children have near perfect control which makes me feel even worse. I think it's a different ball game when this hits a person between maybe 14-25 though as opposed to growing up with it, as of course they can be independent with it all and don't want mum sticking her nose in all the time and can't see that we still have a massive desire to protect and help them and we need to know what to do for a severe hypo for example. I have only tested and injected my son when he was out of his tree on alcohol one night and ended up calling an ambulance when his readings went off the top of the scale. Could I have managed things better than dialling 999? Maybe with more education I could have, but never had a chance to discuss that. I don't even have contact details for any of his team anymore. He has recently moved from transition into adult care so I don't even know his consultants name. With the children's service we had 24 hour contact details (which we used a couple of times) but now we have absolutely nothing. I feel our safety net has been whipped away.
I backed off some time ago as people were telling me to let him get on with it and face the consequences. To this day I feel that I will be the one to pick up the pieces when something bad does happen to him and I will feel guilty about it for the rest of my life, but feel helpless to do anything. One thing I have found recently though is that his mood swings DEFINITELY relate to his high sugars. He had a brief spell of testing a few weeks ago (he goes weeks and weeks without testing) and he had been in a foul mood for weeks and his readings were all in the teens. A fortnight later he was a different person. I found he had done a few more tests, most were under 8 and he was lovely, my old son. It didn't last for long though.
So I am in the position that I don't even know what doses he is on at the moment (he has gone onto twice daily fixed doses of mixed insulin as he simply wasn't injecting half the time on MDI). He still eats what he wants, when he wants, at times vast quantities of sweets/biscuits/cakes, and this last week he was apparently introduced to 'energy drinks' by someone at work. Great! I just hope that one day he will 'see the light' but goodness knows when that will be.
It's not that I don't care anymore, I just don't know what to do, so essentially I suppose I am just letting him get on with it. I still order all his prescription stuff so that I know there are no issues there, I keep a stock of dextrose in, I still sleep with an ear half open, but if I dare to mention anything at all to do with diabetes I get my head snapped off, so I don't.
So sorry, it's a doom and gloom post, but just hang on in there. Nagging my son just destroyed the close relationship we once had, he now resents me, but I will still be by his side whenever he needs me. I just have to keep quiet and observe. If you find the answer, please share it with me
Good luck.
Tina
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