Letter from hospital at last

[Tina63]

We eventually received the letter from the hospital following my son's consultation 2 weeks ago (it normally arrives within 7 days). I knew I would find out more from this than he was prepared to tell us.

1. They did discuss all the possible complications with him at some length. He claims to have had a shift in attitude recently and realises that side effects are just around the corner rather than a long way in the future.

2. He was offered a session there and then with the psychologist - he declined - no surprise there then!

3. He agreed to do more blood sugar tests (!)

4. His next clinic is in 4 weeks (2 weeks now) - and he understands that if things haven't improved by then he will need a period of inpatient admission to sort things out.

I am still to weekly send his DSN his BG results - this week we only had 4, 3 morning and one bedtime, no back to back results to show the effects of his Lantus overnight, but his DSN has upped that by 2u from last night as his waking levels at best have been 8.7, most have been 11 and above. I told my son there was an email from her, he wasn't interested, so I told him she had instructed him to up his Lantus by 2u, he just said "No thank you" and walked off! So did he, or didn't he? I don't know. Probably. He likes to sound off at me, but does generally get on with it.

Last week I kept an eye on his pen levels every day and Monday to Friday he seemed to be injecting regularly. Friday evening he went out with a group though, to eat as well as the cinema, and I am pretty certain he skipped his Humilin S. Having a busy weekend myself I didn't keep such a close eye on things for a couple of days, but was aware his Humilin S pen was pretty empty on Friday. I also suspect he skipped it again Saturday (tea-time dose), and possibly Sunday too, though he actually injected his morning Humilin M3 in front of his dad on Sunday morning so we know he had that. He did put a new cartridge in his pen yesterday, so seems to have got back on track with that again.

He reported having a hypo at work on Sunday, though of course won't carry his meter so had no idea of levels, just ate the 4 last dextrose tablets he had left in his bag and got over it ok - lucky there then. He didn't tell anyone, just dealt with it. I did put a new pack of dextrose tablets in his bag when he told me and he knows where the spare packs are kept so can help himself to more at any time.

So there it is, a bit all over the place as usual. I am causing more friction again by regularly pestering him to test, but it's not easy when his DSN is expecting figures on a weekly basis. I know the minute we stop doing that, he will stop testing again so I feel I need to keep reminding him, but it is causing a lot of tension between him and I. I really am the bad guy. I don't know, do I carry on pestering or just leave him to get on with it? The thought of them admitting him in 2 weeks time is just not convenient. I know, it never is, but he will still have 2 exams that week, and for my husband and I personally the following week is a very special week with all sorts of plans (silver wedding anniversary) so the thought of him being admitted then is just awful. Selfish I may sound, but we have plans we made some time ago, and it's a once in a lifetime occasion, so I would be very torn if he ended up being taken in then.

Life is never straightforward is it.......!

 

[Twitchy]

Hi Tina, what a tough time for you!

To be brutally honest, it is starting to sound to me like he really needs some inpatient time - if only to get him into a routine, help him experience & address hypos in a safe place etc etc. exams can be retaken but the longer he goes on like this the more damage he's doing to himself. i don't know what you've git planned for that time, but hard as it sounds - crack on! Maybe it would be good for him to have to face up to the D without you there to do things for him or be a whipping boy!! And by the sounds of it you need / deserve some downtime from trying to be his nurse. 🙂 The D is something he is going to have to come to terms with himself, or he will always be living less of a live than he could be - and that will include exams, relationshia etc. So if the shock of being admitted in a couple of weeks time kicks him bum into gear, it might be the best thing that could happen. (not that it'll be any easier for you though, bless you!) (((((hugs!)))))

 

[Pumper_Sue]

Hi Tina,
I agree with Twitchy 100%

Your son is using you to keep him out of hospital. Please do not shield him he has to take the responsibility for his own actions or lack of them.

As to being inconvienient him being hospital why? He got himself in the mess he sorts it out. There's no law that says you must visit him.

You have made plans for your silver wedding anniversary (Many congratulations) then stick to them. Just leave son out of any of the plans if he was included in the first place.
He will be safe in the hospital so you do not then have to worry about him.
Obviously you will worry all Mum's do but he is under supervission 24/7.

If he were my son I would want him in hospital for his own well being. So try hard not to stick up for him. (((((((hugs))))))

Bottom line is you are not doing him any favours by letting letting him walk all over you.

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

Thanks for the update Tina.

What I hope for, with all my heart, is a change in your son's perception of the 'sides'. You are not the bad guy here. Nor is his DSN, GP or clinic. I wish he could see that he HAS got diabetes. Accept that it is not going away. Realise that it needs to be fought against and wrestled with and understand that he is not alone in the fight. He has committed loving supportive people standing by him. Battling with him. It's not you against him - it's him, you and the DSN against the D.

Many congrats on your silver wedding too 🙂

 

[Tina63]

Thanks everyone, I wholeheartedly agree with what everyone has said, it will just ruin our silver wedding for me if I know he is in hospital. I won't be able to relax and enjoy myself, I know my heart will be with him.

This morning he came down and asked if I could do his breakfast (yes, I know I do too much for him!) as he askeed for croissants as it's exam time and I gave him choice, so I said yes I would if he went and tested his levels. Bang! That was it, he went ballistic at me. Told me he can't wait to leave home etc etc! I do understand I get up his nose all the time, and I did try and say in my own defence that I am only trying to help him and that without reminding he doesnt test, but he was fuming. He stormed off - only to come back 5 mins later to see if his breakfast was ready!

He has talked calmly to me since then, about non related things, but I have decided this is it, I am REALLY REALLY going to try and not mention it again to him, just see if he does it on his own. He does have to face up to it sometime soon, and he will have to get himself out of any mess he gets into. I feel I have had enough of it with him.

Tina

PS Don't go worrying about me, I am a calm, chilled invidual and am cross with him, but no more than that!

 

[Dizzydi]

Hi Tina, I've been following all your posts re your son. I agree with the others it probably is time for some inpatient time. Harsh I know but it could well then be the turning point for him.

You need your time as well, otherwise you could well make yourself ill.

I sincerely hope you're son finally comes to his senses.

Make sure you stick to your special plans..... You more than deserve it xxx

 

[fencesitter]

So hard for you all Agree with everything said here, but it's such a shame about the timing. Maybe if your son is admitted, he could come out for important things like exams and your silver wedding celebration (assuming you're not disappearing off for a second honeymoon!)? ((((((Tina))))))

 

[Pumper_Sue]

If Tina's son is in hospital, he can sit the exam in the hospital. Or they will mark him on his course work if to unwell to sit the exam. 🙂

 

[lucy123]

HI Tina,

I have a son like you but mine is 24 and not diabetic.
I think the problem is both our sons know how much we love them - and that seems to give them permission to fire off at us when we are trying to help.

My son has had a bit of a sad time for the last 6 months and I have taken all of the firing off. His dad seems to be the hero!

So, for the last 6 weeks, I have been taking deep breaths, not saying anything when I need to, and just letting him carry on - but when he went too far stopping him and telling him I find his actions rude!

I think we are finally getting there - I have even had hugs lately!!

It was hard to step out of helping him but I realised it had to be done. It wasn't easy but looking at how things are now we seem to be getting there.
He is again looking for somewhere to live, but rather than shutting me out he is talking it over with me, which is nice. Your son says he wants to leave home, but really can he afford it?

I do know how you feel - although not diabetes related, and my heart goes out to you - its so hard being a mum at times.

I do think that already though you have done enough that in years to come he will look back and think highly of you. He is too wrapped up in his tantrums to think that way at the moment.

So - hard as it may be, step back, even if he tries to talk to you about his diabetes, don't ignore him, but act cool, as if its not your problem. That way he can't shout and eventually he will learn to grow up just that little bit more to realise the responsibility is his.

Good luck with it all - deep breaths - and definitely enjoy your anniversary - you only get one silver one - you will have many chances in the future to think about your son - take one day for yourself.🙂

 

[lauraw1983]

Oh I really feel for you so much reading your posts. (((hugs))) It must be incredibly hard, 16 is such a hard age anyway but with this added in it must be even worse.

I wish I knew what to advise but you know him best and I am sure you are handling this the right way. I think though in order for him to realise the severity of this situation that you are going to need to take a step back, and let him face the entire consequences in a couple of weeks. Be that alone or not. You don't deserve him to "blow up at you" about his breakfast etc - diabetes or not!!

What bad timing though re; exams and your anniversary. Would they consider leaving it another couple of weeks beyond that date instead? I know 100% what you mean about not being able to relax and enjoy yourself if he was in hospital anyway.

Argh, teenagers eh!!!!

 

[Tina63]

Thank you again everyone. You don't know how good it is to feel I have someone 'on my side' over all this. I really don't mean to be in his face all the time, I just want to avoid any problems for him in the future. I keep feeling and did tell him this morning, that if he did do as he was meant to and test regularly and try and get things under control I really wouldn't feel the need to keep asking him every few hours if he had tested.

Interestingly, after blowing up at me this morning, he did go up and test and was 8.3. Though high, that's the best he has been on waking in a long, long time, so hopefully things are going in the right direction.

I really mean what I said though and am going to keep my mouth zipped, though I will still check his meter and pens when he is at school just to see what's going on. At least then if he does end up being admitted, well it really will be all his own fault. He knows the score and he knows what he has to do to avoid it.

One day there will be a breakthough hopefully, but I just don't want to lose the relationship I used to have with my son in the meantime.

Thank you all again for your kind words and support.

Tina

 

[pippin]

Tina I can't help but just wanted to offer my support for the way you are coping with this situation. Your posts are so detailed and helpful I can clearly see you care but it's so difficult with the way your son is behaving and treats you as his mum. My thoughts are with you and I hope you can enjoy your weddding anniversary. If only your son would realise how much his actions are affecting the whole family. You are a dedicated mum x

 

[lucy123]

You wont lose the relationship Tina - think of it as him taking a short diversion! 🙂

 

[Twitchy]

Tina - just wanted to say you sound like a lovely mum...one day hopefully when he's got his head around all this your son will realise that & you'll get a big apology for all the aggro! Hang on in there. Xxx

 

[Newtothis]

Hi Tina, is there anyone your son can speak to re his condition; I don't mean a professional but someone his own age... You're son sounds like a typical teenage lad (I know what that is - I'm a mother to an 18 year old who is going on 30 and often tells me he knows it all....🙄) and from the sounds of it just wants to do what teenage boys do but has the added pressure of having to monitor a condition he didn't ask for and is finding it hard to accept.

You're doing a brilliant job - carry on doing what you're doing because deep down he does appreciate it...you're his mother; his best friend and he loves you; he may sound off; shout, huff and puff but he knows you have his best interests at heart....

Take care - throwing you and your son a big hug {{{}}} xx

 

[Tina63]

Hi Tina, is there anyone your son can speak to re his condition; I don't mean a professional but someone his own age... You're son sounds like a typical teenage lad (I know what that is - I'm a mother to an 18 year old who is going on 30 and often tells me he knows it all....🙄) and from the sounds of it just wants to do what teenage boys do but has the added pressure of having to monitor a condition he didn't ask for and is finding it hard to accept.

Hi Amanda

He is so private about it all he only has one close friend who knows properly about it. I don't know whether they talk, and I never have the opportunity to see this friend on his own to ask him. I don't even have his phone number and my son would go mad if he found out I had talked to his friend.

He did come in from school late yesterday (I will admit I just had a few minutes of thinking is he trying to put the wind up me after saying he couldn't wait to leave home, but I resisted the urge to text him and suddenly he texted at 4 asking if anyone could collect him at 4.30 - phew!) and was sweetness and light! Was he maybe feeling a bit guilty about the morning explosion? I do hope so - a little anyway!

I stayed true to my word and didn't mention anything diabetes related and I won't this morning. It will just be interesting to see if he tests of his own accord. I have also hidden all the surplus lunchbox junk food (crisps, cereal bars) so he could only nibble on fruit. I know that's not ideal for a diabetic but I figure it must be better than half the stuff he normally eats in the evenings, and given that his mood continued so nice all evening, I am hopeful it is a sign his levels are coming down and he feels more human!

As well as being a 17 year old hormonal teenager who knows it all, he is also genetically pre-disposed to being volatile, his dad, grandad and uncle all have explosive tempers, whereas I am calm and laid back, so I guess I have the double whammy with him there! I am just so relieved he was so nice last night as we have had a rough few weeks with him, obviously me getting too involved again has driven him up the wall, which I can see, but as he won't ever let us discuss it fully to put across my side as well as his, we never seem to get to the bottom of things. His dad has never seemed to want to get involved, he just keeps telling me to back off and let him take the consequences. Maybe he's right, but I always feel I have no support and he is being way too harsh. Don't get me wrong, I realise it has to come from my son to want to change and to do things as he should and he will end up learning the hard way, but I have always seen my role as his mother to protect him and that's all I have been trying to do. We do give him full independence and he stays away overnight sometimes, and we have weekends away without him, so we don't stifle him, if I have ever given that impression.

He has asked his sister if he can stay with her at half term (she is at uni on the coast) so that's great if it can be arranged. I am totally happy about putting him on a train down there and she will meet him the other end, but I just wonder if they have really thought it through as she will be out on placement for 2 whole days, 9 hours a time, so he will be left in a house with 2 strangers and nothing to do, so is it really all he hopes it will be? Unless he just goes for 48 hours. She also does voluntary work on a 3rd day, though maybe she could excuse herself from that if he does go. It would do both of them the world of good if he goes, they get on brilliantly, though she can't get through to him any more than me, but I know she will at least keep an eye on him.

Oh well, it's a whole new day today, so let's see what the day holds in store. He has two exams today, but he only ever gets stressed immediately before they enter the hall, so it won't affect his mood first thing. I am hoping he has tested and am really interested to see if he has, as he is meant to have upped his Lantus 2u 2 days ago. Yesterday he had his best waking level in ages, so keen to see a good figure again. Fingers crossed!

Tina

 

[Pumper_Sue]

He did come in from school late yesterday (I will admit I just had a few minutes of thinking is he trying to put the wind up me after saying he couldn't wait to leave home, but I resisted the urge to text him and suddenly he texted at 4 asking if anyone could collect him at 4.30 - phew!) and was sweetness and light! Was he maybe feeling a bit guilty about the morning explosion? I do hope so - a little anyway!

Hi Tina,
what your son is doing is infact using and abusing you
It seems he can be nice when he wants something ie a taxi service.
His temper towards you is not acceptable under any circumstances. Does he do this to other people?

Personally I would tell your son no it's not convienient to pick him up from school. He either walks or finds other transport home. If he walks this will bring his blood sugars down nicely 🙂

 

[Newtothis]

Hi Amanda

He is so private about it all he only has one close friend who knows properly about it. I don't know whether they talk, and I never have the opportunity to see this friend on his own to ask him. I don't even have his phone number and my son would go mad if he found out I had talked to his friend.

He did come in from school late yesterday (I will admit I just had a few minutes of thinking is he trying to put the wind up me after saying he couldn't wait to leave home, but I resisted the urge to text him and suddenly he texted at 4 asking if anyone could collect him at 4.30 - phew!) and was sweetness and light! Was he maybe feeling a bit guilty about the morning explosion? I do hope so - a little anyway!

I stayed true to my word and didn't mention anything diabetes related and I won't this morning. It will just be interesting to see if he tests of his own accord. I have also hidden all the surplus lunchbox junk food (crisps, cereal bars) so he could only nibble on fruit. I know that's not ideal for a diabetic but I figure it must be better than half the stuff he normally eats in the evenings, and given that his mood continued so nice all evening, I am hopeful it is a sign his levels are coming down and he feels more human!

As well as being a 17 year old hormonal teenager who knows it all, he is also genetically pre-disposed to being volatile, his dad, grandad and uncle all have explosive tempers, whereas I am calm and laid back, so I guess I have the double whammy with him there! I am just so relieved he was so nice last night as we have had a rough few weeks with him, obviously me getting too involved again has driven him up the wall, which I can see, but as he won't ever let us discuss it fully to put across my side as well as his, we never seem to get to the bottom of things. His dad has never seemed to want to get involved, he just keeps telling me to back off and let him take the consequences. Maybe he's right, but I always feel I have no support and he is being way too harsh. Don't get me wrong, I realise it has to come from my son to want to change and to do things as he should and he will end up learning the hard way, but I have always seen my role as his mother to protect him and that's all I have been trying to do. We do give him full independence and he stays away overnight sometimes, and we have weekends away without him, so we don't stifle him, if I have ever given that impression.

He has asked his sister if he can stay with her at half term (she is at uni on the coast) so that's great if it can be arranged. I am totally happy about putting him on a train down there and she will meet him the other end, but I just wonder if they have really thought it through as she will be out on placement for 2 whole days, 9 hours a time, so he will be left in a house with 2 strangers and nothing to do, so is it really all he hopes it will be? Unless he just goes for 48 hours. She also does voluntary work on a 3rd day, though maybe she could excuse herself from that if he does go. It would do both of them the world of good if he goes, they get on brilliantly, though she can't get through to him any more than me, but I know she will at least keep an eye on him.

Oh well, it's a whole new day today, so let's see what the day holds in store. He has two exams today, but he only ever gets stressed immediately before they enter the hall, so it won't affect his mood first thing. I am hoping he has tested and am really interested to see if he has, as he is meant to have upped his Lantus 2u 2 days ago. Yesterday he had his best waking level in ages, so keen to see a good figure again. Fingers crossed!

Tina

I wonder if he wants to stay with his sister because he wants to talk or escape from his condition; if you feel you need to take a step back, have you thought about writing down how you feel and your hopes and aspirations for him - possibly in a letter or a card; I've done this with my son - this way he knows how you feel but doesn't have to respond unless he wants too. I can't imagine how difficult this is for both of you; and even more so when you feel you're doing it all alone but you're doing a great job.

I'm here if you ever want to chat.... 🙂

 

[Kim23]

Hi Tina,

As a young diabetic myself I went through exactly same phase when I was 17/18 and so did my diabetic brother. How long has your son been diagnosed? I was diagnosed at 5yrs old and when I hit late teens I just felt I had had enough of the condition and I stopped doing my injections and bm's. Mum and dad doing anything about my diabetes made me get more and more distant from them but when I was threatened with even a date to be taken into hospital for a 2 weeks stay that made me sit back and realise what I had been doing and I could of developed DKA. I have had a dear friend sadly lose her life from DKA so this scared the hell out of me. I always knew deep down that my parents were trying to help and protect me but constantly it being there just wound me up.

My consultant at the time when I realised I needed to do something about it was so lovely and actually asked me 'what do you want to do about it?' not the 'YOUR doing to do THIS and YOUR going to do THAT' typical sayings from health professionals.

Just give him time and space and eventually he will realise and maybe even come to you for the help. If you even want him to maybe talk to my brother (we are both 24 now) then I am more than happy to give you his email address.

Hang in there (>'.')>

Kim x

 

[Tina63]

if you feel you need to take a step back, have you thought about writing down how you feel and your hopes and aspirations for him - possibly in a letter or a card; I've done this with my son - this way he knows how you feel but doesn't have to respond unless he wants too.

Hi Amanda

I have to say I have thought many a time of writing to him as that way I can get my point across without being shouted over. I will do it, I just need to find some quiet time to think what I want to say, but I agree, I think it would be a good idea. I want to get across that I have only ever wanted to work with him, not against him. That I love him so very much and just want to keep him safe, healthy and happy.

I haven't said a word about D since our heated exchange Tuesday morning and he has been lovely, but of course hasn't tested since then. It really does seem to be testing & anger -v- no testing and harmony. At the moment I am preferring the second option. I don't have a clue whether he did up his Lantus as instructed, his response when I told him the DSN's advice was negative, but that may have just been hot air, I really don't know. I may just chance mentioning it Sunday night when I need to email his DSN again. I will be completely honest with her too and tell her what has gone on this week and why I have backed off.

It's less than 2 weeks until his next HbA1c, so we will get some indication then of how things are really going.

Thank you for your continued support and kind words.

Tina