An update - scared =[

[SilentAssassin1642]

So I've just gotten back from the doctors. Consensus is I am ok to go back to work (but tomorrow, given I missed most of the day according to the doc, bless her!)

She has said the following:

It's not an infection that's causing my toilet issues as the anti biotics would have worked if it was. She has referred me on to get a bladder/kidney ultrasound incase its something else - I could see her mind ticking away and she wants to make sure its not something diabetes complications wise. It *may* be and that frightens me silly. 23 with a form of autonomic nueropathy is not really something I want to hear but at least this ultra sound thingy should get me some answers. She did advise me to drink cranberry juice (mmmmm, 100 mls works out as about 11g carbs so thats cool, and I love cranberry juice) just incase there may be a teeny water infection there still :/

Blood pressure still way too high. Can't remember the numbers but she said it was too high even for white coat syndrome 🙄😱 so she's upped my ramirpril to 2.5mg per day and I have to go back in 2 weeks for another BP test.

Another renal blood test, cholesterol and hba1c next thursday - fasting. She wants to check the whole protein thing going on there as she said it may be pointing towards early damage. Another worry for me there then =[

Not gonna lie, I am utterly terrified. Going for this test at the hospital is really scary - what if it is nueropathy? what if its something else? I'm almost in tears thinking about it =[ And as for the whole protein, kidney damage thing that's scary enough too. But she said the blood pressure meds should help that (and I need to learn to de-stress...and go from my cut down smoke intake to zero as soon as poss...)

 

[Northerner]

Sorry to hear they haven't got to the bottom of it Sam, and that there are more tests in the offing Remember that, if it is diabetes related kidney disease it's a bit like retinopathy where there are several stages it needs to go through and the early stages respond very well to treatment (possibly just by increasing the dose of your pills, or combining with another.

I hope that you can get a definitive answer soon so at least you know what you are dealing with. Even better, I hope the cranberry juice does the trick before you need to go any further! Take care and try and find a good book to take your mind off it for a while 🙂 {{{Sam}}}

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

Hope the tests clear up what is going on - at least you'll know what's what then and can crack on. You must be driving yourself nuts with the worry and uncertainty of it all.

Obviously hoping that it turns out to be something easily treatable too. Fingers crossed for you.

M

 

[teapot8910]

Hope they come back to you soon Sam, and that they can help you.

Please let us know how you get on. Thinking of you and fingers crossed x

 

[Twitchy]

Hi Sam,

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through the mill like this, no wonder you're feeling stressed! I hope this gives you some comfort; similarly to what Northerner said, when I was in hospital with severe pre eclampsia I was passing protein like a seive (even craving proteiny foods like chicken, cheese, egg etc!) i was worrying like mad about the state of my kidneys as nobody knew if it was the physical strain of pregnancy or complications... anyway, the doc was really reassuring, saying that whichever the cause of the damage there are various medications you can have even with very significant losses of kidney function that will keep things going along fine - it's not a case of kidney damage automatically needing dialysis etc. Apparently kidneys are pretty amazing things! 😉

I can imagine how stressed you must be feeling right now, but the good news is the doc's taking it seriously & looking into it...and we're all rooting for you. (((())))

Take care,

Twitchy xxx

 

[hyper-Suze]

Aw bless ((((hugs)))). What a horrible thing to have to wait for, I bet hours feel like days, but as others have said, at least it is being looked to quite seriously and quickly.

As for the cranberry juice, you go for it! I am not too keen on plain c'berry juice. Ocean Spray used to do a nice cranberry and rasberry and tescos do a c'berry and orange...yum!

Fingers crossed all your tests go well....

 

[SilentAssassin1642]

thanks all

i'm more worried about this ultrasound thingy for my bladder/kidneys to see what's going wrong to make me want the loo so much and er...leak...a bit. I've been googling - i know, i know its a stupid thing to do - and found some things that have worried me quite a lot. I can't even make the appointment until wednesday, and then it may be 2 weeks until i can even be seen

We've had tears twice tonight and i'm feeling like i'm about to go for a third lot. I don't want to have complications. I want to be healthy so I can enjoy my life, get married and have kids one day

 

[hyper-Suze]

thanks all

i'm more worried about this ultrasound thingy for my bladder/kidneys to see what's going wrong to make me want the loo so much and er...leak...a bit. I've been googling - i know, i know its a stupid thing to do - and found some things that have worried me quite a lot. I can't even make the appointment until wednesday, and then it may be 2 weeks until i can even be seen

We've had tears twice tonight and i'm feeling like i'm about to go for a third lot. I don't want to have complications. I want to be healthy so I can enjoy my life, get married and have kids one day

Heya,
Its perfectly normal to fear the unknown, I would probably be doing exactly the same thing if I were in your predicament. However, as you have already found out and were alrady conscious of when you were Googling, the dangers and extra worries this may cause. My o/h has health anxiety and I know only too well the dangers of read up on things. It is, however, easier said than done!

What you have read online needs to be taken into account. don't forget that Google isn't a real doctor, he doesn't have a medical degree. A lot of the sites are also from the US so practices and care is different as well as all the search engine trying to find all and sundry that matches to the words bladder leaks or kidney failure. It is of course going to bring up the worst case scenarios. Don't forget that Google doesn't match its finds to your personal medical history.

I hope you manage to get some rest and manage to de-stress as bs can raise with stress/anxiety. Do you have some good support networks around you, as well as this place of course?

I'm confident that you will no doubtly get to where you want to and live as healthy as possible and have a family. Are you under good control now and are you on MDI or pump?

Chin up chuck, its scary I understand, but the mind and imagination is a powerful and sometimes evil thing!

 

[Lilies]

Big hug !,

 

[SilentAssassin1642]

Heya,
Its perfectly normal to fear the unknown, I would probably be doing exactly the same thing if I were in your predicament. However, as you have already found out and were alrady conscious of when you were Googling, the dangers and extra worries this may cause. My o/h has health anxiety and I know only too well the dangers of read up on things. It is, however, easier said than done!

What you have read online needs to be taken into account. don't forget that Google isn't a real doctor, he doesn't have a medical degree. A lot of the sites are also from the US so practices and care is different as well as all the search engine trying to find all and sundry that matches to the words bladder leaks or kidney failure. It is of course going to bring up the worst case scenarios. Don't forget that Google doesn't match its finds to your personal medical history.

I hope you manage to get some rest and manage to de-stress as bs can raise with stress/anxiety. Do you have some good support networks around you, as well as this place of course?

I'm confident that you will no doubtly get to where you want to and live as healthy as possible and have a family. Are you under good control now and are you on MDI or pump?

Chin up chuck, its scary I understand, but the mind and imagination is a powerful and sometimes evil thing!

it certainly can be an evil thing. I was on citalopram for anxiety a while back, and right now I'm thinking I shouldn't have taken myself off it because the anxiety levels are back through the roof again. I hate what the mind can do to you. As soon as I start thinking about what it could be, it spirals out of control and I turn into a gibbering mess for the next half an hour. I thought I cried all my tears away last night, but obviously not because more came =[

My control is pretty spot on - I'm on an accu chek pump these days because my control wasn't brilliant on MDI (hypoing way too much and before that I was in a massive rebellion). Haven't had an HbA1C over 7.0 for well...almost a year. Part of me is wondering whether my rebellion may have caused this? But surely if it is a nueropathic issue, it's caught early enough (even though I did ignore it for a few months...I thought it would go away on its own) then it can sort itself out? Just like how with my peripheral nueropathy I only ever get symptoms these days when my sugars are high - like last night when I got up to 20.1 (thank you stress!)

There I go, thinking too much again.

I'm back at work today and a little terrified. We've got the directors coming in to look at our new teams and I'm scared I'll have to run to the toilet if one of them wants to speak to me. I do have a note from the doctor to give my manager to say I have to go to the toilet whenever I need to but how embarrassing =[

 

[Phil65]

it certainly can be an evil thing. I was on citalopram for anxiety a while back, and right now I'm thinking I shouldn't have taken myself off it because the anxiety levels are back through the roof again. I hate what the mind can do to you. As soon as I start thinking about what it could be, it spirals out of control and I turn into a gibbering mess for the next half an hour. I thought I cried all my tears away last night, but obviously not because more came =[

My control is pretty spot on - I'm on an accu chek pump these days because my control wasn't brilliant on MDI (hypoing way too much and before that I was in a massive rebellion). Haven't had an HbA1C over 7.0 for well...almost a year. Part of me is wondering whether my rebellion may have caused this? But surely if it is a nueropathic issue, it's caught early enough (even though I did ignore it for a few months...I thought it would go away on its own) then it can sort itself out? Just like how with my peripheral nueropathy I only ever get symptoms these days when my sugars are high - like last night when I got up to 20.1 (thank you stress!)

There I go, thinking too much again.

I'm back at work today and a little terrified. We've got the directors coming in to look at our new teams and I'm scared I'll have to run to the toilet if one of them wants to speak to me. I do have a note from the doctor to give my manager to say I have to go to the toilet whenever I need to but how embarrassing =[

Hi Sam, I'm guessing your 'toilet problem' is being caused by anxiety/stress/nerves? It sounds like it to me, I've seen and heard this in young graduates....a similar age to you. Your bg levels are superb 🙂 I wish that I could get your consistent results....you should pat yourself on your back! 🙂 Hope you feel better soon.

 

[SilentAssassin1642]

Hi Sam, I'm guessing your 'toilet problem' is being caused by anxiety/stress/nerves? It sounds like it to me, I've seen and heard this in young graduates....a similar age to you. Your bg levels are superb 🙂 I wish that I could get your consistent results....you should pat yourself on your back! 🙂 Hope you feel better soon.

Maybe it is. I work in a job I hate, that stresses me out every single day, I'm convinced i'll be stuck there forever because I can't get a job in my field and I just don't have the ability right now to sit down and do the work I need to do to get further in my chosen career - I had a long piece written up on Katherine Howard, my computer died on me so I had to do a factory restore and lost the entire document....and now I just can't be bothered to do it again. What's the point?

i don't know. It may be stress/anxiety related. but then it may be something more sinister than that too. Which is why they're doing the tests I guess =[ Maybe I should talk to the doctor about anxiety next time I'm up there cuz i took myself off the citalopram

 

[Phil65]

Maybe it is. I work in a job I hate, that stresses me out every single day, I'm convinced i'll be stuck there forever because I can't get a job in my field and I just don't have the ability right now to sit down and do the work I need to do to get further in my chosen career - I had a long piece written up on Katherine Howard, my computer died on me so I had to do a factory restore and lost the entire document....and now I just can't be bothered to do it again. What's the point?

i don't know. It may be stress/anxiety related. but then it may be something more sinister than that too. Which is why they're doing the tests I guess =[ Maybe I should talk to the doctor about anxiety next time I'm up there cuz i took myself off the citalopram

I feel for you Sam, be positive and strong, there is always something good just around the corner. Maybe take up a new interest or hobby?...doors often get opened that way.

 

[RSVP]

Hi SA

How long since you stopped the Citalopram? Just wondering as one of the side effects is bladder related in the fact it can cause problems going & also the opposite going too much!
Did you gradually come off them or just stop ??

Hope things are sorted for you soon 🙂


Sarah

 

[SilentAssassin1642]

Hi SA

How long since you stopped the Citalopram? Just wondering as one of the side effects is bladder related in the fact it can cause problems going & also the opposite going too much!
Did you gradually come off them or just stop ??

Hope things are sorted for you soon 🙂


Sarah

I think I came off them in April so a while ago, and wasn't on them for long at all. It was a gradual come off, but I did it pretty quickly. Went to half a tablet for a week and then just stopped.

 

[ypauly]

Can't help or advise sam, Just popped in as it looks like you need a virtual hug.

Hope it all turns out ok.

 

[margie]

Maybe it is. I work in a job I hate, that stresses me out every single day, I'm convinced i'll be stuck there forever because I can't get a job in my field and I just don't have the ability right now to sit down and do the work I need to do to get further in my chosen career - I had a long piece written up on Katherine Howard, my computer died on me so I had to do a factory restore and lost the entire document....and now I just can't be bothered to do it again. What's the point?

Sam I know this is easier said that done - but don't give up on your dreams. Try writing your piece on Katherine Howard again - but make sure you back it up. If you have a webmail account - you could e-mail it to yourself as a form of backup. At the moment your anxiety and stress is overwhelming you which is why you are wondering what's the point. Finishing writing something that your passionate about could give you a boost and would be a distraction to your health worries. {{{{hugs}}}}
Good luck with the ultrasound.

 

[Twitchy]

Hi Sam,

How are you feeling today?

I can really relate to the anxiety - I was on citalopram for anxiety related depression again earlier this year & have come pretty close to going on it again since...the last time I went to the docs I asked about cbt- cognitive behavioural therapy, as I have started to recognise that a lot of how I feel is linked to how I think about events. My GP recommended MoodGYM (google! 🙂) and despite being a bit skeptical, actually, it's brilliant. It's never easy confronting how we think about things, but I learnt that for someone my age I have a heck of a lot of what they call 'warpy thoughts' which kind of distort & warp how you see things...I suspect maybe this is something us diabetics are prone too, given the realities of our lives? I figure that there will always be crisises in life (hubby's in the middle of a very serious health scare at the mo), but I have a choice of being doped up half my life or trying to re-gear how I approach things. I know at the moment you're probably (quite understandably) just concentrating on getting though this, but when you're feeling up to it, it's well worth a look. I guess anything we can get in our personal armoury to deal with diabetes & what it throws at us is a good thing! 🙂

As for your work on the computer, argh, I can imagine how cross you must feel! I guess the upside is that you've done the hard work of background research already, and maybe (if you're like me!) your mind will have been chugging over the subject all the while & whilst doing the first version, & when you have a go at doing the work again, it will be even better this time? Kind of twice refined as it were?

Hope work has gone well for you today, sending good wishes your way!

Twitchy xx

 

[Andrew]

Good luck always assume the computer is about to die!

Hi Sam

you are not the only one with computer problems - I have just lost an open university assignment --
the cure back up on an exturnal drive -- I am in need of a new computer - just using an old lap top to fill in.

Good luck always assume the computer is about to die!

I feel for you Sam, be positive and strong, there is always something good just around the corner. Maybe take up a new interest or hobby?...doors often get opened that way.

 

[SilentAssassin1642]

Hi all
Still feeling a little teary and worked up today but had a great conversation with a colleague at work who said the following to me:

"everything happens for a reason, and you know you're doing the best you can with your diabetes and that's all you can do"

It made me smile. I think she's right - if I keep my blood sugar levels where they should be then that's all I can do. And if it *is* something bad with my bladder then it may be like with my feet. I have reduced the nueropathic symptoms to basically nothing with that thanks to some pretty epic control on my part.

Unless my sugars run haywire like they did today! Woke on 6.9 and then spent the rest of the day up at 14 felt pretty rotten but I guess that's the stress of going back to work and the worry. And I got up to 20.1 totally randomly last night too 😱

Still feeling rubbish, but can't wait to get the appointment booked so we can actually find out what's wrong. I'm nervous, and scared still...very scared. Because well, its an embarrasing problem really that makes me feel yucky and I don't want to talk about - telling my manager in my back to work interview today was horrific. And I don't know if there's a way to stop it other than sitting in the loo until I'm sure the bladder is totally empty just to make sure.

Urgh, I'll shut up now.

Still not sure about the katherine Howard article. I feel kind of deflated after losing all of that work =[ All those pages of notes to type up again and put into some semblance of order =[ Definitely gonna start backing stuff up though.