Hi all, my husband is a Diabetic type 2, he takes his tablets but he doesn't take care of his diet at all, no exercise. All he says is: I'm ok. I'm not a particularly good cook, mainly because of the lack of imagination. My dad was a diabetic too so I'm very familiar with the consequences, but I don't know how to get into my husband and make him understand. I need help to look after him, even if it's without him noticing I'm doing it.....
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Worried wife of Type 2 Diabetic
- Thread starter eva_ve
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Hello and welcome! Sorry to hear about your OH's diagnosis. Do you know if his GP has referred him to a diabetes course? There are lots around and they really help to put things into perspective about the effects diabetes has on the body.
You'll find you might be able to smuggle a few things by him but, until he decides to to actively engage in managing his condition, there's only so much you will be able to do.
Getting a lifelong condition is a bereavement process and he will be working through the 5 stages of grief - even if that is stuck in the denial phase. Depression can also be a factor.
What medication is he taking and does he need to lose any weight?
You'll find you might be able to smuggle a few things by him but, until he decides to to actively engage in managing his condition, there's only so much you will be able to do.
Getting a lifelong condition is a bereavement process and he will be working through the 5 stages of grief - even if that is stuck in the denial phase. Depression can also be a factor.
What medication is he taking and does he need to lose any weight?
yes, he did the GP course 6 years ago, but because I made him and he wasn't impressed. Could you recommend any?
I know, he needs to make the decision, but he's philosophy is "life is short". I try to make him understand I'm in the mix too.
He's taking metformin and gliclazi and definitely he needs to lose weight. But he loves his food.
I know, he needs to make the decision, but he's philosophy is "life is short". I try to make him understand I'm in the mix too.
He's taking metformin and gliclazi and definitely he needs to lose weight. But he loves his food.
grovesy
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Unfortunately these course can vary what is on offer from area to area, and the reports on all are varied.
Inka
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You could equally say back “Yes, life is short so why risk making it shorter”. It seems he thinks that following a good diet means deprivation and misery. That’s not the case at all.
For lunch, would he eat a big salad?
Absolutely! that's exactly what he thinks! I should say his dad died one day before becoming 50, apparently very healthy, for a heart attack. I guess the lesson he took was, it doesn't matter how healthy you are, when your time is up...
I don't want to wait until he has a big episode for him to realise he needs to take this seriously
. He'll eat salad, if i include some protein of some sort, but not every day.
Nayshiftin
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Hi, I did not want to understand or accept I had pre-diabetes either. I am not making excuses but trying to be open and honest. The more you go on and on about it you are digging the sand, well I stuck my head down further so think he might be doing too. Also, it is our body and making us means we feel even less in control. Harsh but I want you to know how I felt to see if it changes the ball game around for him. I got a shock and I did feel absolutely awful and have gained an enormous amount of weight. However, my excuse here is it's chicken and egg. Diabetes type 2 comes from being fat but having type 2 diabetes means you do not exchange the food in your body making a probability some gain weight rather than lose it. So my hubby ignored my weight until I am the back end of a bus but it was up to me to decide and when I asked his help he has been supportive. I now look after my weight and I am losing, I am not succeeding with my blood sugars as they stay below 10 mmol yes still too high but they were 33mmols and I do not take any medication at the moment. I go Nordic walking and the instructor puts me through paces. I am very unfit and cannot even achieve the couch to 5k as I cannot run I have arthritis and mobility is bad and one leg/hip stops a lot but Covid stops ops. Good thing the ops not there as I am trying and have now got from a slow move to a jog not far but it is an improvement. Perhaps that where the courses are useless for your husband. The course is levelled at all being at the same amount of fitness it might be too much too soon. The summer is coming can you not go for nice drives and walks along the shore or in the garden centres if raining. I do not know his hobbies but try a little to entice him to move even if it's to go with you to look at a stately home. Even if he drives he is moving to start with. Diet you can change a bit but if he is on gliclazide it will remove that sugar. It is his body and choice and you can say to the cows come home and not make things but he will still go and get elsewhere. Ie cafe's or take-aways if he is like me. I know MIL stopped me from having cake and biscuits whilst they all sat and ate so next alone time I'd eat a packet of biscuits. I felt unloved too and comfort ate then it punished me too. It leads to very bad psychology. How can you help, if he says to leave him alone? I would do so. I'd try and empathise and limit the withdrawal of things. One is better than a packet to start with. Only have these items as treats and not as a daily thing. It is hard as you are eager but I wonder if you tried to let him take the reigns you would get further. It is achievable in little steps. if my hubby says No I want to say Yes I can even if I can't. Others I hope will be kind and gentle but I feel sometimes we are feeling ill with the sugar on us and mood swings go with this and coping I want to scream. If you sit and scoff biscuits in front of us then why can't we, its only natural to feel deprived. On the other hand, I had to change my mindset and deal with where I was and now I say I don't want that as I know I will feel ill. Conversely, I had a Chinese meal last night very bad of me but I really had a hectic week, but I ate sensibly and drank the water but I have had a headache bad this morning so I know it's like having a night on the tiles, the choice will be mine. I do not drink enough anytime ever for a hangover I get mine from sugar in bad food. Still, I did enjoy once will not hurt but it's my body my choice. I have been good for 3 months and hope to find another thing that I love so much to replace that not as naughty. I have given up sweets, biscuits, cakes and more like potatoes, pasta and well until last night rice. So it's moderation. I cannot be good all the time and have to accept that. I hope you read this as it was meant to make you think from our side and in no ways may even reflect you at all but I just wanted you to see it from my side, All the best
Nayshiftin
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I use celeriac on top of shepherds pie, you could do this gradually half and a half or with cauliflower eventually, you get used to it. Lasagne is lovely too with Courgettes I don't know what he eats. Crustless quiche is great with salad and low carb bread might help but it's not an everyday thing. Baking your own might be something too.
Hi, My dad died at age 47 with a heart attack (apparently he thought the first one was just severe indigestion). I know of several T2 diabetics who said life was too short to change what they eat - some of them have has toe, foot or leg amputations. There is also increased likelihood of blindness - who would want to risk that?
Salad with meat, fish or eggs or cheese is a good low carb meal for lunch.
Many people doing Low Carb find that Cauliflower 'rice' makes a good substitute for rice
Celeriac can also be used as a substitute for Potato.
Avoiding carbs (or cutting down on them) is actually much easier tan most people think it is. For example eat hamburgers but without the bun: either throw the bun away or use lettuce leaves to hold the beef patty.
I had been scared into eating a low fat (high complex carb) diet for over 10 years before I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. All that got me was increased weight and a triple bypass.
When my doctor told me that because of my T2D I needed to double down on my low fat diet I got angry since I could now see that it was making me unhealthy instead of healthy. I could see that Low Carb was reversing my diabetes within a couple of weeks (by using a Blood Glucose meter). It was a no-brainer for me!
Salad with meat, fish or eggs or cheese is a good low carb meal for lunch.
Many people doing Low Carb find that Cauliflower 'rice' makes a good substitute for rice
Celeriac can also be used as a substitute for Potato.
Avoiding carbs (or cutting down on them) is actually much easier tan most people think it is. For example eat hamburgers but without the bun: either throw the bun away or use lettuce leaves to hold the beef patty.
I had been scared into eating a low fat (high complex carb) diet for over 10 years before I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. All that got me was increased weight and a triple bypass.
When my doctor told me that because of my T2D I needed to double down on my low fat diet I got angry since I could now see that it was making me unhealthy instead of healthy. I could see that Low Carb was reversing my diabetes within a couple of weeks (by using a Blood Glucose meter). It was a no-brainer for me!
Why not sprinkle bacon lardons or some chopped chorizo and nuts on a salad or cheese or slice a boiled egg with mayo. There's loads you can do with a salad - why not go Greek with some feta and olives etc or have some coleslaw with it. There's a recent salad thread been started in the food forum to get you started.Absolutely! that's exactly what he thinks! I should say his dad died one day before becoming 50, apparently very healthy, for a heart attack. I guess the lesson he took was, it doesn't matter how healthy you are, when your time is up...
I don't want to wait until he has a big episode for him to realise he needs to take this seriously
He'll eat salad, if i include some protein of some sort, but not every day.
Leadinglights
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My Dad the same, died from heart attack at 52 in 1963, had been diabetic for a few years but was a lifelong vegetarian and as such struggled with finding foods low in carbs other than cheese and eggs and veg. So his diet was too high in carbs. So much more available now and information about interesting flavoursome low carb foods. I regret he didn't see myself grow up and my children did not know him.Absolutely! that's exactly what he thinks! I should say his dad died one day before becoming 50, apparently very healthy, for a heart attack. I guess the lesson he took was, it doesn't matter how healthy you are, when your time is up...
I don't want to wait until he has a big episode for him to realise he needs to take this seriously
He'll eat salad, if i include some protein of some sort, but not every day.
Somebody had put some fantastic suggestions for salads on here, you could never call them boring or not satisfying so if he will eat salads that would be a good start to show that a change can still be tasty and lower carb.
PattiEvans
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Hi there. I think @Leadinglights has hit the nail on the head about denial and how it can be made worse by the "food police". So perhaps you may be more successful being a bit subtle and changing his diet for the better without letting him know what you are doing. If your lack of imagination is what is stopping you then this forum has a very good recipe section. Also I wrote this A-Z of vegetables some while back to try to give people ideas on substitutes that are lower carb and ideas on making veggies more interesting. I do need to overhaul it as there are some broken links to 3rd party recipes, but I haven't had much time recently. Finally, there's another good recipe section here, though the forum has closed you still have access to all the recipes. My own husband does not think it's a proper meal without some meat, or fish, so I do get where you are coming from!
Inka
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Absolutely! that's exactly what he thinks! I should say his dad died one day before becoming 50, apparently very healthy, for a heart attack. I guess the lesson he took was, it doesn't matter how healthy you are, when your time is up...
I don't want to wait until he has a big episode for him to realise he needs to take this seriously
He'll eat salad, if i include some protein of some sort, but not every day.
That’s very sad about his dad. It makes it more understandable that he thinks what he thinks. I hope he can look at things in a different way. Yes, random things happen but adding avoidable risks just balances the scales further against you.
If he’d eat a salad plus protein some days that would be good. There’s a Salad Recipe thread I started recently. Remember salads can be made from a wide variety of things and can be really tasty and filling.
Lucyr
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Sainsburys do some wraps that are only 15g carbs, or you could switch the bread for one that might rise blood sugars slower like Burgen or one of the other lower carb seeded breads.
rebrascora
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Most men won't turn down a cooked breakfast, so that might be a sneaky way of lowering his carbs at breakfast time at least a few days a week.... Bacon and eggs and mushrooms (avoid cheap sausages as they are full of rusk which is carbs, but high meat content sausages are good0 and a fried or grilled tomato. You might have to figure out how to dodge him having bread with it. Perhaps include half a slice of fried bread with it so he has something to soak up his egg yolk and don't have any bread available at the table so that you can limited the carbs. That works out at about 10g carbs for breakfast as oppose to 30g or more if he normally has 2 slices of bread/toast or cereal.
Perhaps if you give us an idea of what he normally eats we can suggest other tweaks you can make.
Last night I had sausages (95%meat) with cauliflower mash instead of potato (easier to prep as no peeling involved, cooks quicker and drained well and then mashed with a good dollop of cream cheese and a spoon of wholegrain mustard) makes a great substitute and tastes good. I had it with broccoli but it would work with most other veg. You might start off having a mixture of potato and cauli and slowly reduce the amount of potato if you want to be really sneaky about it. having more fat is a key element of reducing the carbs because the fat will keep him feeling full for longer and slow down the digestion and glucose release from the carbs he does eat, so helping to keep his Blood Glucose levels more stable. Many of us find that we still can lose weight by eating more fat if we cut the carbs down.
Perhaps if you give us an idea of what he normally eats we can suggest other tweaks you can make.
Last night I had sausages (95%meat) with cauliflower mash instead of potato (easier to prep as no peeling involved, cooks quicker and drained well and then mashed with a good dollop of cream cheese and a spoon of wholegrain mustard) makes a great substitute and tastes good. I had it with broccoli but it would work with most other veg. You might start off having a mixture of potato and cauli and slowly reduce the amount of potato if you want to be really sneaky about it. having more fat is a key element of reducing the carbs because the fat will keep him feeling full for longer and slow down the digestion and glucose release from the carbs he does eat, so helping to keep his Blood Glucose levels more stable. Many of us find that we still can lose weight by eating more fat if we cut the carbs down.
Hi @eva_ve,
If your husband won't make the change himself then in reality there is very little you can do.
If he is genuine about the "life's too short" thing then he might interpret your words as pressuring him and that might end up achieving the opposite of what you intend. I am definitely one of those types of men and wouldn't react well once I'd made a decision on something like that. Not all men are as belligerent as me but it might be worth bearing in mind.
Do you know what his HbA1c result is? And is he testing his blood glucose levels on a regular basis?
If your husband won't make the change himself then in reality there is very little you can do.
If he is genuine about the "life's too short" thing then he might interpret your words as pressuring him and that might end up achieving the opposite of what you intend. I am definitely one of those types of men and wouldn't react well once I'd made a decision on something like that. Not all men are as belligerent as me but it might be worth bearing in mind.
Do you know what his HbA1c result is? And is he testing his blood glucose levels on a regular basis?
Leadinglights
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One thing I started to do was put the food on the plate in the kitchen rather than take to the table in serving dishes and if there was a bit too much it is left in the pan, it is then not tempting to just finish off what is in the dishes.
The rest is then made into soup or frozen for another day.
The rest is then made into soup or frozen for another day.
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