Your silliest joke.......

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
I've ended up in A & E tonight after a bad accident in Tesco. A full display wall of Andrex loo rolls collapsed onto me and crushed me.

I'm going to be OK: the doctor said it's just soft tissue damage.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
It's a sad day today. The clothes horse that's been in our family for generations has broken.

It's the end of an airer.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Riding the favourite at Cheltenham, a jockey was well ahead of the field. Suddenly he was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages.

He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he went over the last fence.

With great skill he managed to steer the horse to the front of the field once more when, on the run in, he was struck on the head by a bottle of sherry and a Christmas pudding.

Thus distracted, he succeeded in coming only second.

He immediately went to the stewards to complain that he had been seriously hampered.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte.

And then everything crashed.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
One consequence of the lockdown limit of six people is the renaming of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Taking out Sneezy was an obvious choice, but losing Doc could be a mistake.
 

HenryBennett

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Man walks into a bar. The barman says, “Is that a steering wheel sticking out of your trousers?” Man replies, “Yeah, it’s driving me nuts.”
 

HenryBennett

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Have you heard about the dyslexic insomniac agnostic? He lies awake at night wondering if there is a dog!
 

C&E Guy

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
Our mouse, Elvis, was killed.

He was caught in a trap.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
What’s it called when a chameleon can’t change its colours any more?

A reptile dysfunction.
 

Lanny

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
I loved this one from a very old joke book & is even better when sung!

Hickory Dickory Dock!
The mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one (a great big long pause is very effective here)
The rest escaped
With minor injuries!

My 3 nephews & younger brother & sister & I all laughed ourselves silly over that & even acted it out as children: a homicidal clock killing mice; whacked hard by the swinging pendulum, we imagined!:D:p:cool::eek:;)
 
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atoll

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
For the Men that won't go to the Drs... Medical tests you can do yourself.

Wander into the back garden and piss on your neighbour’s fence.
If it dries quickly, you have high sodium (salt) levels and pending heart problems.
If it attracts ants your sugar level is too high and you might be diabetic.
If your piss is dark and of limited quantity, you are dehydrated.
If your stream didn’t reach the fence, you have a prostrate problem.
If it is bright pink you have kidney problems.
If you forgot to get your knob out and you pissed your pants, you have Alzheimer’s.
If you missed the fence you have Parkinson’s.
If your stream smells meaty, your cholesterol level is far too high.
If you can’t smell your urine, you have Coronavirus.
 
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