Worries as reality kicks in..

[carbyourenthusiasm]

Hello, I haven't really posted on here since I joined! But here we go..

I have been feeling rather more upset about my recent diagnosis recently. To begin with I thought I was coping ok, joking about the whole thing and getting on with it all without too much worry.

But recently I've been feeling quite down about it, getting tearful quite frequently, especially at mealtimes. I find myself thinking about diabetes all the time, worrying that I haven't taken enough insulin with food, but then worrying equal amount about hypoglycaemia in between meals. i find myself checking my BS more often than previously, and never being happy with the reading. Luckily for me though, I am very aware of when I start to go low, starting to notice the effects of low BS when I get to around 4.5.

I know that it's early days for me, I've only been diagnosed since October, but I can't help but worry about all the complications of diabetes that could potentially happen to me. It's all a bit overwhelming. The endlessness of it all is perhaps the most unsettling part for me, to think that this will -never- go away, and that I will have to worry about it in order to stay healthy in the long term.

It keep feeling a bit unwell too, waking up in the mornings in a cold sweat, feeling tired much of the time, and sometimes feeling a little faint.

Everyone around me is so understanding and helpful, but I find myself getting angry with the people that are only trying to help. I get stressed if people start mentioning diabetes, but then get annoyed if they act normally as if nothing has changed. My boyfriend seems to be the only person i can really talk about it with, without getting extremely stressed. And I don't want to spend my whole time moaning to him as it's pretty dull, though he doesn't seem to mind.

My confidence has taken a knock I think too, as I feel more reclusive and shy around people when I previously didn't at all. I don't really know why that is, it just seems to be something that has changed.

This morning I have been looking up insulin pumps, which are my idea of a nightmare, having a thing attached to your body via a canular the whole time is just a horrible thought to me - though equally, I worry that is the only way to keep entirely healthy with diabetes. I know thats not entirely true, people cope very well injecting, but it's just another of these irrational thoughts I've been having.

Sorry for the rant, I don't really know what I want to gain from writing this, but oh well it might help. 🙂

 

[Copepod]

I can remember my first Christmas after starting insulin (16 years ago, pre common use of email / internet, as a 30 year old) in about October. I was back living at parents' home (with a semi-house-trained teen age cousin and no friends for 100s of miles, which didn't help) after a year working overseas, curtailed by being diagnosed at a SCUBA diving medical. So, I was pretty p####d off at the end of normal (for me) life - Marine Biology degree became useless, chance of emigrating or extending work permit ended (due to not being allowed to professionally SCUBA dive) etc.

However, my mum spoke with one of her brothers, who lived with his wife on a small holding in Brittany, and I was invited to spend Christmas with them - by the end I at least realised that independent travel wasn't over. Then, a few weeks later, an Australian student midwife friend asked if I'd like to come with her to Belgium - she was keen to have a companion who could speak French and had travelled independently on mainland Europe. As a result of her noticing the inconvenience of having to inject bimodal insulin 30 mins before meals, she spoke with her mum, a pharmacist in Tasmania, who sent me a photocopy of an Australian pharmacy journal article about MDI (multiple daily insulin / injections). So I went to the clinic and asked to be changed over - didn't have the nerve to ask why they hadn't suggested it themselves.

In general, I found that help came in the most unexpected ways eg from uncle and aunt in Brittany (and their livestock), health professionals a long way away, an Indian GP family friend who brought round lovely spicy food for me (Dad and cousin didn't like spicy food, so my diet was pretty boring) etc. I didn't have a partner at that time, so didn't have to cope with those issues. In general, I preferred not talking about things unless absolutely essential - and that has worked OK for me, as since starting on MDI, my control has been pretty good, and I still don't have any complications, so I haven't had to consider a pump (which I would if it were necessary).

The first year is the worse, with so much to learn, plus honeymoon phase makes things more difficult and being skinny makes injections more painful, but things really do get easier as you get better at dealing with things. As long as you feel hypo at levels of 4.5mmols, you're fine - just eat something sugary when you feel those symptoms, as you don't need to confirm with a test unless you want to - sometimes it is more discrete juts to eat a few jelly babies, and there are times when it's easier just to deal with the hypoglycaemia, without the comments / stares.

So, a long winded way of saying, find your own way of doing things and accept help from the most unexpected places.

 

[Northerner]

Hi CYE, nice to see you posting 🙂 I'm sorry things have got on top of you a bit. It probably doesn't help much, but it's perfectly normal for you to be feeling as you are. I think we all go through it at some time or another. Everything is still pretty fresh in your mind and you are still getting used to things. Remember that diabetes can appear a very complicated thing to manage, but it really only takes time more than anything, as you get used to different feeling and situations, different meals, different ways of coping with people's reactions (good and bad). You can understand the concepts involved, but it's only through repeated experiences that things start to click into place and become less of a worry. In time, much of it will become second nature, and whilst it will always be with you, it will be less dominating of your thoughts and more of an irritation than a burden.

Try not to look too far into the future, because worrying about things that might vaguely happen is stealing your enjoyment of the here and now. There will always be times when diabetes makes you angry and frustrated, or sad, and at those times you can come here and let out your frustrations because the people here will understand - we're here to support you and each other 🙂

Remember this: Well-controlled diabetes is the major cause of....absolutely nothing! 🙂 Try and relax over Christmas, and don't be too concerned if you are getting less-than-perfect numbers for a little while, just keep things in moderation and pop in here any time - there will be someone around!

 

[AJLang]

I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time. Although it doesn't feel like it at the moment over time you will get used to the diabetes and it will become second nature. I've had diabetes for nearly 41 years and I've never let it get in the way of having a great life. This has included lots of enjoying life including many a alcohol fuelled Christmas and trips to the middle east for fun and work. For me having diabetes makes me make the most of life. You are getting used to it but life will get better. Try to use each day to take a new step and build your confidence. When you have bad days accept they will happen but be determined to live your dreams. I have and have only recently gate crashed a party so that I could meet Benny and Bjorn of Abba

 

[Lizzzie]

Hi Carbyourenthusiasm.

Great name, I just had to use it.

I too took it in my stride at the time, then it hit me a few weeks down the line that this was forever, and not much fun.

But wanted to second AJLang: you can still have a great life.

I reply to a post like this just to brag about it sometimes, but since diagnosis I've: trekked in the Himalayas, walked the Gr10, worked full time, including full time mostly nights which I do now, climbed a lot, had a baby, carried baby up various mountains, learned to ski, bought a house, started a garden... and it hasn't been three years.

So you don't need to carb your enthusiasm for life just yet, even though we all have those horrid moments when we go: you know what, this sucks.

And when you have those moments, this is where you come to moan about it. We're with you all the way.

 

[trophywench]

Hiya CYE

Utterly daft though this may sound - being diagnosed with a chronic illness is traumatic in the first place and no other one that needs so much constant management every hour of every day exists.

We all need to grieve for the life we think we've 'lost'. I recommend reading this -
http://www.diabetes-support.org.uk/info/?page_id=50

Click on the link to 'The Five Stages of Grief' in the second paragraph.

But .....

I personally have never had any desire whatever to trek across the Himalayas or go SCUBA diving and have led a most ordinary life and worked in an office throughout - but I've been to India and Australia and the Caribbean and some of Europe; I've stayed in tents and caravans and motorhomes and 3 star hotels, I've gone running and played tennis etc; I've whipped up 5 course dinners for 10 on a camping stove and at home, been treasurer and secretary of one of the oldest naturist clubs in the UK and generally had a damn good time.

Diabetes? Pfft - so what!

It only stops you doing whatever you want to - if you let it.

No you can never ignore it - but rule your life? - Never once you've got over the hump. Yes hillocks appear from time to time to keep you on your toes but Hey! - both life and diabetes are a marathon, not a sprint.