What Do I Do???

Status
Not open for further replies.
B

Bon91

New Member
Hi everyone,

I'm new to this and just looking for some advice. My boyfriend has type one diabetes and has had since he was about 7, he is now 22 and acts like someone who has just found out they have it and is living in denial! He has been taken off of the local diabetic clinics registers because he stopped going and I'm scared things are getting worse. He has got a massive sweet tooth and doesn't take any consideration for his diabetes when eating sugary foods (which he eats ALOT of) and hardly ever checks his sugar levels, he has had 6 hypos in the past 2 weeks 1 of which was a rare violent one. I know I can't make him go to the doctors or do his checks or stop eating sugary foods but my problem is that he wants me to completely back off and leave him to it. this may sound like maybe I suffocate him and he has a point but just let me explain...

He has asked me to stop telling him when I notice symptoms of a hypo, even though I usually see these symptoms a long time before he feels the full affects and in the past when he has listened to me we've been able to stop hypos from developing very early on. He has also told me that hypos arent a big deal you cant die from them so I should stop worrying, is this true? I know the chances of death are very slim but it was my belief you could end up in a comma? He also quite often goes to sleep when he gets in from work (we dont live together at the moment) and if I dont hear from him after 9 o'clock (which is when he is supposed to have an injection) I usually text his mum to make sure he is ok because a few times he has had a hypo in his sleep and thats why he hasnt woken up and contacted me. Now he has asked me to stop texting his mum but my fear is if I do this he could be having a hypo and no one would know! His argument is that he doesnt need help he would come out of the hypo by himself even if it has started in his sleep and he cant take in any sugar, surely this cant be true?

I'm just struggling because I know he isn't taking care of his diabetes very well and I'm a bit of a drama queen in the way that I'm terrified he's going to die or end up in a comma at an early age, and I love him too much to loose him! I want to help him but I also want to respect his wishes and back off, but it's hard! If I didnt tell his mum when I dont hear from him and then he ended up in hospital after a hypo I'd never forgive myself! Also he has said he would go to the clinic if it was open on a Saturday because he can't get the time off work but he can't get the time off work to go to the doctors and be referred again, is there any other option?

Has anyone else been in my position or does anyone have any advice??

Thanks xx
 
Hi Bon91, welcome to the forum 🙂 Really sorry to hear that your concerns are being met with hostility, but I think this is quite common at any age, but particularly at his age when diagnosed as a child. Life changes quite a lot in your late teens/early 20s and if you have been diagnosed a long time as he has then perhaps he feels he knows his diabetes far better than anyone else possible could, so he resents your attempts to control or improve his behaviour in any way - no doubt perceived as 'nagging' or 'fuss' :(

It's hard to say what might be able to snap him out of this frame of mind. He's right, I think, that many hypos are simple to spot and simple to treat, but it's also true that if you suffer repeated hypos you may lose your awareness and become much lower before noticing. Do you know if the hypos occur at any particular times? If he's not attending his clinic then quite possibly he doesn't actually know how good or otherwise his blood sugar control is, as he won't be getting the necessary tests.

Hopefully, some of our members who have been through similar experiences will be able to share with you how they felt and dealt with things (whether as carers/partners or as long-term diabetics who have been through similar stages of denial). I would try and back off the day-to day suggestions about his control and work instead on getting him to agree to a review so he has a better idea of where he stands. If he continues to treat his diabetes in a cavalier manner he may be doing himself damage in the long-term, with his eyes and kidneys at risk.
 
Thank you! He already gets very low before he realises whats going on I can sometimes notice it for a good half an hour maybe longer before he does and by then he is usually nearly on the floor unconscious! I've noticed it happens mainly on thrusdays and saturdays but have no idea why and its also been noticed by his family that there is a relation between me and his hypos; I'm at university and his family has noticed that it happens if I'm at home for a long period of time and then the day/night before I'm due to go back to uni he will have a hypo, he also had one when I went to a christening without him a few weeks ago. He has agreed that I can look into Saturday appointments and if they exist he will go but I'm struggling to find any information on any, is there no such thing as a diabetic walk in centre?
 
welcome to the forum ...not sure about drop in centres ...but this forum has been the best place ive come across for infomation and its open 24hrs a day !🙂
would he consider having a chat on here ?
 
He won't even talk to me about it I highly doubt he would talk on here, unfortunately! He just wants to pretend he hasn't got it, he's always been quite popular and I think he see's it as something that would change the way people see him and act towards him.
 
Hi Bon91 Welcome 🙂

He's certainly got himself into a corner hasn't he?

Your fears are well-founded but we do tend to have a way of self-preserving. Albeit with the long term risks still present.

If he drives, he shouldn't be. That might be enough to get him to take notice.

I would imagine if you rang the diabetesUK advice line, they might be able to check your local area for anywhere that could help. He sounds like he needs some counselling to come to terms with it all. I'm sure we all could to some degree. Has he had some life-changing/traumatic event in recent years that triggered all this denial or has he always been this way do you know?

He may be using his diabetes to hit out at the world in some way. Just thinking aloud.

Could you write him a letter explainign why you're worried abd wanting to help and you are fully aware of the consequences of what he's doing and how it makes you feel. He may be able to read it better than listen to it.

Rob
 
He doesnt drive no, fortunately! He has told me in the past that he used to be really good with his diabetes doing his checks, seeing the doctor, eating the right things, excersising everyday, but then he turned 16 and started drinking and smoking to fit in. I guess at 16 it's not seen as 'cool' to have to leave a night out to go and have an injection, and I think from there he has just dug a hole too big to climb out of.

Thanks for the advice though I will be ringing the advice line tomorrow morning!!
 
Another thought. Do his mates know about his diabetes?

I wonder if there's some way of getting them to take a interest and persuade him to take more care.

Keep us updated on any progress.🙂

Rob
 
alot of things have changed in the last 8 years and he might be surprised how many young folk have T1 and how they manage it ...does he or family know others with T1 ?
 
some hospitals do offer weekend appointments for outpatients clinics so worth contacting your local to find out..... how long as he felt this way? may be just a phase..... it is fairly common for us to go thro denial and ignore the fact we are diabetic i know i did for a while in my mid twenties (diagnosed at 20) but i guess i just kinda grew out of it.
 
Just a thought - a lot of GP's practices now offer extended hours...could he get the surgery to do a blood test called the HbA1c? This will give an indication of how good or bad his general control has been over the past couple of months or so, and might be a catalyst to him deciding to do something about it? He really can't claim he hasn't got time to have a blood test surely.

Re work & docs appts, I'm pretty sure it's a legal requirement for work to allow him time off to attend such medical appointments - they can ask him to try & make them at the start or end of the day, but they can't stop him going. Even if he can't make day time hours at a proper hospital diabetic clinic he could always buy one of the recommended books like 'think like a pancreas' from Amazon, get himself clued up & start to work with his GP (if he's got a good one!) on his control as some sort of compromise...

I don't know what else to suggest really. I think we all go through periods of burnout or 'diabetes fatigue' where it all just gets too much to be bothered with, the key is to remember it's less hassle overall if you give it enough attention each day rather than trying to pretend it doesn't exist.

Do you think he might be depressed? High sugar levels in themselves don't help mood & it can be easy to slip into a negative spiral.

Best of luck supporting him, just tread gently... 🙂
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top