Thoughts on house clearing.

[Chris Hobson]

The thread that asked us all what kind of year we've had has been derailed somewhat by discussions about having to dispose of the possessions of deceased relatives. Rather than continue that discussion there, I thought it would be better to start a new thread about that specific subject.

My Mum passed in Late February 2023 aged 83. My dad had gone May 2014. Though I wouldn't have described them as hoarders, they had lived in the same house since the late 1960s and it was a medium sized house with several out buildings. In her will she left everything to her three sons and asked us to donate anything that we couldn't use to two specific charities. As it turned out, my daughter and her partner were setting up house together around that time so quite a few items of furniture went to their house. There were a few items of furniture that had some value and were sold. Small stuff went to a car boot sale and we raised a little cash. We always had lots of ornaments in glass fronted cabinets, we now have quite a few more. The two charity shops accepted a lot of the stuff, there were some Xmas decorations that I had to hold onto and then donate in November. Her little car went to my brother who needed one at the time as his had just died. It was the stuff that went to the tip that took several weeks to get rid of. At least twenty trips with an SUV with folded down seats. The outbuildings were just stuffed with old junk.

 

[pjgtech]

I have gone through this myself, when my Mum passed, (helping my Dad move) and then again when my Dad passed, (clearing his bungalow) and also when the in-laws passed away, (clearing their house). I think people can underestimate how tough it can be, both emotionally and physically.
Emotionally because you are sorting through family possessions, often loaded with memories and meaning.
Physically because of the sheer scale of what you are trying to do, as a house, or flat, even a small one, can hold a LOT of stuff.

Hoarding is also very a real thing for a lot of people, especially the elderly.
As part of my old job working in an Environmental Health Department, Housing section, (I recently retired) we sometimes had to deal with complaints about "Hoarders".

Its a complex condition, commonly related to and referred to as "Diogenes syndrome". This particular diagnosis is often associated with some sort of self neglect at the same time, or inability to cope with daily life, etc.
People often fall into the hoarding spiral after some significant event in their life, usually negative, (eg: a divorce, losing a job, a partner passing away, etc) and they feel a loss of control.
By hoarding, (eg: not throwing things away/or excessive collecting), they feel that they are retaining some sort of control, even if only over a small part of their lives.

 

[Chris Hobson]

I don't tend to get too emotional when old people die, I see that as an inevitable part of life. I've never had to face the tragedy of someone close to me dying young, that, I think, would be a very different matter. I do recall feeling a huge wave of sadness when standing in the empty house once it had been totally cleared of everything. This was the house that I grew up in, just so many memories that it seemed were now gone. I just stood there, lost in the past, for quite a while before gathering myself together and heading off to hand over the keys.

 

[silver minion]

I always find this time of year difficult. My mum died in November 2017 and my Dad died December 2019. We couldn't have the funeral until after the New Year. My sister in law was a godsend helping me clear out my mums personal possessions and clothes. My dad could not deal with it at the time. When he passed I was his executor and had to sell his house. My brothers lived nearer so they sorted out furniture disposal. I boxed up remaining personal mementos and put them away in our attic. Dealing with his estate and house sale during covid lockdown took most of my energy. Came across the boxes again when we moved but still unable to deal with the contents yet. I will have a look at them again next year as there are some photos and stuff that family members might want.
My dear Mum made the decision to give away most of her jewellery to female relations a few years before she died so it could be worn and loved. I still have the silver bracelet that I bought her as a Christmas present from my first wages at 17.

 

[Alan44]

Will come back to this thread when I have more time

 

[Vonny]

Good thread, especially for us oldies!

I'm trying to bring myself to do the entire "Swedish death cleaning" thing so my son doesn't have to go through what my sister and I did with my hoarding dad. The garage alone took nearly 3 skips!
He kept everything including things like his old navy uniform and ditty box from the 1940s. This kind of stuff we haven't the heart to throw out so my sister nobly agreed to house this kind of stuff. Luckily she works for a hospice charity shop so they did very well out of the sellable stuff. But he'd even hoarded his mum and dad's (and grandparents) things so there were several generations of stuff in his house. We used to joke (and he agreed!) that instead of a 4 bedroom house he needed a one bed flat with several large storage barns. A very bitter-sweet experience clearing it all out.

If anyone has any ideas on where to start with Swedish death cleaning I'd be glad to hear about it. Son is under strict instructions that everything can go because I'm not as sentimental as my dad and I try to live for the "now" these days.