The Weigh In

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Northerner

Northerner

Admin (Retired)
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
Sugarbum related the following:

Sugarbum said:
...At my last appointment an agency nurse did my blood pressure, weight and wizz. While I was undoing my boots I made a light-hearted remark along the lines of 'hope I havent gained this time', to which she responded what I needed was a diet of 6 natural yoghurts a day and 2 cans of weightwatchers soup for 2 weeks and I would loose 2 stone, in fact, "see it drop off you"!

I must have looked at her like thunder, she said she was there on agency and normally worked at a Harley Street Clinic assisting in weight-loss surgery. This is the dietary advice they give everyone apparently prior to weightloss surgery and it would work wonders for me....

I was so peed at this- what a dreadful thing to tell someone with diabetes! And even worse, why doesnt she take her own advice? She was overweight as well!

Some people are murder....
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Thanks to the wonders of technology, we can see exactly what happened:

Off for my check up, weight, BP and wiz,
It?s an agency nurse who?s conducting the biz,
So as you might do, in a jocular way,
?I hope I haven?t gained any!?, I happened to say.

She raised her right eyebrow, in Roger Moore style,
And pursing her lips, looked down at my file.
?Just take off your boots please, and stand on the scales,
Haven?t seen so much blubber since I went watching whales!

I found that offensive, and was about to say so,
When she spouted forth wisdom she thought I should know.
She put down her pen as she warmed to her cause,
And gave me no chance as she said without pause:

?You don?t have to be big and hefty my dear!
I know that for women your size that?s a fear,
There?s an easy solution you really must try ?
Either that, or grow fat, so fat you might die!?

?Two cans of soup, the Weight Watchers kind,
Plus six natural yoghurts, and I think you will find
That after two weeks you?ll have lost thirty pounds,
And be able to walk without shaking the ground!?

At this I was speechless, for what did I see?
But a twenty stone nurse who was talking to me!
?You should take your own medicine, for I strongly advise
That you give up the booze and stop eating the pies!?

:D
 
Yay! Very good :D
 
l think thats brilliant....🙂 i love your poetry x always makes me smile 🙂
 
I really must say, in a positive way, in honour of your prose, I offer you this rose ........

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Bravo! Bravo! More! More! :D

Andy 🙂
 
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I just snorted out loud at the last line :D Brilliant work Northerner, absolutely priceless! Just in time for tomorrows appointment (and yes, my nurse aint exactly slim either!).
 
LisaLQ said:
I just snorted out loud at the last line :D Brilliant work Northerner, absolutely priceless! Just in time for tomorrows appointment (and yes, my nurse aint exactly slim either!).
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Hope all goes well Lisa! I've got the dentist tomorrow morning. Even though it's only a check up and he's a brilliant guy, I still get butterflies :(
 
Oooh good luck then - I'm not good with dentists either, hope all goes well and you only need a spruce up and nothing serious!
 
Oh my god my insides have just fallen out! You are fabulous! 🙂

Snortingly funny, Northe! Ive just had a properly good chuckle 🙂 xx
 
That's another keyboard gone west. I really should learn not to read these things while drinking my tea!
 
Actually, I just remembered that a yoghurt-based diet is not possible for diabetics anyway. Remember 'Banned from Eating Yoghurt'? (M.R. = Market Research)

Welcome everybody, to our M.R. seminar,
We hope you’ll learn essential stuff to make your work go far!
Your work has hidden dangers, though you may not be aware,
So please proceed with caution, and always take good care.

The main thing you should learn here – and this may save your life! –
Is don’t approach a bloodied man who’s carrying a knife!
But nearly as important, and this may cause surprise,
Never offer diabetics your yoghurt, buns or pies!

They may seem meek and gentle, and smile and say hello,
But offer them some yoghurt and very soon you’ll know
They change from being human, they growl and snarl and spit!
Something must slake their bloodlust – you’re standing near – you’re it!

Don’t think you can outrun them, you’ll find no place to hide,
For once they’ve tasted yoghurt they’ll hunt you far and wide!
Their eyes go wild and crazy, they thrash and scream and shout!
So keep your yoghurt hidden when diabetics are about!

:D
 
Wow, Northerner, your poems are just brilliant. I don't know how you can just take a topic and turn it into a poem. 🙂
 
Lovin' your work, Northey!!

(BTW, I did a yoghurt tasting Market Research last week - who can resist ?10 for 10 mins 'work' - I'd love a job with a rate of ?60 per hour, lol. I can report there was 100% no blood spilled in the name of Activia! 😛 )

xx
 
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