Teens and not wanting to do their stuff

[Thebearcametoo]

My kid is now 14 and has had T1D since he was 8. We’ve had our ups and downs as is expected. He’s had a few months of really not wanting to engage. Taking forever to replace his pump and/or sensor. Running high a lot especially if he’s been really late putting the new cannula on. He’s missed clinics since June because he didn’t want to go. All the usual fed up ness of having a chronic condition.

My approach is to not push as long as there is some insulin going in at some point and I get some sleep at some point. If you were to look at a lot of his numbers you’d be horrified. A lot of time in the high teens and a fair bit that just shows as HIGH on the Dexcom. When he’s looping happily his hba1c is really low (mid 30s is common). He went to clinic today and was a bit apprehensive about what they would say (they are always lovely and they get how hard it is) and we were taking bets on his hba1c. I guessed 47. It was 48. So even with lots of time well out of range he’s hit the target hba1c.

I hope this gives anyone who is stressing some reassurance.

The team were great and he really engaged and is coming up with some coping mechanisms and things to change that might make it easier. He saw the team psychologist and was chatty (he often just shrugs) and will see her again in a couple of weeks. I’m sure it will still be a drudge to do it all but it’s lovely to see him engage.

 

[trophywench]

I'm very pleased to hear what you've just told us! There are definitely times when we can so easily be our own worst enemy though I didn't find out about me doing just that until well into my adulthood when it was - mostly - too late to rectify.

Because I'm now 'of that age' when some of my peers are shuffling off their mortal coils I have recently been reflecting about my past more than I usually like to do. It is true though that I can recall such things clearly whereas I have no idea what the weather was like yesterday, and hardly ever know what day it is when I get out of bed! I usually remember why I've gone in the kitchen though, so I don't think I'm completely gaga as yet. Hope not, anyway 😉

 

[SimonP]

It's interesting reading about teenagers not wanting to treat their diabetes and I'm curious as to how prevalent this is. I'm guessing at least part of this is down to someone's personality. I am probably quite weird but never had these issues - I wasn't particularly happy about being diabetic, but I never stopped treating it, nor did I see hurting myself as a method pf rebelling. I was away at boarding school from 11, which may or may not have helped - there was no-one telling me to do anything regarding my diabetes (so I guess that removes one rebellion method), it was my responsibility (with backup/remote help from my parents and really good support from the staff and medical centre and my friends at school if I asked for it.)

I used to hate going to the clinic too, mainly as I didn't really want to have blood taken, and knew I'd be chided for running too low (low HbA1C), though the paediatric clinic seemed pretty good and this was once I moved to the teenager/adult clinic path. I would also be told not to eat any sugar (dieticians, where is my voodoo doll....) despite having just been told off because my HbA1C was too low. Seemed like a complete waste of time.

As I said above, I may well just be odd in that I didn't rebel and refuse to treat my diabetes, but I'm curious to know whether there are others like me! 🙂

 

[helli]

I was diagnosed with diabetes as an adult so didn’t have the teenage non-compliance stage.
The closest experience I had was wearing a brace for my teeth. At first I was fully compliant. Probably because I disliked my buck teeth so much.
However, over time, as my teeth straightened out, I started to dislike the discomfort and “being different” more and more. I would take my brace out when I left home to go to school.
Then, my brace was “downgraded” to a night time only brace. I never wore it - it would be taken out of the bathroom when I cleaned my teeth and placed under my pillow.
Straight teeth are not as important as BG levels but to some extent, I understand the teenage desire to not stand out too much (or to be able to chose when to be different).

 

[Thebearcametoo]

Everyone’s different. My kid is stubborn and HATES having to do anything whereas his brother likes clear rules and boundaries. Add in teenage issues around bodies and bodily autonomy and it’s difficult for him sometimes. I know it doesn’t last forever though so and he’s in a better patch at the moment but then I also know that he’ll have rough days again.

 

[SimonP]

First of all, sorry I have lead the thread off course, if a mod wants to break my posts out elsewhere then please feel free to do so.

I was diagnosed with diabetes as an adult so didn’t have the teenage non-compliance stage.
The closest experience I had was wearing a brace for my teeth. At first I was fully compliant. Probably because I disliked my buck teeth so much.
However, over time, as my teeth straightened out, I started to dislike the discomfort and “being different” more and more. I would take my brace out when I left home to go to school.
Then, my brace was “downgraded” to a night time only brace. I never wore it - it would be taken out of the bathroom when I cleaned my teeth and placed under my pillow.
Straight teeth are not as important as BG levels but to some extent, I understand the teenage desire to not stand out too much (or to be able to chose when to be different).

I had standard (I guess) teenage non-compliance with other things (drinking, late nights, late mornings, going where and doing things you're not supposed to, etc), though I guess that most of the time I was at school, so it wasn't my parents' rules I was breaking, so this very rarely manifested in arguments with them. For bigger picture stuff I tended to see the logic of what they were trying to tell me and tended to agree with it as it made sense. I must admit my school rebelliousness was also not very extreme - I would always (and still do - personality I guess) determine the cost-benefit to decide whether it was worth breaking a given rule, though I am certainly reasonably non-conformist these days (though again, cost-benefit still comes into it!)

I understand the "not standing out" thing, but I never really found being diabetic made me stand out. Though perhaps it's just that I did stand out but not in what I considered a bad way - in order to make life work at school I was allowed to do things that perhaps were seen as advantages rather than a negative difference - e.g. I could jump the queue to the refectory if I was running low; I had a key to get into one of the adult-only areas where my insulin and emergency snacks were stored; could go back to the dorm to get food from my tuckbox if I needed it; had snacks by the side of the rugby pitch, etc.

I'd never really thought about it before, but perhaps those advantageous factors, which were effectively allowing me to break the school rules which other pupils had to obey, and with diabetes not being involved with anything/anyone I might want to rebel against (it would have had to be me rebelling against myself), the diabetes and its treatment just remained a thing to do in the background while getting on with teenage (and the rest of) life.

 

[Sally71]

I think I’ve been very lucky that my daughter is not a rebellious type and has always just got on with it where her diabetes is concerned. I think a lot of it comes down to personality. She certainly didn’t like being different, but not looking after her diabetes never seemed to be an issue, whether she was frightened of what might happen to her I don’t know. She was diagnosed at 6 years old and can’t now remember not having diabetes, so it’s just a part of life for her. We did have an issue in the early days that a cannula insertion went wrong and the only way I could get it off again was by inflicting pain; understandably that put her off for a while and we had to chase her around the house to get cannula changes done, until about 4 months later it suddenly dawned on her that the whole procedure would be a lot less unpleasant if she just let us get it over and done with quickly, and since then we haven’t looked back. At the time taking a pump break didn’t seem like an option, so we just carried on trying to persevere until she got over the problem!
At 15 she was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum and since then has developed some other problems, one of which renders her unable to walk at the moment and she is in a wheelchair. So she’s different in many ways now but seems to just embrace it and get on with life as best she can. Have to say, I’m proud of her!