Teenage angst

[mikedicks]

Hi All,

I have a 14 year-old son, Callum, who has type 1, diagnosed last year. Since diagnosis, not because of it, his mother and I have split up, and while that's still a raw area for her in particular, we're facing a problem with Callum. Last week he was admitted to hospital after being sick 2-3 times and becoming very ill.

It turns out he's not been measuring his sugars regularly, and although he's been compensating for his carb intake with injections, he's been working on no, or very little information about his background levels - which led to two nights in ICU.

The hospital did a great job of getting him back on his feet, and we thought it may have taught him a valuable lesson (it did us) but a week later his mother and I have both had instances where he has not tested before a meal, and lied to us that he had - this weekend during his birthday dinner - which led to a bit of an embarrassing lecture from me in front of his mates.

I understand how tricky it is for a teenager going through this - life never seems fair when you are 14 - and in his case it's really not, but I am at a loss for ways to get him back into a regular routine - and get him to take responsibility for his insulin and bloods again.

I'm sure it's been covered here before, but if anyone can offer some advice on ways they have motivated or dealt with a similar teenage rebellion - I'd really appreciate it.

Especially if you're an estranged parent - at the moment we're not managing to communicate about this without a bunch of other issues coming up - and I need a strategy that'll help me to help him from a distance.

m

 

[Northerner]

Hi Mike, welcome to the forum 🙂 Very sorry to hear about your relationship and how it appears to have affected your son. We have lots of experienced parents here who hopefully will be able to relate to your experience and give you some good advice. I moved your post to its own thread so it would't get lost.

As well as here, you might find the Children with diabetes website useful. They have an active email support list with lots of parents willing and able to support you and your son through this:

http://www.childrenwithdiabetesuk.org/

 

[novorapidboi26]

The best people for the job are like minded teenagers who are experienging the same things and controlling the condition succesfully and unsuccessfully......

My control was not the best when I was that age and I am doing ok now, but I have already got minor background retinopathy in the eyes.......

So it really does take its toll.........unfortunately I dont think there are many teens on here, just a small handful......

Next stop.....children with diabetes website.......🙂

 

[bev]

Sorry to hear your son is going through so much (and you by the sounds of it).
My son is 12 and was diagnosed 2 years ago. He is normally very good at monitoring himself but he has tried to cut corners on a few occasions. I treat it like anything else to be honest. If he doesnt tidy his bedroom, do his homework, do chores etc - then there are consequences and I carry them out.🙂
I take the view that diabetes is just another way of them rebelling - but this time it has more severe consequences. I normally confiscate items like his ipod or phone etc for a day or two and this seems to work. ( I have only had to do this 2 or 3 times). It is a tricky age to have to 'get through' to sometimes - but perseverance is the key and also consistancy. It must be hard not having communication with your wife - but you both need to be singing from the same hymm sheet and your son needs to know that there will be consequences if he abuses his diabetes. I know that I sound hard - but looking after their health is non-negotiable in my view and will only help their long term health. I feel its much better to go through some turbulent times now with them - than be faced with a future full of complications. Unfortunately there are many people on here in their 20's who already have signs of complications - and by their own admission its mostly down to them ignoring the fact that they were diabetic. You will be doing the right thing by your son by insisting that he monitors himself properly. If you feel he is lying to you - take a look at his meter and that is proof enough that he hasnt tested.🙂Bev

 

[Copepod]

Welcome Mike
I wasn't diagnosed until after my teens, and I'm not an estranged parents, so can't help with personal memories, but there are several people around who are parents of teens or who aren't long past their teens, who may be able to give their side of the story - which often seems to be feeling invincible as teens and only realising complications caused by poor control later in life.
In the meantime, I can only suggest using in the search function to find such threads where these issues were discussed - try "Teen", "Teenage" and Teenager".
Good luck - it's a tough situation for you all, but we'll try to help you.

 

[Northerner]

Another possibility, if you want to talk directly to someone, is Diabetes UK Careline service http://www.diabetes.org.uk/How_we_help/Careline/

I've never used the helpline personally, but they may be able to point you at other resources available to you.

 

[Twitchy]

Hi Mike,

Sorry to hear things are a bit challenging at the moment. My background is I was diagnosed at 11 months old (am now in my 30s), my mum died when I was 13 so although it was obviously different from a parental split, it was a major negative life event, so to speak. Dad also had various less than brilliant relationships throughout (& since lol!) my teens which were pretty disruptive too.

I think Bev gives some sound advice about consequences, but also wonder whether some positive reward system (in combination) might work well? I.e, if there is something big that he would really want (school skiing trip, iphone, that kind of thing, not sure how the finances are just thinking what teens are into these days! 🙄), he could 'earn' it with blood tests, HbA1c results, etc?... I guess the trick is to make sure he knows the diabetes is important without making it a big bone of contention between you... and the flip side of both of these strategies is that whatever you do he really really needs to understand the links between blood glucose results, what they mean, and how to affect/ control them with insulin. If all he sees is people asking him to test & then ticking him off for getting poor results, he will just get terribly frustrated & demotivated & rebel all the more. (I know I did!) Has he done any kind of diabetes education course, such as DAFNE? I know it was an eye-opening life changer for me...

The one thing I would say is don't give up on him - try not to make it a massive source of rows etc but don't let him feel that you aren't bothered about him or his diabetes (I'm certain you are bothered, otherwise you wouldn't be on here! 😉) but that whatever happens he still matters deeply to you & you are concerned about how he controls his diabetes because you love him & want him to be well (not because you're getting at him, being a teen I guess that's what it will feel like, doh!).

Not sure if any of that helps, but wishing you all the very best. Good luck!

 

[Shevicks]

Hi Mike,

No experience of this at all, but I did have a suggestion that may or may not be appropriate. Money seems to be a big motivator to the teenagers in my life, and they are all very interested in technology. Is it possible to obtain one of the BS monitors that plugs directly into a computer, and software that can keep records and produce reports etc. Perhaps then, when you see him, you would be able to see when he had tested and reward accordingly. Hopefully he will become the most diligent tester, and you have some deep pockets!

I think in some situations, there is nothing wrong with a little bribery and corruption. x

 

[Patricia]

Hi mike

Completely agree w advice here. Our son is 14, diagnosed nearly two years ago. So far touch wood he has been keen to keep testing and watching his numbers. What we have noticed though is that he wants more independence about decisions in response to numbers - which we let him have. This has resulted in some odd numbers and lessons, etc, but seems to help him feel trusted.

I too think it imp to reward and to not give up. Maybe use examples of people who have really struggled and consequently have some early complications. He needs to know this is real. But then a proper conversation about what he can bear and not bear, along w your thoughts on what he absolutely MUST do. Perhaps find some things you can compromise on in return....

The more HE decides and agrees, the better. But it does seem imp for you and his mother to be a united front here, maybe even sitting down together. It will be hard for him to keep his diabetes together when maybe it feels like so much is falling apart? He needs to know that in this you are united, and always there for him, also helping him to keep some control.

The 'I don't care' thing can be for all sorts of reasons of course... But I think w you as a strong role model - boys need men! - he'll come through. Keep us posted.

Patricia