Struggling to emotionally cope with my sons diabetes, he is 19 and still lives at home with me, partner and younger sister. I get a small disability carers allowance as he needs supervision and support to help manage his condition.....however....he is constantly confrontational, lies about his blood readings, refuses to try manage himself properly and listens to no advice and in last couple of years there have been numerous hospital stays due to him running himself into the ground...been diabetic since age 12 but as he's got older and I have less control over helping him,its become a down hill slide, relations are breaking down, the constant worry and arguments is grinding the family down....struggling to know what is the best was to deal with it all....
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Struggling!!
- Thread starter Sarah-J
- Start date
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Hi Sarah-J, welcome. Unfortunately this isn't the first post describing the situation you find yourself in, and I don't think there's a easy solution because your son is now classed as an adult. I don't have any experience of this that I can share with you, but hopefully someone will come along with useful suggestions. Meanwhile, here's a virtual (((HUG))).
Northerner
Admin (Retired)
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
Hi Sarah, welcome to the forum 🙂 Very sorry to hear about the problems your son is experiencing 
Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for people of his age to rebel and try and ignore the fact they have diabetes - any attempt to try and get them to realise the harm they may be doing often falls on deaf ears or is seen as and intrusion by people who 'don't get it'. This is very unfair, and such a shame. It can be a bit of a vicious circle also, as poorly controlled blood sugar levels can cause huge mood swings, which can only help to magnify the reactions. It is such a shame, because just actually taking those few minutes each day to do the essentials, like testing and injecting, would be far, far easier for him to deal with than the guilt, anger and fights he is enduring. Diabetes can be hard to live with, but he's not making things any easier for himself.
I'm afraid I don't have any words of wisdom. We have quite a few members who have been through this themselves as they have grown up with diabetes, so hopefully they can offer so assurance and maybe some helpful tips. I wish you all well, and hope that he decides to control his diabetes, rather than letting it control him.
Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for people of his age to rebel and try and ignore the fact they have diabetes - any attempt to try and get them to realise the harm they may be doing often falls on deaf ears or is seen as and intrusion by people who 'don't get it'. This is very unfair, and such a shame. It can be a bit of a vicious circle also, as poorly controlled blood sugar levels can cause huge mood swings, which can only help to magnify the reactions. It is such a shame, because just actually taking those few minutes each day to do the essentials, like testing and injecting, would be far, far easier for him to deal with than the guilt, anger and fights he is enduring. Diabetes can be hard to live with, but he's not making things any easier for himself.I'm afraid I don't have any words of wisdom. We have quite a few members who have been through this themselves as they have grown up with diabetes, so hopefully they can offer so assurance and maybe some helpful tips. I wish you all well, and hope that he decides to control his diabetes, rather than letting it control him.
Maryanne29
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
Hi
I was a bit like your son when I was much younger. I didn't want to be seen as different and did not take possible complications seriously. Then when I was 30 and pregnant (not a great help in your son's case) a light came on and I realised my quality of life was in my hands. He might have to come to this conclusion himself rather than others keep telling him though. I have had complications but I was diagnosed in 1959 when treatment was very basic.
Because I rethought my attitude to diabetes I now have good quality of life and can manage the complications. It is worrying for you but there is possibly little you can do. Just support him until he turns things around.
Does he know any other T1s?
Not much help but I can appreciate how tough it must be for you.
Lots of love. 🙂
I was a bit like your son when I was much younger. I didn't want to be seen as different and did not take possible complications seriously. Then when I was 30 and pregnant (not a great help in your son's case) a light came on and I realised my quality of life was in my hands. He might have to come to this conclusion himself rather than others keep telling him though. I have had complications but I was diagnosed in 1959 when treatment was very basic.
Because I rethought my attitude to diabetes I now have good quality of life and can manage the complications. It is worrying for you but there is possibly little you can do. Just support him until he turns things around.
Does he know any other T1s?
Not much help but I can appreciate how tough it must be for you.
Lots of love. 🙂
jalapino
Chilli Man
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 2
Hi sarah 🙂
I think as your son is 19 and lets face it going through the ( I NO BEST AGE )
Maybe this is his way with dealing with it?
I remember being that age thinking nothing would hurt me and being invincible!!
As we grow older we all no this is not true!!! 🙂
It may help to back away and let him get on with it....as hard as it may be...then at least you are not in his eyes breathing down his neck and let him make his own mistakes and learn by them...im not saying that is the best thing to do but if the young man does not listen maybe that is a possibility?
I wish you all the best and hope he does come round but just remember he is a young man that is growing up with other peeps around him that may not have any medical problems and he might just be trying to fit in....and maybe trying to forget he actually has diabetes?
All the best x
I think as your son is 19 and lets face it going through the ( I NO BEST AGE )
Maybe this is his way with dealing with it?
I remember being that age thinking nothing would hurt me and being invincible!!
As we grow older we all no this is not true!!! 🙂
It may help to back away and let him get on with it....as hard as it may be...then at least you are not in his eyes breathing down his neck and let him make his own mistakes and learn by them...im not saying that is the best thing to do but if the young man does not listen maybe that is a possibility?
I wish you all the best and hope he does come round but just remember he is a young man that is growing up with other peeps around him that may not have any medical problems and he might just be trying to fit in....and maybe trying to forget he actually has diabetes?
All the best x
novorapidboi26
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
I also think it would be wise to back off a bit, taking the pressure off him might allow him to relax a bit more.........at 19 he should be doing everything him self and giving you a break............
I realise all family situations are different, so I hope it gets better soon.....
when was the last hospital stay and what happened, if you don't mind sharing of course....
🙂
I realise all family situations are different, so I hope it gets better soon.....
when was the last hospital stay and what happened, if you don't mind sharing of course....
🙂
Redkite
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Parent
Hi Sarah,
I don't have experience of this (and really hope I won't in the future!), as my son is only 12, but you have my sympathies. Other people in your situation have found it useful to give diabetes a lower profile - hopefully not for ever - by suggesting to their child (or contacting their child's clinic team and suggesting) that they go back onto twice daily injections. This simpler regimen, although not as "good" as the usual basal-bolus regimens, needs much less user input. As long as your son took his insulin twice a day he would be doing the minimum necessary to keep him well. It's not ideal of course, but better to have a twice daily routine that he can stick to rather than him having to think about diabetes all day and ending up with chaos. I would have a chat with him at a time when things are calm - don't bring up any "you should/you shouldn't" type things, just tell him you know he's been struggling and it seems as though diabetes is looming very large in his life at the moment and you want to help him. Be prepared to apologise for previous nagging etc. and excuse yourself on the grounds of being his Mum who loves him. I hope he can find a good solution.
I don't have experience of this (and really hope I won't in the future!), as my son is only 12, but you have my sympathies. Other people in your situation have found it useful to give diabetes a lower profile - hopefully not for ever - by suggesting to their child (or contacting their child's clinic team and suggesting) that they go back onto twice daily injections. This simpler regimen, although not as "good" as the usual basal-bolus regimens, needs much less user input. As long as your son took his insulin twice a day he would be doing the minimum necessary to keep him well. It's not ideal of course, but better to have a twice daily routine that he can stick to rather than him having to think about diabetes all day and ending up with chaos. I would have a chat with him at a time when things are calm - don't bring up any "you should/you shouldn't" type things, just tell him you know he's been struggling and it seems as though diabetes is looming very large in his life at the moment and you want to help him. Be prepared to apologise for previous nagging etc. and excuse yourself on the grounds of being his Mum who loves him. I hope he can find a good solution.
Hi, Like others have said i would back off a little. Have you talked to his Diabetic team ? I was a helper at a Duk week event last year & they do week/ weekend events for teenagers. Doing outdoor activities & talks in a nice mannor to get the best out of kids/teenagers. The others on the breaks encourage themselves. Really good luck 🙂🙂 let us know how you are getting on
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