Struggling to get partner to take their diabetes seriously.

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Lilly2323

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Relationship to Diabetes
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Hello!

Just looking for some advice really, my partner has T1 diabetes. For the last 2 and a half years, since I’ve known him, he’s stopped testing his blood sugars completely, hasn’t had a check up and has had a couple bad hypos. I’ve tried to have conversations about it with him so many times which is usually unproductive

He doesn’t even like the thought of taking the advice of medical professionals either because they’re also not diabetics. I’m really unsure of where to go next or how to have a productive conversation. I’ve asked him to use a monitor but he states he knows his bloods good enough without it. I just worry as I have many friends and family friends that have unfortunately seen the consequences of uncontrolled diabetes.

Basically just looking for some advice! I know you can’t help someone if they don’t want to help themselves, but I do worry!
 
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I'm sorry your partner is shutting out your justified concerns about his diabetes management. If he doesn't feel a non diabetic can understand, would he be prepared to discuss it on here, ie with diabetics?
 
Does he drive? If he has a hypo at the wheel, or has any sort of accident (even if not his fault) and can’t prove that he has tested his blood before driving, then he will lose his licence. That might give him the kick that he needs more than knowing that you are concerned. It sounds like he is sticking his head in the sand and trying to forget that he has diabetes, that must be so hard to watch.
 
Welcome to the forum @Lilly2323

Sorry to hear about how worried you are about your partner’s diabetes. It sounds like a very stressful situation. Sometimes as the person with diabetes, we don’t realise how much of an impact ‘our’ diabetes has on those who are close to us.

It sounds a little like he might be going through diabetes burnout, where the relentless requirements for ongoing self-management can become difficult to maintain.

The clinical evidence is pretty clear. People who check their levels more frequently have better management, and better outcomes. It isn’t possible to just rely on our own internal sense of how things are going - and deep down I think he knows that. Plus as you say, he has had some nasty lows, which kinda show that sometimes our internal gut feeling about levels is not enough to catch a drop to dangerously low levels. Plus if he is having lots of mild low blood glucose events (a couple of jelly babies and you are fine in 10 minutes) his body will be learning that these aren’t anything to worry about, and will stop alerting him until he gets a bit lower… and then a bit lower… and then… suddenly it’s ambulance time.

But keeping on top of diabetes can be a real drag. And checking your levels when what you get back are ‘bad’ numbers can be really demotivating, frustrating, and make you want to give up. You didn’t want to be doing this in the first place, right? But the numbers aren’t bad. They don’t reflect how much effort you are putting in, they aren’t a judgement on you. They are only information. Diabetes can be contrary, confusing and illogical. And it isn’t something we can completely control. We can only do our best to manage it day to day, moment by moment. And the goalposts constantly change. What worked last month, may need adjusting this month. And glucose results can help is decide what to do next. Can help us spot patterns. Can help us identify potential problems before they happen. Can ultimately make diabetes easier to live with.

Erratic and unpredictable glucose levels can have a direct negative impact on mood. Which can sap the energy you need to troubleshoot them just when you need it.

So I completely understand where he is coming from. But it’s not a long term solution.

As a US blogger once memorably wrote, “Diabetes is like a tiger. You can live with a tiger if you look after it carefully, keep it fed, and keep an eye on it. But if you get careless, if you ignore it, or turn your back on it… it can turn on you and rip you to shreds”

Hope he finds a way though this burnout period.

Let us know how things go.
 
Sally71 said:
Does he drive? If he has a hypo at the wheel, or has any sort of accident (even if not his fault) and can’t prove that he has tested his blood before driving, then he will lose his licence. That might give him the kick that he needs more than knowing that you are concerned. It sounds like he is sticking his head in the sand and trying to forget that he has diabetes, that must be so hard to watch.
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Unfortunately not! He has his driving licence but he currently doesn’t drive, otherwise this would be a great angle to go from. Thank you for taking the time to reply.
 
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I am sorry to read about the stress your partner's diabetes burnout (I agree with everything @everydayupsanddowns wrote about burnout).
It is rare that threats help in a situation like his but is he aware of the complications of diabetes.
Sometimes, the one that scares young men who want to act like an average healthy young man is
  • Sexual problems in men
    The amount of blood flowing to your sexual organs can be restricted which may cause you to have difficulty getting aroused. It may lead to erectile dysfunction, sometimes called impotence.
I assume you have told him how much you worry.
The way I finally got through to a partner with another issue that he would not take seriously was telling how much it was affecting me and, if he really cared about me and others around him like family and friends, he should seek help.
 
everydayupsanddowns said:
Welcome to the forum @Lilly2323

Sorry to hear about how worried you are about your partner’s diabetes. It sounds like a very stressful situation. Sometimes as the person with diabetes, we don’t realise how much of an impact ‘our’ diabetes has on those who are close to us.

It sounds a little like he might be going through diabetes burnout, where the relentless requirements for ongoing self-management can become difficult to maintain.

The clinical evidence is pretty clear. People who check their levels more frequently have better management, and better outcomes. It isn’t possible to just rely on our own internal sense of how things are going - and deep down I think he knows that. Plus as you say, he has had some nasty lows, which kinda show that sometimes our internal gut feeling about levels is not enough to catch a drop to dangerously low levels. Plus if he is having lots of mild low blood glucose events (a couple of jelly babies and you are fine in 10 minutes) his body will be learning that these aren’t anything to worry about, and will stop alerting him until he gets a bit lower… and then a bit lower… and then… suddenly it’s ambulance time.

But keeping on top of diabetes can be a real drag. And checking your levels when what you get back are ‘bad’ numbers can be really demotivating, frustrating, and make you want to give up. You didn’t want to be doing this in the first place, right? But the numbers aren’t bad. They don’t reflect how much effort you are putting in, they aren’t a judgement on you. They are only information. Diabetes can be contrary, confusing and illogical. And it isn’t something we can completely control. We can only do our best to manage it day to day, moment by moment. And the goalposts constantly change. What worked last month, may need adjusting this month. And glucose results can help is decide what to do next. Can help us spot patterns. Can help us identify potential problems before they happen. Can ultimately make diabetes easier to live with.

Erratic and unpredictable glucose levels can have a direct negative impact on mood. Which can sap the energy you need to troubleshoot them just when you need it.

So I completely understand where he is coming from. But it’s not a long term solution.

As a US blogger once memorably wrote, “Diabetes is like a tiger. You can live with a tiger if you look after it carefully, keep it fed, and keep an eye on it. But if you get careless, if you ignore it, or turn your back on it… it can turn on you and rip you to shreds”

Hope he finds a way though this burnout period.

Let us know how things go.
Click to expand...
Thankyou so much for your thoughtful reply.

I have thought that he is in a period of burnout for sure. I’ve also tried to bring this up lightly but he says he’s not ignoring it because he’s taking his insulin.

I completely get that I’m never going to fully understand the effects of diabetes or how it feels to deal with it day in and day out. However, I have tried my best to research and understand it as well as I can and honestly it just scares me knowing how little he is doing.

He keeps saying that he is fine so far, that he doesn’t have to go into hospital and that he’s only had a couple of bad hypos (all of which have been since he’s stopped testing his bloods) even though I’ve had to call ambulances for some of these!
Again thank you for your reply, I really do appreciate you taking the time today.
 
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helli said:
I am sorry to read about the stress your partner's diabetes burnout (I agree with everything @everydayupsanddowns wrote about burnout).
It is rare that threats help in a situation like his but is he aware of the complications of diabetes.
Sometimes, the one that scares young men who want to act like an average healthy young man is
  • Sexual problems in men
    The amount of blood flowing to your sexual organs can be restricted which may cause you to have difficulty getting aroused. It may lead to erectile dysfunction, sometimes called impotence.
I assume you have told him how much you worry.
The way I finally got through to a partner with another issue that he would not take seriously was telling how much it was affecting me and, if he really cared about me and others around him like family and friends, he should seek help.
Click to expand...
Thankyou for replying, I really appreciate the advice.

I have spoken about the long term health effects with him but I think because it’s not happening to him right now he doesn’t really take them seriously. Again maybe another burnout sign of just ignoring the seriousness?

I have yes, I have also spoken about how I’m worried for the future with him about his health and how this will impact the both of us. Seemed like a very productive conversation in summer and he did say he would manage it better, even spoke about getting an arm glucose monitor. However, it’s now a few months down the line with now much having changed.

 
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Lilly2323 said:
He does not no, I have tried to encourage him to think about getting one but he’s not been super keen for a few different reasons. This is an ongoing conversation between us about him getting one.
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The problem is with unmanaged BG levels, is you can get used to them. Thinking everything is “hunky dory.”
Since I started using them, it’s been an eye opener between the meter tests.

It could even have a positive impact in that he may be doing better than initially thought?
 
Hi @Lilly2323

I'm sorry to hear how worried you are about your partners diabetes.

There is a 2 week Libre sensor trial here https://www.freestyle.abbott/uk-en/getting-started/sampling.html

There are a few qualifying questions basically do you have diabetes, name address etc and you need a compatible phone. I wonder if your partner would consider applying for a 2 week Libre trial ie 1 sensor without any need to involve Drs/nurses/hospitals. Sensors are fascinating at opening up what's going on around the clock. I lived in the dark with my diabetes for years I was cross, angry, not wanting to know, feeling judged, I hated even hearing the word diabetes. Sensors and tech weren't around back then but the availability of amazing tech today really does open up a new world of information and helps you to know where to start. Maybe things will be ok or if they're not then it gives you the information on where to start. If he decides to trial a sensor they are availible on prescription. Sensors are addictive - once you see that information it is hard to go back!

Where does he get seen for diabetes GP/Hospital - if he is seen. Has he had a review for his insulin prescription at the GPs?

Not engaging with diabetes might work for a while but it is a risky strategy however well you may feel, there is no shame in feeling this way especially growing up with so many more fun and interesting things going on in your life. It doesn't need to be a battle to look after your diabetes, people want to help and there is fantastic tech that removes the guesswork from it. Putting diabetes back in its box where you do what you need to do to be as well as possible is a great step to take, it is a hard step but it is the best thing you can do to get on with a healthy life.

Wishing you well
 
Flower said:
Hi @Lilly2323

I'm sorry to hear how worried you are about your partners diabetes.

There is a 2 week Libre sensor trial here https://www.freestyle.abbott/uk-en/getting-started/sampling.html

There are a few qualifying questions basically do you have diabetes, name address etc and you need a compatible phone. I wonder if your partner would consider applying for a 2 week Libre trial ie 1 sensor without any need to involve Drs/nurses/hospitals. Sensors are fascinating at opening up what's going on around the clock. I lived in the dark with my diabetes for years I was cross, angry, not wanting to know, feeling judged, I hated even hearing the word diabetes. Sensors and tech weren't around back then but the availability of amazing tech today really does open up a new world of information and helps you to know where to start. Maybe things will be ok or if they're not then it gives you the information on where to start. If he decides to trial a sensor they are availible on prescription. Sensors are addictive - once you see that information it is hard to go back!

Where does he get seen for diabetes GP/Hospital - if he is seen. Has he had a review for his insulin prescription at the GPs?

Not engaging with diabetes might work for a while but it is a risky strategy however well you may feel, there is no shame in feeling this way especially growing up with so many more fun and interesting things going on in your life. It doesn't need to be a battle to look after your diabetes, people want to help and there is fantastic tech that removes the guesswork from it. Putting diabetes back in its box where you do what you need to do to be as well as possible is a great step to take, it is a hard step but it is the best thing you can do to get on with a healthy life.

Wishing you well
Click to expand...
Oh wow I didn’t realise there was a way you can trial out a sensor! That’s great I will definitely bring this up to him and see what he thinks.

Thankyou for taking the time to reply I really appreciate it, it would put my mind much more at ease if I knew he had a sensor, I’m sure after a while it would put his mind at ease also!
 
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The Libre sensors were a game changer for many of us and in some respects it turned my diabetes into a sort of long running computer game rather than managing a serious health condition. It can be addictive and fascinating and I think men are often quite into tech toys, so having one might just be the means to turn a corner with him. However Libre can also be frustrating and overwhelming and you have to understand it's limitations which we have a list of documented here if he decides to go for this option, but the 2 week trial would be worth doing and you can self fund (many of us did in the early days) although it is very expensive. This should not be necessary, but it will take time to get them on prescription if he is not even on the books of a new GP practice, so it might be something to consider short term if he likes the free trial. If you do a search on Freestyle Libre you should find the free 14 day trial on the Abbott Laboratories website.
 
Lilly2323 said:
Thankyou for taking the time to reply I really appreciate it, again that sensor 2 week trial looks great. It would put my mind much more at ease if I knew he had a sensor, I’m sure after a while it would put his mind at ease also!
Click to expand...

As a person with T1, he automatically qualifies for sensors on the NHS, if he would like to use them.

I’ve remembered this ‘diabetes etiquette’ card from the Behavioural Diabetes Institute, which may give you some ideas about ways to have more positive conversations about diabetes (though these may all be strategies you are using already!

http://behavioraldiabetes.org/xwp/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/BDIAdultEtiquetteCard.pdf
 
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