• Please Remember: Members are only permitted to share their own experiences. Members are not qualified to give medical advice. Additionally, everyone manages their health differently. Please be respectful of other people's opinions about their own diabetes management.
  • Screening for type 1 diabetes: We now have a new forum section which is for parents who, after having their child screened for type 1, have received a positive result that at some stage their child will be diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. Where possible, please do offer your support and experiences of having a child diagnosed. https://forum.diabetes.org.uk/boards/forums/screening-for-type-1-community-chat.59/
  • We seem to be having technical difficulties with new user accounts. If you are trying to register please check your Spam or Junk folder for your confirmation email. If you still haven't received a confirmation email, please reach out to our support inbox: support.forum@diabetes.org.uk

Son doesn't want to know

Status
This thread is now closed. Please contact Anna DUK, Ieva DUK or everydayupsanddowns if you would like it re-opened.
D

Daphniesmum

New Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Parent of person with diabetes
My son (21) diagnosed a month ago. He is quite solitary - at uni - and doesn't have a lot of friends. I've suggested that he joins in a forum as I've found it really useful to talk to people in similar situations. He hasn't done anything and won't even go on Facebook sites which I've found have offered really good advice and information.
I don't want to keep going on about it, but I can't seem to get through to him that it would make it easier to talk with others of a similar age with Type 1.
 
Perhaps it wouldn't - for him.

We ARE all different - and he needs to get his head round it however HE can, doesn't he?

The important thing is - that he knows that help and encouragement IS available at all hours of the day and night, whenever and what ever he might need.
 
Thing is he's only been diagnosed for a month so would imagine he's still getting his head around it all.H has been dx 4 years and he wouldn't join a forum - but will listen when I suggest something I've read on here .... [or pretends to!]
 
It's very hard for you, wanting to support him when he's already "launched" into the world as a young adult. Can I recommend the book "Type 1 Diabetes in Children, Adolescents and Young People" by Ragnar Hanas - it's suitable for all ages and gives really clear information in a positive can-do style. Maybe get a copy for your son and one for yourself?

When/if he feels ready, I'm sure he's capable of finding online support groups himself, but there are good and bad ones out there, and perhaps as he's so recently diagnosed, he's just taking things a day at a time.

There should be student support services at the Uni, which he should speak to. If he's in Uni accommodation, he needs his own fridge in his room (which they can arrange) - insulin shouldn't be kept in shared fridge. Also, exams access arrangements can be made, so that he can have his testing kit and hypo remedies in the exam hall with him, and can have extra time added on if he suffers a hypo during an exam.
 
I would give him some space too. I never used to let anyone know I was T1 until I was about 20 (from being 3). Anything they could do I thought the same. Life ! Everyone has a thing about being T1 but don't let it get him done. Really really good luck🙂
 
It must be really hard for you to watch him going through something so difficult and not be able to help. It might just be too soon for him to talk to other people about it. Everyone is different but it took me about three months to get my head around it all, and for him it's a very tricky time, being at uni and just starting out as a adult. He might just need a bit of time to let it all sink in before he can start to adjust. It can take a while to really come to terms with it all, and a little while longer to want to talk. Why not give him a bit of space till the new year and then have a chat with him and see where he's up to?
 
I agree with what's been said so far. I kept my diabetes to myself for a long time not wanting to make a fuss or draw attention to myself and still do to a certain extent in the real world. (I'm still not 100% confident of testing in all public situations and will nearly always try and inject away from public view). When I was diagnosed it was well before things like the internet and I didn't know anyone else who was diabetic but managed to survive. I only joined this forum a month or so ago. :D

I'm sure your son is capable of coping and will seek advice when he needs it. The amount of information available at the click of a button is incredible. As others have said everyone is different with diagnosis - some wish to broadcast it and share it with the world and others just get on with it - we all cope in different ways.
 
Thank you SO much for all your replies and advice. I think you're right to say that I should leave him for a while and then see how he's feeling about it. I was devastated when he was first diagnosed. His main worry is that he wants to work in the US and is worried about how T1 would work out with their medical insurance etc. I was getting upset thinking that all his future plans could be in ruins because of it. It's just such a lot to take in, so suddenly. His whole life, and possibly, future changed overnight.
 
Oh he'll get insurance OK, it's just the cost of it he won't like but he wouldn't like it anyway with nowt wrong with him! (If he's employed there anyway, that's his employers prob, isn't it?) That won't stop him - not if he wants to do something!

Hate to say this luv - but think it's you in danger of being a bit of a drama queen here - he's not a baby now - and he would probably cringe if he read this thread ! I would have - in fact I was married when I was diagnosed, and yes I did fall apart and wanted my mom - for about two hours - but a few days later I had I had to tell her to desist now!
 
I hope that, once he's got his head around it, he takes a positive view of things, deals with the inconveniences and doesn't let it stand in his way of doing anything. There are some jobs that might not be available (commercial airline pilot, armed forces) but apart from that it's something that people have coped with and achieved the highest levels in their chosen field - there are many elite sportsmen and women who are Type 1, racing drivers, prima ballerinas (probably not something he can consider, but you get the idea! 🙂

A month is a very short time for something like this, I very much doubt if it has really sunk in yet and he's probably at the stage still where it doesn't feel real and he'll soon be able to stop those injections and carry on as 'normal'. I'd say it took me several months before it started to sink in for me and I was 49 at diagnosis!

Good luck to him, and also to you - I know just how my mum would have been about me, and it's exactly like you - a perfectly normal reaction, but do try not to worry and hopefully you'll both start to find your way. If you have any questions for us, please do ask, and hopefully the fact that there are loads of people here who have managed well - some for decades! - will reassure you 🙂
 
Do keep in touch though, and try not to worry too much. He might need you, he might want to deal with it on his own, there's no way of knowing until he's adjusted. His life will be different, but the key thing he needs to realise is different isn't necessarily bad. The natural default setting for a Mum is try and fix things, perfectly natural (my Mum lives with me, and I was diagnosed at 40 and it was her default too🙂). Don't worry too much if he looks like he's not coping very well either, having a wobble or two at the beginning is normal, as is the occasional strop. If he wants to work in the US and is worried about insurance and the like then lots of companies offer medical and dental as part of their package to employees so he might want to do some research and find out which companies he's interested in and the benefits they offer. Just to make him feel a bit more positive. Hope everything improves and you start to feel better about it all, last year when I was diagnosed I felt like my whole world had come crashing down around me, but I feel completely different now, so hang on in there.
 
trophywench said:
Oh he'll get insurance OK, it's just the cost of it he won't like but he wouldn't like it anyway with nowt wrong with him! (If he's employed there anyway, that's his employers prob, isn't it?) That won't stop him - not if he wants to do something!

Hate to say this luv - but think it's you in danger of being a bit of a drama queen here - he's not a baby now - and he would probably cringe if he read this thread ! I would have - in fact I was married when I was diagnosed, and yes I did fall apart and wanted my mom - for about two hours - but a few days later I had I had to tell her to desist now!
Click to expand...

Sorry. but being told that "I'm being a bit of a drama queen! and that "my son would probably cringe if he read this". is not terribly helpful. Maybe you thought that was useful advice, but I found it quite hurtful.
 
Sorry - but I just wanted to stress that there's no need to stress any more than you would anyway, even if he didn't have diabetes - cos we all do that, don't we? you just need to take it in your stride the same as I'm sure you did mumps or measles, falling off his bike or out of trees, etc that he had and did as a kid. Sympathy - oh yes! - but he is an adult - so the important thing is to treat him as one.

Thing is you see - you already know he can do anything he wants to practically cos we've been assuring you of that - and no way Pedro is diabetes going to stop him - so tell him we welcome him to the Club no-one ever wanted to join - and if he wants to ask questions - there simply IS no 'daft' question about diabetes, so he should never think his question might be one! ASK!!

By the way, I'm a mother (albeit step) with 7 grandbabies and one great grandbaby, and I'm friends with all except one, but I spose when there are a lot maybe you might get a bit more blasé about it? Dunno!
 
I have just thought - actually - I don't have a great deal of sympathy for you to be honest - mine is all with your son - cos I know exactly what he's facing - I was 22 and newly married/away from home!

It does make you feel as if you ARE alone - cos you know it's ALL down to YOU and NOBODY else.
 
Now I do have a great deal of sympathy for you, Daphniesmum, both my children are in their twenties, but I still worry about them. I think it goes with the territory, you can never stop wanting to help, even if you back off and keep it to yourself (because you don't want them to feel you don't trust them to get on with their lives). I know I would be googling stuff about working in the US and everything else, just so that if the day comes and I'm asked for advice, I've got some answers.
 
Hope you are ok. Concentrate on learning how to cope with it. There are some useful posts to read in different sections. I have been T1 since England won the world cup aged 3. I am still learning & no one will tell me I cant 🙂
 
I can understand you're just being a mum and worrying is in the job description but he is an adult and he will adjust and cope. But he has to do this in his own time and way and with the support of his diabetes care team. You can be supportive and be there for him when he needs someone to have a rant at but I think the best way you can help him is to help him help himself. And once he gets used to it he (and you) will realise it's not the end of the world and his life will go on much as before.
 
I would employ any T1 because they have to behave every day :D. Tell your son to get to USA & give em hell ! Good luck to him.
 
Status
This thread is now closed. Please contact Anna DUK, Ieva DUK or everydayupsanddowns if you would like it re-opened.
Back
Top