Social Isolation due to Diabetes

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Jenny65

Jenny65

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Hi all, hope you are having a lovely weekend.

I had a wobble last night, not food wise but emotionally. I suddenly felt really lonely and tearful. I know what the trigger was, well I think I do as this morning I was analysing where it came from. I think it was triggered because my recently married (got wed on 21st July) came over to collect his car that he parked at mine overnight when he attended a friends stag night and then offered to take me to Tesco for food. He had a look at my drinks cabinet before we left and took my full bottle of Baileys and Tia Maria, I said it was OK as dont drink really (they were bought for Christmas)...anyway this is the bit that affected me. My son said he wanted to make mini Guinness cocktails at a BBQ he was having today, we went around Tesco, me buying my normal food and him buying BBQ items. He said he would see if he could open up the invitation to me and his siblings as currently he was inviting only a couple that both of them knew, I was OK about it either way, he then said dont mention the BBQ to my daughter, which meant it had been discussed and we weren't invited.

Later last night I thought about the garden furniture I had bought them as a gift and how my sons fiancé at the time had said, "you must come over and see it at the next BBQ" I used to go to a lot of BBQs and social events there and frequently dog sit for their whippets.

I may be overreacting but I suddenly thought, it must be my diabetes as thats the only change and they want to have cocktails and eat good food and I would bring the tone down to health etc...I felt sad as although I dont mind not going, its the thought this may be a frequent pattern in all social events, will I be the social leper who no one wants to cater for? My sister and niece are vegan and have this happen to them and I realise how they feel now.
 
From what you have written before you may be restricting yourself more than many Type 2 folk would do in the foods you are having. At a BBQ there is more likely to be foods which would be suitable, meat, salads etc
These days there are people with so many different food preferences that somebody making a particular choice because they are diabetic does not stand out. Just as if people don't drink alcohol, and many more people now choose not to, nobody thinks twice.
Don't be so hard on yourself and enjoy the occasions.
 
Leadinglights said:
From what you have written before you may be restricting yourself more than many Type 2 folk would do in the foods you are having. At a BBQ there is more likely to be foods which would be suitable, meat, salads etc
These days there are people with so many different food preferences that somebody making a particular choice because they are diabetic does not stand out. Just as if people don't drink alcohol, and many more people now choose not to, nobody thinks twice.
Don't be so hard on yourself and enjoy the occasions.
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I do intend to enjoy occasions, I am just wondering if I will be invited to any. I went shopping with my daughter this week and there were lots of glittery sequin dresses in River Island (I love glitter and sparkle) Normally I dont fit the sizes there as they are quite small, but I found 2 beautiful sparkly dresses, one in a turquoise and one in a deep pink, I fitted them and felt good in them, then said to my daughter, thats Christmas and New Years Eve sorted, then remembered since working from home I dont go anywhere at all so wasnt much point getting the nice clothes. Last New Years Eve, My eldest son and his girlfriend invited my daughter and her boyfriend to hers, and my other son had a karaoke night with his friends, My eldest didnt invite me as his girlfriends mum wasnt going and she would be upset if I was there,. My younger son invited me to his but forgot to tell his fiance who had made other plans, she said I could still go but it was very much a couples evening, they wouldnt want an old single woman there to lower the vibe. That was when I wasnt diabetic (or didnt know I was) I sat alone with a bottle of red wine in my flat last new years eve and then burst into tears at midnight realising this was my life for many years to come, I split from my childrens father after 28 years together, we met at school, but apart from one other brief relationship after we split up I have remain single, not worried about being single, but as I get older I am feeling more and more excluded and lonely. I had some lovely friends but lost contact over lockdown and 2 have moved abroad, both parents no longer around so my adult children are all I have, I need to get out and socialise more I realise that, diabetes has just added another obstacle. sorry for the pity party rant :(
 
When I was first diagnosed I felt the same because I wouldnt eat bread, pasta, potatoes, cakes, white rice etc so I always offered to take my own food with me. I always say to people please dont offer me cakes or biscuits and dont be offended if I refuse them. I was at a party recently which was coffee/ tea and cakes. I said beforehand I will be bringing my own snack which the hosts were more than happy with. Could you host a BBQ at yours and invite people and cook some meats, chicken, veggies and make some nice salads? That way you can show them that being a diabetic isnt about being boring
 
Jenny65 said:
I do intend to enjoy occasions, I am just wondering if I will be invited to any. I went shopping with my daughter this week and there were lots of glittery sequin dresses in River Island (I love glitter and sparkle) Normally I dont fit the sizes there as they are quite small, but I found 2 beautiful sparkly dresses, one in a turquoise and one in a deep pink, I fitted them and felt good in them, then said to my daughter, thats Christmas and New Years Eve sorted, then remembered since working from home I dont go anywhere at all so wasnt much point getting the nice clothes. Last New Years Eve, My eldest son and his girlfriend invited my daughter and her boyfriend to hers, and my other son had a karaoke night with his friends, My eldest didnt invite me as his girlfriends mum wasnt going and she would be upset if I was there,. My younger son invited me to his but forgot to tell his fiance who had made other plans, she said I could still go but it was very much a couples evening, they wouldnt want an old single woman there to lower the vibe. That was when I wasnt diabetic (or didnt know I was) I sat alone with a bottle of red wine in my flat last new years eve and then burst into tears at midnight realising this was my life for many years to come, I split from my childrens father after 28 years together, we met at school, but apart from one other brief relationship after we split up I have remain single, not worried about being single, but as I get older I am feeling more and more excluded and lonely. I had some lovely friends but lost contact over lockdown and 2 have moved abroad, both parents no longer around so my adult children are all I have, I need to get out and socialise more I realise that, diabetes has just added another obstacle. sorry for the pity party rant :(
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Have you looked to see if there is a diabetes support group in your area? Very helpful and an opportunity to meet others in your situation. Most meet monthly and some run social events too. I did a course for free which is available all over the country . Its called the expert patients programme. To take part you need to have a long term health condition one of which is diabetes. It was 2 hours a week for 6 weeks. A small group of us plus those running the course. Really worthwhile, very helpful and its all confidential so people can talk about personal things and get advice/ help knowing it all goes no further.
 
Sounds like you’re making a bigger deal about food and drink than you need to, if you make it sounds to others like there’s a lot of food restrictions then of course they’d be nervous about catering for you. The reality is that you can eat anything though, you might watch portions on some things but diabetes doesn’t mean you need special food. Perhaps you need to explain that to people, or offer to bring a dish to share to events. Same for the vegans, people will find it hard to cater for them but if they offer to bring something it makes it easier for everyone.
 
I suspect it is more a case that your son was going to be having a BBQ for a specific set of friends and maybe mum and sister wouldn't be suitable guests? I'm sure your son will have other BBQs/parties and you will be invited. You are lucky that you have a son who can have a life and friends of his own and be prepared to cook for them and do cocktails! My 28 year old son in on the spectrum and finds socialising difficult except with a couple of old friends who he has known since uni.
I'm sure there will be many other social occasions you will go to...you're not a leper so please don't think of yourself as one x
 
Vonny said:
I suspect it is more a case that your son was going to be having a BBQ for a specific set of friends and maybe mum and sister wouldn't be suitable guests? I'm sure your son will have other BBQs/parties and you will be invited. You are lucky that you have a son who can have a life and friends of his own and be prepared to cook for them and do cocktails! My 28 year old son in on the spectrum and finds socialising difficult except with a couple of old friends who he has known since uni.
I'm sure there will be many other social occasions you will go to...you're not a leper so please don't think of yourself as one x
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Hi Vonny, I agree with this and understand this is the more likely reason, I think I have just become over sensitive and looking for things that are not actually there. My son works with me for the same ambulance trust, his wife is adorable and I am very close to her, we go on girlie weekends to see shows like Mamamia and always have a lot of fun, I am lucky with all my adult children's partners, they treat me so well, I think at the beginning I felt I had lost a little of myself but not being able to drink doesn't mean I will be dull, I will just remember things better and not have a hang over. I went out with my daughter and her boyfriend shopping today and am going to have a go at following a make up tutorial to learn how to look good (another wedding next weekend) I am 57 and still doing my make up like I did at 16 which is ridiculous, thank you for these words I was just having one of those moments xxx
 
I agree with @Vonny If your son had wanted to purposely keep you away and ‘hide’ the BBQ, he wouldn’t have mentioned it. It sounds like it was a BBQ for friends rather than family. That’s very normal. I don’t think for one minute that you were left out because of your diabetes.

I think your reaction is just related to your diagnosis and coming to terms with that. That has probably made you a little over-sensitive, which is completely understandable. Put it out of your mind. I’m sure you haven’t been ostracised because of your diabetes.
 
Nothing stays the same , things always change hope things change for you for the best soon. Don’t let them get you down.
 
Believe me, no one gives a toss. I had just one friend who said she was nervous about catering for me (we didn't know each other before my diagnosis). My answer was " serve whatever you want - I may only have a small amount, or not at all, but it's no reflection on your cooking". We're both happy with that and we've had great times together. If you don't make a big thing of it, neither will anyone else.
 
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