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SILLY SILLY LIMERICKS

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There once was a girl who intended
To keep herself morally splendid,
And ascend into Glory,
Which is not a bad story,
Except that is not how it ended.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
An ardent proponent of minimalism
Thought all other music was criminalism.
And what's even worse,
He believed rhyming verse
Was verging on bourgeois subliminalism.
 

pherbie

Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was a young woman from Norway
Who hung by her toes in the doorway.
She said to her man
Lying on the divan,
"I think I've discovered one more way."
 

pherbie

Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Not strictly a limerick, but worth adding......
The sexual urge of the camel is higher than anyone thinks.
One night in a moment of passion it tried to make love to the Sphinx.
But the Sphinx's vaginal passage was blocked by the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump on the camel and the Sphinx's inscrutable smile.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Now God was designing a mammal,
With beauty and grace without trammel,
By computer, of course.
The genetics said 'horse',
But the disk crashed and out came a camel.

If you feel that you're right on your beam ends.
If your gait is more rolling than seamen's,
And if camels in helmets
March over the pelmets,
You've a touch of delirium tremens.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
An uppercrust couple, the Chases,
Made love in some outrageous places;
In doorways and halls,
Zoos, restaurants, and malls,
And even at home, in some cases.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
On my high resolution display,
My computer turns work into play.
I catch politicians
In awkward positions,
And morph their excuses away.

I concede my computer now knows
More each day, for its memory grows.
But I still can't explain
How a silicon brain
Can know that I know that it knows!

Computers have minds of their own,
For PC'ers, this widely is known.
Windows is such a joke,
Gates' licence we'll revoke,
'Cause Macintosh seeds have been sown!
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Two researchers who never would quit,
Traced their family tree, they admit,
So far into the past
They discovered at last
Their ancestors climbing in it.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Said an old maid one fondly remembers,
"Now my days are quite clearly Septembers.
All my fires have burned low,
I'll admit that it's so,
But you still might have fun in the embers."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Another Spoonerick…

Dr. Spooner, his son at his side,
Went to witness two houses allied.
When the wedding was done,
Spooner said to his son,
"Now it's kisstomarry to cuss the bride."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was a young person named Tate,
Who went out to dine at 8.08:
But I will not relate
What Tate and his fine date
Ate, while tête-à-tête, at 8.08.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
The limerick's birth is unclear.
Its genesis owed much to Lear.
It started as clean,
But soon went obscene,
And this split haunts its later career.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was a young lady called Valerie,
Who started to count every calorie.
Said her boss in disgust,
"If you lose half your bust,
Then you're worth only half of your salary."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A clever young boy from South Wales
Once trained him an army of snails.
But Cardiff, in time,
Killed off all the slime
By flooding the streets in cheap ales.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was a young lady from Cam,
Who smiled as she entered a tram.
When she had embarked,
The conductor remarked,
'Your fare', and she said, "Yes, I am."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Tom Smith found some way of detaining
Anne White up in Cashier Training,
Bumped the intercom switch
While seducing her, which
The rest of us found entertaining.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
The truth about truth is elusive.
Is philosophy merely delusive?
What seems rubbish to you
May be for me true,
Which leaves everything inconclusive.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
To a lady he found rather fetching,
He said, "Let me show you my etching."
But he was a gent,
The guy really meant,
'Hey, baby, I'm hot for some leching!'
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
English cricket is currently such
It really wouldn't be much,
When a year is up,
And comes the World Cup,
They could even lose to the Dutch.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Said the Postmaster General, "Hurray!
I've something important to say.
The letter you send
From here to South Bend,
Costs less than a penny a day."
 
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