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SILLY SILLY LIMERICKS

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Said Oedipus Rex, growing red,
"Those head-shrinkers! Would they were dead!
They make such a bother
Because I love mother.
Well, should I love father instead?"
 

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Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Said a practical thinker, "One should
Help to kill superstition for good.
I, for instance, refuse
To observe the taboos,
With immunity, so far… touch wood."
 

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Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Tut-Ankh-Amen, best known as old Tankh,
Was a Pharaoh of infinite rank.
But his sarcophagus
Wouldn't cause all this fuss
If his name had been Freddy or Frank.
 

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Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was an old girl of Uganda,
Renowned for her coolness and candour.
When, during abuse,
Her spouse yelled, "You goose!"
She quickly retorted, "Uganda!"
 

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Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
An Eskimo on his vacation,
Took a night off to succumb to temptation.
'Ere the night was half through,
The Eskimo was, too,
For their nights are of six months duration.
 

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Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
For experimental results the world waited
On a cloth that was C-14 dated.
Disproving Turin's shroud
Made atheists proud,
But they still must explain how we're created.
 

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Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
His devout family said, "We insist.
Remain holy or you'll be dismissed."
Adding theology
To a science degree,
He became an ichthyologist.
 

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Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A maddening pet peeve of mine,
Is completing the very last line
Of an otherwise terse
And symmetrical verse,
So I just write it first… it works fine.
 

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Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A sensitive girl called O'Neill
Went on the fairground Big Wheel.
When half-way around,
She looked down at the ground,
And it cost her a two-dollar meal.
 

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Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was a small boy who wrote: "Dear Queen,
Aren't you on holiday near Aberdeen?
Could I come to stay?
It's not far away.
Declining would be terribly mean."
 

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Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Henley's a special regatta,
Where the 'gels' have their annual natter,
And puce-faced old chaps
Wear striped blazers and caps,
And the rowing just doesn't matter.
 

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Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
When you go to a store in Ascutney,
There is no use to ask them for chutney.
You may plead, you may tease,
You may go on your knees:
It will do you no good, they ain’t got any.
— Richard H. Field

At the village emporium in Woodstock,
Of chutney they keep quite a good stock;
They’re more given to gluttony
Than the folk of Ascutney,
Who neither of liquors or foods talk.
— Frederick Winsor
 

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Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
An erotic neurotic named Sid
Got his Ego confused with his Id.
His errant libido
Was like a torpedo,
And that's why he done what he did.
 

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Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A forward young fellow named Tarr
Had a habit of goosing his Ma.
"Go pester your sister,"
She said when he kissed her,
"I've trouble enough with your Pa."
 

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Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A philosopher from the Ukraine
Told his followers, "Never again!
I seek the sublime,
Not in women and wine,
But through exercise of my brain."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Once on the last ski-bus from Vail,
A lass I thought petite and frail,
Flashed me a toothsome smile,
And with very smooth guile,
Took the last seat… left me on the rail!
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was an old lady of Wales,
Who lived upon whisky and snails.
On growing a shell,
She exclaimed, "What the Hell!
It will save me on bonnets and veils."
 

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Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was a young woman of Ayr,
Tried to steal out of church during prayer,
But the squeak of her shoes
So enlivened the pews
That she sat down again in despair.
 

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Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A handsome young gasman from Chester,
Surprised a blonde housewife called Hester.
Said he, "This is sweeter
Than reading your meter."
So they then took a lengthly siesta.

A housewife called out with a frown,
When surprised by some callers from town,
'In a minute or less,
I'll slip on a dress',
But she slipped on the stairs and came down.
 

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Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
My girlfriend has hair of spun gold.
She's brassy, she's brash and she's bold.
She knows what to do,
And insists on it too,
So with her I do just as I'm told.

My girlfriend has hair almost white,
Translucent when seen in good light,
Without trace of a curl.
She's a delicate girl,
A delicious though fragile delight.
 
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