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SILLY SILLY LIMERICKS

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A mental disorder, Depression,
Quenches fun, excitement and passion.
It makes one feel blue
And downhearted too,
Until you've had more than your ration.

Now what can you do about this
To return to a state more like bliss.
You can do the reverse
Of what makes you worse,
And give all the downers a miss.

If you're eating too little, eat more.
If you're lazy, then run till you're sore.
So turn off the TV,
Get out and you will see
That you're rich when you thought you were poor.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
'Tis a favourite project of mine,
A new value of π to assign.
I would fix it at 3
For it's simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9.

If you should round your π to 3,
Then the wheel can no longer be.
Your car and your bike,
And little one's trike
Are sure to become history.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There once was a man who said, "God
Must think it exceedingly odd
If he finds that this tree
Continues to be
When there's no one about in the Quad."

"Dear Sir, Your astonishment's odd.
I am always about in the Quad,
And that's why the tree
Will continue to be,
Since observed by Yours faithfully, God."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
The Kings of Peru were the Incas,
Who were known far and wide as great drinkers.
They worshipped the sun
And had lots of fun,
But the peons all thought them great stinkers.

An Aztec once quite in a trance
Ate a peon and two of his aunts,
A cow and her calf,
A goat and a half,
And now he can’t button his pants.
- Mantissa

While searching on Google, one finds
That the Mayans had Gods of all kinds.
Gods of Wind, Sun and War
Show their piety, or
Else they just had deity minds.
- Joe Blob
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
An eavesdropping don at Emmanuel
Was told, "If you're wise, dear man, you'll
Abandon that habit,
Or you'll grow like a rabbit,
Or end up with ears like a spaniel."

Emmanuel = Emmanuel College, Cambridge
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was an old woman of Honiton,
Whose conduct I've written a sonnet on.
With a cold in her head,
She departed to bed
For a week, with her boots and her bonnet on.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
I wonder how King Arthur felt,
When one day Queen Guinevere knelt,
Saying, "Tell me, my pet,
How did Lancelot get
The key of my chastity belt?"
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Quoth a cow in the marshes of Glynne,
"All the world is divine, even sin.
As a natural creature,
I worship all nature,
But most when the bull rush is in."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was a young lady named Kate,
Who necked in the dark with her date.
When asked how she fared,
She said she was scared,
But otherwise doing first-rate.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Said a airy young lady from Metz,
Who kept ordering more crèpes suzettes,
"Of course I don't eat them,
But nothing can beat them
For a posh way to light cigarettes."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
An old-fashioned artist observes,
"These Modernists get on my nerves.
They eliminate grace
From both figure and face,
And substitute angles for curves."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was a great lord in Japan
Whose name on a Tuesday began.
It carried through Sunday
'Til twilight on Monday,
And sounded like stones in a can.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Victoria said, "We've no quarrel
With Shakespeare, but this is immoral!
His Measure for Measure
Incurs our displeasure…
We don't do such things at Balmoral."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There once was a fellow named Ray,
Who said in utter dismay,
"I really don't follow,
How can anyone swallow
The same pill three times a day?"
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
"Competition is keen, you'll agree,"
Said an ancient old flapper from Leigh.
So she dyed her grey tresses,
Chopped a foot off her dresses,
And her reason you plainly can see.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A tree surgeon, although a skilled chap,
Couldn't master one great handicap…
For despite being good
Treating sickness in wood,
He'd faint at the mere sight of sap.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
In Paris some visitors go
To see what no person should know.
And then there are tourists,
The purest of purists,
Who say it is quite comme il faut.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
'Tis strange how the newspapers honour
A creature that's called prima donna.
They say not a thing
Of how she can sing,
But write reams of the clothes she has on her.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Our vicar is good Parson Inge.
One evening he offered to sing,
So we asked him to stoop,
Put his head in a loop,
And pulled at each end of the string.
 
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