SILLY SILLY LIMERICKS

Ditto

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LOL that last line is a tongue twister, hasn't it got too many words or something? :D S'funny. I like gnu's.
 

Contused

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LOL that last line is a tongue twister, hasn't it got too many words or something? :D S'funny. I like gnu's.
Well, classically, a limerick should have 2 lines of 9 beats, followed by 2 lines of 6 beats, ending with one more line of 9 beats, such as…

an' a-one, an' a-two, an' a-three,
an' a-one, an' a-two, an' a-three,
an' a-one, an' a-two,
an' a-one, an' a-two,
an' a-one, an' a-two, an' a-three.

But many quite satisfactory limericks exist which are 8, 8, 5, 5, 8.
 

Contused

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A collector of snakes for a zoo
Tried to smuggle some dead ones in, too.
But the Customs inspector
Said, "I'm no collector,
But your carrion luggage won't do."
 

Ditto

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:D So funny.
 

Nemesis

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There was a young lady named Bright
Whose speed was faster than light;
She set out one day
in a relative way
and returned home the previous night!

Author Butler.
(1874-1944)
.........................☆☆☆☆............................

There's a notable family named Stein
There's a Gert & there's Ep & there's Ein;
Gert's prose is all bunk
Ep's sculpture just junk
and nobody understands Ein!

Anonymous.
.........................☆☆☆☆............................

A taxi-cab whore at Ivor
would do a round trip for a fiver;
Quite reasonable too
for a sightsee - a screw
and a fifty pence tip to the driver!

Victor Gray
1916

........................☆☆☆☆...............................

The breasts of a barmaid of Crale
were tattooed with the price of brown ale;
While on her behind
for the sake of the blind
was the same information in Braille!

Anonymous.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Totally made my day...thank you
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A Brockenhurst blonde girl named Cord-
elia, was standing quite bored,
In Watersplash Lane,
Since several days' rain,
And moodily gazed at the ford.

Along came a bloke in a car
As long as the Rose & Crown bar,
He shouted, "Hey honey,
Don't wanna be funny,
But what depth of water's in thar?"

She thought for a minute, said, "Bless
My soul, dear, I'd say at a guess,
I reckon there be
About two or three
Odd inches, thereabouts, more or less."

He drives on, but he's out of luck,
And right in the centre he's stuck,
His engine's been drowned.
Cordelia's frowned,
"But it's only half way up this duck."
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
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When her daughter got married in Bicester,
Her mother remarked as she kissed her,
"That fellow you've won,
Is sure to be fun,
Since tea he's kissed me and your sister."
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
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A Swan sung, so graceful and calm,
"I'm seeking some limerick balm,
But there's nothing here,
So, sadly, I fear
I'll have to go play with my Palm."
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
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Do you fancy Matilda from Swanwick?
She's fond of the odd gin and tonic.
But don't overdose her,
Or when you get closer,
You'll find she is quite catatonic.
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
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"Oh damn these arthritic old knees,
Do help me, young Miss, if you please.
I've broken my bins,
Please fetch me two tins
Of those mushy green Batchelor's peas."
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
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There once was a young man from Beale,
Who slipped on a stray orange peel.
He fell on his seat,
Passed out from the heat
And made a passing bear a nice meal.
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
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To Hillary Clinton said Bill,
"You really should update your Will.
That old-timer Dole
Has just won the poll
And asks for your help on the Hill.
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
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A Moose on the loose in Quebec
Was running around causing heck.
It entered a mall…
But 'cos it was tall
It got a bad crick in its neck!
 

Contused

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There was a young lady named Bright
Whose speed was faster than light;
She set out one day
In a relative way
And returned home the previous night!
… followed by

To her friends said the Bright one in chatter,
"I have learned something new about matter.
My speed was so great,
Much increased was my weight,
Yet I failed to become any fatter!"
- A. H. Reginald Buller
 

Wirralass

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Relationship to Diabetes
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… followed by

To her friends said the Bright one in chatter,
"I have learned something new about matter.
My speed was so great,
Much increased was my weight,
Yet I failed to become any fatter!"
- A. H. Reginald Buller
You're on the ball there Contused!
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
You're on the ball there Contused!
Ah well, there's a small cluster of verses associated with Bright/Blight, both female and male, including travel faster than light and lack of weight gain, some very rude and others not. The 'Internet Archive Wayback Machine' has a vast archive of internet sites, many of which are not currently extant, and is a very useful resource for me.

It's very good to see you posting again. Welcome back!
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
What is a Limerick?

Lines one, two and five have to rhyme.
It's the Limerick way all the time.
And also, what's more,
The lines three and four
Must rhyme for perfection sublime.

And care must be taken with rhythm.
That's how a fine limerick's given
It's own special form.
'Round here it's the norm,
But mostly we're having fun with 'em!
(Reproduced from alt.arts.limericks FAQ)
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
One season, young Angus Macinnes,
Taught two hundred hinnies what sin is.
Not bad, I'll admit.
He must have been fit,
But not worth recording in Guinness.
 
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