SILLY SILLY LIMERICKS

[Contused]

There was a young fellow named Willy,
Who acted remarkably silly.
At a UNESCO ball,
Dressed in nothing at all,
He claimed that his costume was Chile.

 

[Contused]

There was a young lady of Wilts,
Who walked to the Highlands on stilts.
When they said, “Oh, how shocking,
To show so much stocking.”
She answered, “Well, what about kilts?”

 

[Contused]

There was a young fellow named Wyatt
Who kept a big girl on the quiet;
But down on the wharf
He kept also a dwarf,
In case he should go on a diet.

 

[Contused]

There was a young lady called Wylde,
Who kept herself quite undefiled,
By thinking of Jesus,
Contagious diseases,
And the bother of having a child.

 

[Contused]

Till explained by that wise Dr. X,
What did grandmama know about sex?
And poor grandfather too,
Did he know what to do?
Or, when at it, forsee its effects?

 

[Contused]

Who’d wish to be wed to Xantippe?
When Socrates took his last sip, he
Died slowly, feet first.
After which his wife cursed
And remarked that her husband was lippy.

 

[Contused]

"Buy that one… the prize of the year!"
Thus whispered a voice in my ear.
But later I frowned,
The beast was not sound.
I had purchased, I found, a bum steer.

 

[Contused]

There once was a baby of yore
Whose parents found it a bore,
And being afraid
It might be mislaid
They stored it away in a drawer.

 

[Contused]

An old Danish jester named Yorick
Drank a gallon of pure panegoric.
"My jokes have been dull,"
He said, "but my skull
Will one of these days be historic."

 

[Contused]

There was a young lady of York,
Who was shortly expecting the stork,
When the doctor walked in
With a businesslike grin,
A pickaxe, a spade, and a fork.

 

[Contused]

They say that I was, in my youth,
Uncouth and ungainly, forsooth.
I can only reply,
“’Tis a lie, ’tis a lie!
I was couth, I was perfectly couth.”

 

[Contused]

There was a young lady of Ypres
Who was shot through both cheeks by some snipers.
The tunes that she played
Through the holes that they made
Beat the Argyll and Sutherland Pipers.

 

[Contused]

When our deficit descended to zero
Our minister was considered a hero.
He ascended the chancel
But decided to cancel
The sermon, and dance a Bolero.

 

[Contused]

There was a young fellow with zest,
Who strolled on the pier at Key West.
He liked being seen
In the Caribbean,
And never cared a bean for the rest.

 

[Ditto]

Some of these are lol.

 

[Contused]

Upon high Olympus, great Zeus,
Muttered angrily, "Oh, What the deuce!
It takes spiced ambrosia
To get the nymphs cosier,
And Hera supplies grapefruit juice."

 

[Contused]

There was a young lady of Zion
Looked around for a shoulder to cry on.
So she married a spouse
From a very old house
And started to cry on the scion.

 

[Contused]

Those frogs look blissed out!

"Don't poke us please, ma'am, or you'll vex us.
We must firmly embrace to have sex, us.
For an outcome that's spawny,
We have to stay horny
And coupled as one, in amplexus."
- Contused
Ó¿Ò

 

[Ditto]

LOL

 

[Contused]

A keeper who worked at the zoo,
Received a new gnu to see to.
He said, "That's the gnu
That I knew in Bellevue…
I knew that I knew that new gnu."