SILLY SILLY LIMERICKS

Contused

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Type 2
She said, as she buttoned her dress,
"Playing doctor was fun, but I guess
I prefer playing house
With you as my spouse,
And it's your turn to clean up this mess."
 

Contused

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Type 2
There once was a student named Dresser,
Whose knowledge got lesser and lesser.
It at last grew so small,
He knew nothing at all;
And now he's a college professor.
 

Contused

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Type 2
There once was an artist who drew
Large crowds to blank canvases. "Oooh!"
Cried the critics, "The essence
Of post incandescence
Of conceptualised deja vu!"
 

Contused

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Type 2
A young Irish servant in Drogheda
Had a mistress who often annogheda;
Whereon she would swear
In a language so rare,
That thereafter no-one emplogheda.

A bookseller toiling in Drogheda
Had an assistant who often annogheda.
Complaints came in volumes,
And were stacked up in columes,
'Til she wished she had never emplogheda.
 

Ditto

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Type 2
Lol at the cannibal! :D
 

Ditto

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Type 2
Didn't realise it was Swahili. :) Interesting.
 

Contused

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Type 2
Joe is an old farming dude,
Who's not in a real good mood.
The leverets got in,
Where his veggies had been…
And he can't stand hare in his food.
 

Contused

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Type 2
There was an old maid of Duluth,
Who wept when she thought of her youth,
Remembering chances
She missed at school dances,
And once in a telephone booth.
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There once lived a youth in Duluth,
Who aspired to life as a sleuth.
But he soon changed his mind,
For it shocked him to find,
That the truth is so often uncouth.
 

Contused

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Type 2
There was a young man of Dumbarton
Who thought he could run like a Spartan.
On the thirtyninth lap
His braces went snap
And his face went a red Scottish tartan.
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was a young lass from Dundee,
Whose knowledge of French was 'Oui, oui.'
When asked 'Parlez vous?'
She replied, "Same to you."
A fine bit of fast repartee.
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There once was a man from Dunoon,
Who always ate soup with a fork.
He said, "When I eat
Either fish, foul or flesh,
I otherwise finish too quick."
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A bibulous chap from Duquesne
Drank a whole jeraboam of champuesne.
Said he with a laugh,
As he quaughed the last quaugh,
"I tried to get drunk, but in vuesne."
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Poore Richard, Prince Bishop of Durham, *
When told of Jack Lambton's large wurham **
Caught when Lambton missed church,
Said, "Now Jack, it's the birch
For you, and the wurham, we'll inturham." ***
- Contused
Ó¿Ò

* Richard Poore, Prince Bishop of Durham, 1209-1213 and 1229-1237
** John Lambton, an heir of the Lambton Estate, County Durham
*** The Lambton Worm
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Said a girl who was forced to go dutch,
On a love nest, "I don't mind too much.
Though I pay half the lease,
I collect half apiece…
From Smitty, Gil, Stu, Tim and Hutch."
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
To his wife said a grumbler named Dutton,
"I'm a gourmet, I am, not a glutton.
For ham, jam or lamb,
I don't give a damn.
Come on, let's return to our mutton."
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Said the Duke to the Duchess of Avery,
“Forgive me for breaking your reverie.
You’ve been sitting on Punch
Since long before lunch;
Might I have it before it’s unsavoury?”
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A dyslexic insomniac agnostic
Lay awake thinking thoughts diagnostic,
With his mind in a fog
Asking, "Is there a dog?"
And other things nearly as caustic.
 
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