SILLY SILLY LIMERICKS

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
To avoid matrimonial disasters,
Young couples buy Johnson and Masters.
But trying new angles,
They get in such tangles,
They end up in splints and in plasters.

(Better known as the Masters and Johnson research team ;))
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
You can only catch mad cow disease
Eating beef… from pork pie and peas,
You can catch mad pig flu,
And from eating lamb stew,
You can catch mad sheep sickness with ease.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
The babe with a cry, brief and dismal,
Fell into the waters baptismal.
'Ere they'd gathered its plight,
It had sunk out of sight,
For the depths of that font were abysmal.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was a young fellow from Diss,
Who asked his friend's wife for a kiss.
Said the young lady, "This is
All wrong for a Mrs.
When a Mrs. no longer a Miss.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A toper who spies in the distance,
Striped tigers, will get some assistance
From reading Descartes,
Who holds that it's part
Of his duty to doubt their existence.

But if he's a student of Berkeley,
One thing will emerge, rather starkly,
That he ought to believe
What his senses perceive,
No matter how dimly or darkly.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
I'm quite deaf, which my friends find distressing.
Modern rock, for one thing, leaves me guessing,
But please be of good cheer,
From what little I DO hear,
I count missing the rest quite a blessing.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
When asked to compose a wry ditty,
All rhymers from country and city,
Every Susan and Dick,
Came up with a trick
To write limericks nitty and gritty.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
I tried to come up with a ditty
That was clever and clean and still witty,
But my failure was utter…
Guess my mind's in the gutter,
Every one I came up with was gritty!
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was an old man who said, "Do
Tell me how to add two and two.
It may not be more
Than just three or four…
But I fear that is rather too few."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
In the earliest days of Dodge City
If your draw was not fast 'twas a pity.
On the stone at your head
The inscription that said
Something sad was so apt to be witty!
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Opportunity knocks at the door.
It knocks just once and no more.
But temptation, unclean,
On the doorbell does lean,
And the bell seems to ring evermore.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
The was an old woman of Dorset
Who put in her penny deporset,
But when she got there
She could only pass air…
That was hardly a pennyworth, worset?
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
If you're seeking your X-rated dose,
Rest assured that this ditty is gross,
With filth, sex and gore
'Til there's no room for more,
I won't write one again that comes close!
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was an old farmer named Dow,
Who said, "I feel wonderful now.
They've transplanted the tongue,
And a piece of the lung,
And the liver which came from my cow."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
"Oh teacher, please tell me," asked Doris,
"What kind of a beast is the loris?"
Said her teacher, named Creamer,
"It's the Indian lemur.
I fancy it's mentioned in Horace."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
In the heat of the midday at Douz,
They go to their room for a snooze;
But somehow, it seems,
They never have dreams…
For a snooze is not quite what they choose.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A nasty old vampire named Dracula,
Had habits really spectacula.
He drank by the keg,
But 'twas pure Rh neg,
Red blood, to use the vernacula.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
It is here that the line must be drawn,
Your missed punchline just fills me with scorn.
For the trainee replies,
With surprise in his eyes,
"I assure you, it tasted of prawn!"
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
"There is one thing I honestly dread,"
Said the marsupial quadruped.
"The kids cause such an ouch
When inside of my pouch,
And the dummies eat crackers in bed."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A cannibal once in a dream
Conceived of a dish quite supreme.
And to his delight
He was served it one night…
Fresh Bwanas in heavy sour cream.
(Swahili: Bwana [plural Bwanas] Big boss, important person)
 
Top