SILLY SILLY LIMERICKS

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
This limerick's simply sublime
And inspiring in meter and rhyme.
It expresses but nought
With intelligent thought
And to write it used acres of time.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A long time ago an old Squire
Met a pretty young lass in a choir
And said, "Miss, can we dance?"
But she told him, "No chance;
For I fear that I'm Handel's miss, sire."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
I need a front door for my hall.
The replacement I bought was too tall,
So I hacked it and chopped it
And carefully lopped it…
And now the dumb thing is too small.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
An odd-looking guy from Beruit
Held up banks in a bright-yellow suit.
More bizarre though, by far,
He would wave a cigar
And shout, "Freeze there, or else I'll cheroot."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A report has come in from the Soemba
That their salvoes go off like a rhumba.
Two guns, they sound fine,
But the third five point nine,
He am bust and refuse to go boomba.
- Captain Nicholl, RN, during WWII

Captain Nicholl, the first to see the report, speeded things up when he started his paperwork with a limerick:
"A report has come in from the Soemba
That their salvoes go off like a rhumba.
Two guns, they sound fine,
But the third five point nine,
He am bust and refuse to go boomba."

The other authorities dealing with this problem also got the hang of it and the whole matter was dealt with in about a dozen limericks. An example was the one from the Emergency "Despair section" (ironically for "Repair section") sent the following limerick:
"To find any yard for the Soemba
We have searched from the Clyde to the Hoomba (Humber),
But we haven't got room
For Van Tromp's ruddy broom, *
Much less for this useless old Loomba (Lumber)."

Even the First Sea Lord, Admiral Cunningham participated in a later stage, and Captain van Holthe, vice-chief of staff of the Dutch navy and liason with the British Admiralty closed the "Soemba Docket" with a limerick:
"After so much backchat, it is but right,
That Soemba should join in this fight,
Because she loves very much
To be rude too, and in Dutch
So no one can read it, serve you right."

The Soemba received her gun in time and the Dutch officers found the whole thing amazing. After serving at Normandy, her guns were worn out again, but she was determined not worthy of repair and laid up until the end of the war. After the war, she was converted into an auxiliary training vessel for radar operators, and scrapped eventually.

* Note: The "ruddy broom" was hoisted on the main mast by Tromp after a victory over English fleet.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
This limerick is so filthy, that all the of the EXTREMELY offensive parts were replaced by 'Da Da DAA.'

Da Da DAA Da Da DAA Da Da DAA,
Da Da DAA Da Da DAA Da Da DAA.
Da Da DAA Da Da DAA,
Da Da DAA Da Da DAA,
Da Da DAA Da Da DAA Da two bucks!
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
George Washington said to his dad,
"You know that big fruit tree you had?
I've just chopped it down.
Now, father, don't frown,
I can't tell a lie. Aren't you glad?"
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A book and a jug and a dame,
And a nice cozy nook for the same…
"And I don't care a damn,"
Said Omar Khayyam,
"What you say, it's a great little game."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There once was a man who said, "Damn!
It is borne in upon me I am
An engine that moves
In predestinate grooves.
I'm not even a bus, I'm a tram."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was a young fellow named Dan,
Who knew about sin, cos, and tan.
He talked rather big
Of his knowledge of trig…
He did seem a clever young man.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A Victorian gent said, "This dance,
The can-can, which we've got from France,
Fills me with disgust.
It generates lust…
You should see it while you have the chance."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Said a boy to his teacher one day,
"Wright has not written 'rite' right, I say."
And the teacher replied,
As the error she eyed,
"Right! Wright, write 'rite' right, right away!"
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
From the elephant paddock one day,
They took poor Barbara Woodhouse away.
There's no harm, in the least,
Shouting 'Sit' to the beast,
But she should have got out of the way.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Two fairies were flitting one day
In the meadow, where they liked to play,
When the male made a pass
At the other, a lass,
Showing not quite all fairies are gay.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
It is said that an apple a day
Will help keep the doctor away,
But if that apple were green
With a worm in between,
You might wish for another entrée.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
'Midst the throng that is here 'twixt daybreaks,
There are those here for cerebral sakes.
So four them (both of you!)
How can this be true…
This limerick contains three misteaks?
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was a faith-healer of Deal
Who said, "Although pain isn't real,
If I sit on a pin,
And it punctures my skin,
I dislike what I fancy I feel."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Mrs. Whitehouse, mixed bathing at Deal,
Emitted a loud piercing squeal.
It seems she had fingered
A something that lingered…
And it certainly wasn't an eel.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
At Harvard a randy old Dean
Said, "The funniest jokes are obscene.
To bowdlerize wit
Takes the mirth out of it…
Who wants a limerick clean?"
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
"There is now in our lab," said the Dean,
"A most clever and wondrous machine,
Wherewith Oedipus Rex
Could have learned about sex
By himself… without help from the Queen."
 
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