SILLY SILLY LIMERICKS

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was a young lady named Perkins,
Who just simply doted on gherkins.
In spite of advice,
She ate so much spice,
That she pickled her internal workins'.
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Anthony Euwer wrote a sequence of limericks which he called The Limeratomy, a word which combines ‘limerick’ and ‘anatomy’. Here are a few. As Euwer explained it…

As I lay in my bed on the flat o’ me,
I was shocked at the sight of the fat o’ me,
So to keep my nerves steady
I concocted and edi-
ted this luminous, lim’rick anatomy.

The ankle’s chief end is exposiery
Of the latest designs in silk hosiery;
Also, I suspect,
It’s a means to connect
The part called the calf with the toesiery.

As a beauty I’m not a great star,
There are others more handsome by far,
But my face, I don’t mind it,
Because I’m behind it…
’Tis the folks in the front that I jar.

The hands, they were made to assist
In supplying the features with grist.
There are only a few,
As a rule about two,
And are hitched to the end of the wrist.

No matter how grouchy you’re feeling,
You’ll find the smile more or less healing.
It grows in a wreath
All around the front teeth,
Thus preserving the face from congealing.
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
To compose a sonata today,
Don't proceed in the old-fashioned way.
With your toes on the keys,
Bang the floor with your knees,
"Oh how modern!" the critics will say.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Here lies a young salesman named Phipps,
Who married, on one of his trips,
A widow named Block,
Then died of the shock,
When he saw there were six little chips.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
I'd rather have fingers than Toes;
I'd rather have ears than a nose,
And as for my hair,
I'm glad it's all there.
I'll be awfully said, when it goes.
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was a young fellow named Weir,
Who hadn't an atom of fear.
He indulged a desire
To touch a live wire…
'Most any last line will do here!
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A cheerful old bear at the Zoo
Could always find something to do.
When it bored him, you know,
To walk to and fro,
He reversed it and walked fro and to.
 

Contused

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
The bottle of perfume that Willie sent
Was highly displeasing to Millicent.
Her thanks were so cold
They quarreled, I'm told,
Through that silly scent Willie sent Millicent.
 

Sparkle

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There once was a laptop who said
'What a wonderful life I have led,
My owner, Miss Lexy, is ever so sexy,
And quite often takes me to bed!'

There was a young fellow called Ted
Who liked to get girls into bed
But sadly he chose one
Whose Dad had a shotgun
And now he has had to get wed

There was a young man called Dwight
Who thought he was losing his sight
He confessed to his brother
Who said ‘pull the other,
You’ve forgotten to switch on the light.'
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was a young person called Smarty,
Who sent out his cards for a party.
So exclusive and few
Were the friends that he knew,
That no one was present but Smarty.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
It filled Galileo with mirth
To watch his two rocks fall to Earth.
He gladly proclaimed,
"Their rates are the same,
And quite independent of girth!"

Then Newton announced in due course
His own law of gravity's force.
"It goes, I declare,
As the inverted square
Of the distance from object to source."

But remarkably, Einstein's equation
Succeeds to describe gravitation
As spacetime that's curved,
And it's this that will serve
As the planets' unique motivation.

Yet the end of the story's not written;
By a new way of thinking we're smitten.
We twist and we turn,
Attempting to learn
The Superstring Theory of Witten!
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A crossword compiler named Moss,
Who found himself quite at a loss
When asked, “Why so blue?”
Said, “I haven’t a clue.
I’m 2 Down to put 1 Across.”
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
I'm papering walls in the loo
And, quite frankly, I haven't a clue,
For the pattern's all wrong,
Or the paper's too long,
And I'm stuck to the toilet with glue.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
The shoes of old Eskimo Joe
Fell apart as he walked in the snow.
"Have you needle and thread?"
I enquired, but he said,
"No, igloo them not sew them, you know."
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
'Tis a favourite project of mine,
A new value of Pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3,
For it's simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There once was a girl named Irene,
Who lived on distilled kerosene.
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon,
And since then has never benzene!
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A mosquito was heard to complain,
"A chemist has poisoned my brain!"
The cause of his sorrow
Was paradichloro-
Triphenyldichloroethane.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Is it me or the nature of money
That's odd and peculiar? Funny,
But when I have dough
It goes quickly, you know,
And seeps out of my pockets like honey.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
At 16 I sighed as I hoped
For a bike like a Harley. I groped
In my pocket for cash
And bought something less flash…
Then I sat on my moped and moped.
 

Contused

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Remember when nearly sixteen
On your very first date as a teen
At the movies? If yes,
Then I bet you can't guess
What was shown on the cinema screen.
 
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