SILLY SILLY LIMERICKS

[Contused]

A certain young gourmet of Crediton
Took some paté de foie gras and spread it on
A chocolate biscuit,
Then murmured, "I'll risk it."
His tomb bears the date that he said it on.

 

[Contused]

In New Orleans dwelled a young Creole
Who, when asked if her hair was all reole,
Replied with a shrug,
"Just give it a tug
And decide by the way that I squeole."

 

[Contused]

There was an old sailor of Crete,
Whose peg-legs propelled him quite neat.
"Strong liquor," he said,
"Never goes to my head,
And I know it can't go to my feet."

 

[Contused]

There was a young lady of Crete,
Who dreamed that she danced in the street.
Although it did seem
A peculiar dream,
There was mud on the soles of her feet.

 

[Contused]

A railway official at Crewe
Met an engine one day that he knew.
Though he nodded and bowed,
The engine was proud,
And it cut him… it cut him in two.

 

[Contused]

A society climber from Crewe
Enquired, "What on earth shall I do?
I of course know what's what,
But I fear I have not
The faintest idea of Who's Who."

 

[Contused]

There was a young lady of Crewe
Who wanted to catch the 2.02.
Said the porter, "Don't worry,
Or hurry, or scurry,
It's a minute or two to 2.02."

 

[Contused]

There was an old fellow from Croydon,
Whose cook was a cute little hoyden.
She would sit on his knees
While shelling the peas,
Or pleasanter duties employed on.

 

[Contused]

To a newsgroup for rhymers I cruised,
Whilst the rest of my family snoozed.
Now it's here I'll deposit
The rhymes from my closet,
In hopes that you'll all be amused.

 

[Docb]

A young man who was self isolating
Thought he'd score with internet dating.
He dropped the idea,
When it became very clear,
It would be a long wait for the mating

 

[Contused]

Either…
A fanatic gun-lover named Crust
Was perverse to the point of disgust.
His idea of a peach
Had a sixteen-inch breech
And a pearl-handled .44 bust.

Or…
A fanatic gun-lover named Crust
Was perverse to the point of disgust.
His choice to despoil
Had zero recoil,
And a .44 magnum plus bust.

 

[Contused]

A musician fleeing from Cuba,
To start a new life in Aruba,
Packed most of his haul,
But the bag was too small.
He couldn't quite fit in his tuba.

 

[Contused]

"Damn! Why are you naked?" he cursed.
"For my birthday… it's my sixty-first…
I thought I'd look cute
In a real birthday suit."
"Well, next time, please iron it first!"

 

[Contused]

What led to the crassness of Custer,
With hardly a unit to muster?
At the little Big Horn,
Sitting Bull gave a yawn,
And said, "You're a sitting duck, buster!"

 

[Contused]

Said Mendel, "Genetics are cute,
And I've just created a beaut.
I put a frog in a sack
With a political hack,
And got me a Newt in a suit."

 

[Ditto]

LOL at tuba and iron it first!

 

[Contused]

A cute secretary, none cuter,
Was replaced by a clicking computer.
'Twas the wife of the boss
Who put this deal across,
You see, the computer was neuter.

 

[Contused]

Imagining Trick or Treat…

A bunny just left, a real cutey,
Now another thing comes seeking booty.
Red fire in its eyes,
Dripping fangs of great size,
Quick, Igor! A stake! Do your duty!

 

[Contused]

There once was a young man named Cyril,
Who was kissed in a wood by a squirrel,
And he liked it so good
That he stayed in the wood
Just as long as the squirrel stayed virile.

 

[Contused]

A limerick should brighten your day,
Be witty, perceptive and gay.
A neat little verse
Will do nothing worse
Than banish your bad blues away.