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SILLY SILLY LIMERICKS

Wirralass

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was a young lady named Bright
Whose speed was faster than light;
She set out one day
in a relative way
and returned home the previous night!

Author Butler.
(1874-1944)
.........................☆☆☆☆............................

There's a notable family named Stein
There's a Gert & there's Ep & there's Ein;
Gert's prose is all bunk
Ep's sculpture just junk
and nobody understands Ein!

Anonymous.
.........................☆☆☆☆............................

A taxi-cab whore at Ivor
would do a round trip for a fiver;
Quite reasonable too
for a sightsee - a screw
and a fifty pence tip to the driver!

Victor Gray
1916

........................☆☆☆☆...............................

The breasts of a barmaid of Crale
were tattooed with the price of brown ale;
While on her behind
for the sake of the blind
was the same information in Braille!

Anonymous.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
 
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Wirralass

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Miss Twye was soaping her breasts in the bath
when she heard behind her a meaning laugh
And to her amazement she discovered
A wicked man in the bathroom cupboard!

Anonymous
 
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Northerner

Admin (Retired)
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
There once was a man who was furious
That he'd been prescribed sulphonylureas!
He took gliclazide,
Saw his blood sugar subside,
And concluded it wasn't injurious! :D

A man went for retinal screening
Without really knowing its meaning,
'You'll have drops, then you'll wait
Till your pupils dilate,
Then we'll know if you need laser healing!' :D
 

Bloden

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
I love limericks!:p

There was a young man from Gallosham
Who took out his eyeballs to wash 'em
His mother said, "Jack"
"If you don't put 'em back"
"I'll put my feet on them and squash 'em!"

This one is an anti-limerick...

There was a young man from St Bees
Who was stung on the arm by a wasp
When asked, "Does it hurt?"
He said, "No, it doesn't...
...I'm glad it wasn't a hornet."
 
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Wirralass

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A young engine driver called Hunt
Once took out his engine to shunt
Saw a runaway truck
And by shouting out "Duck!"
Saved the life of the fellow in front!

Victor Gray 1917

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

While visiting Arundel Castle
I sent my sick uncle a parcel
The contents of it
were the local grey grit
to rub on his sore metatarsal.
 
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Bloden

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
Oh no, I might end up hogging this thread.:rolleyes: I had the Blue Peter Book of Limericks when I was about 8 and couldn't get enuff of those crazy limericks.:D

Here's one I wrote about my Aussie kelpie, Britney. She developed a skin disorder (mixed in with a bit of nuttiness) and would spend hours ripping her own hair out :eek: if we didn't stop her, she was that itchy.

There was a young kelpie named Britney
Who started to feel a bit itchy
If you gave her a bone
She'd leave it alone
She'd rather be chewing her leg, see.

Poor dab...:confused:
 

Wirralass

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There once was a man who said, damn!
It is borne in upon me I am
An engine that moves
in predestination grooves;
I'm not even a bus - I'm a tram!

M.E.Hare (1886-1967)
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

There was an old man of Khartoum
Who kept a tame sheep in his room
"To remind me," he said
"Of someone who's dead,
But I never can recollect whom."
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
 
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Bloden

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
There is a young girl of Kilkenny,
Who is worried by lovers so many
That the saucy young elf
Means to raffle herself,
And the tickets are two for a penny.

However, many years later…

There was an old girl of Kilkenny,
Whose usual charge was a penny.
For half of that sum
You could fondle her bum:
A source of amusement to many.
Really like the second one, Contused. Hahahaha...:p
 

Wirralass

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
To the limerick watcher I say
Effects of anaesthesia clouded my day
My apologies therefore
for writing in taste poor
And I promise to ne'er again stray!
WL
 
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Wirralass

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was an old man who supposed
that the street door was particularly closed;
But some very large rats
ate his coats and his hats
while the futile old gentleman dozed!
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

A wonderful bird is the pelican
His beak can hold more than his belican;
He can hold in his beak
enough food for a week
Though I'm damned if I know how the helican!
 

Wirralass

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A slug by its nature can't halt
eating veggies, which isn't it's fault;
But when gardeners get peeved
they are only relieved
once the slug has been melted with salt!

Ah! Poor slug!
 

Wirralass

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A maiden at college, Miss Breeze,
weighed down by B.A,s and Lit.D's
Collapsed from the strain
Said her Doctor, "It's plain
you are killing yourself....by degrees!
 

Wirralass

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A painter who lived in Great Britain
Interrupted two girls with their knittin'
He said, with a sigh
"That park bench...well I
just painted it right where you're sittin'!
 

Wirralass

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was a young lady from Cork
Whose Pa made a fortune in pork;
He bought for his daughter
a tutor who taught her
to balance green peas on her fork!
 

Wirralass

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was an old fellow named Green
Who grew so abnormally lean
and flat, and compressed
that his back touched his chest
And sideways he couldn't be seen!
 

Wirralass

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
A man and his lady-love, Min
Skated out where the ice was quite thin
Had a quarrel, no doubt
For I hear they fell out;
What a blessing they didn't fall in!
 

Wirralass

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was a young lady from Niger
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger
They came back from the ride
With the lady inside
And a smile on the face of the Tiger!
 

Wirralass

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
There was a young lady of Lynn
Who was exceedingly thin
that when she assayed
to drink lemonade
She slipped through the straw and fell in!
 
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